Still Holding On
by Chicleeblair
Summary: Meredith and Derek are learning to live their lives together. Alex and Izzie try to understand each either. Lexie is trying to do what no woman has succeeded at yet, understanding George.. Will what they learn help or hinder their relationships? .
1. Prologue

"Meredith, Mer, wake up." Meredith opened her eyes to see Derek's face next to hers. She blinked sleep out of her eyes and pushed her upper-body off of the grass. Her face was wet from it and she knew that there would be grass in her hair. She looked around to see that most of the candles in the house she had made for Derek had blown out from the wind.

"You know, I would have found you if you had gone inside," Derek pointed out as Meredith shifted to lean against him.

"Yeah, I know. I thought about it. And then I sat down and then I just kind of…. Drifted off."

"I wouldn't say drifted. The squirrels were complaining about the noise pollution."

Meredith sat up fully to glare at him. "I'm still mad at you," she said, but he smiled and she found herself lost in his eyes, a smile playing on her face, despite her attempts to quash it . He ran his fingers through her hair, pulling a twig out and throwing it back into the grass.

"So, are you too tired to celebrate?" Derek asked, pulling the bottle of champagne up from the ground next to him, where he had set it to wake her up.

Meredith took it from him and stood up, preparing to pop the cork in answer. Derek stood and put his hands over his and together they forced the bottle open, the foam spraying out over the unlit candles, over the land that would one day be where they built their house.

_For someone who doesn't believe in happy endings, I'm getting pretty damn close,_ Meredith thought. Then she burst out laughing.

"What is it?" Derek murmured against her ear.

"No one will ever believe that I did this, and I didn't think to take pictures. They'll all say the tumor-crazy rubbed off on us and we hallucinated, because Meredith Grey does not do corny and sappy."

"They'll believe it," Derek assured her, moving his lips down her neck. "Because Meredith Grey does do being loved by Derek Shepherd. And the candle house is just a sign of that."

"So you're saying they'll think your crazy has rubbed off on me?" Meredith asked.

"Something like that. Come on, it's cold out here. Let's go inside and celebrate, with warmth. And glasses. And a bed."

"Dirty, dirty man." Meredith said, shaking her head mockingly, but taking his hand to lead him inside. They would gather up the candles in the morning. Come to think of it, she had no idea what the hell she was going to do with all those candles. Maybe they should have a special room for the crazy symbols of their legend. Or something. Or not. Maybe Derek's sappy was rubbing off on her.

/ / / /

Almost six months later, as she hung a framed painting of the space needle on the wall of their as-yet unfurnished living room, she was positive that Derek's sappy had rubbed off on her. She as not sure whether it was a good thing or not, but it was part of what had kept her going through the past months. There were rough spots. She was grateful to him for not insisting that they get married right away. The disaster that had been Cristina's failed wedding was still fresh on the mind of her friends, along with George's divorce, and they were her family.

In fact, her gradual move out of the townhouse and into Derek's trailer had, if anything, brought them closer together. Izzie spent hours helping her pour over paint samples whenever Meredith got bored with them. Alex helped move furniture. Cristina told her when she was getting too starry-eyed, or "McDreamy-eyed" as her friend called it, and George listened to her ramble during nights at Joe's when she wondered if this was really the life she was cut out for.

"Hey," Derek said as he came into the living room.

"Hey," she said, walking over to place one hand on his chest and kiss him. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, and she would be doing it for the rest of her life. "How was work?"

"Good. Listen, Mer. Mark bought us something. And it's kind of a joke, but I thought I'd show it to you and you could tell me… what you thought."

Meredith furrowed her brow and shrugged. "Sure. What is it?"

"It's in the car. Come with me." Derek took her hand. She never got over the feeling of comfort that came whenever he was holding onto her. They walked down the front steps and onto the grass. The driveway was still being cemented. Derek pulled a large framed picture out of the trunk and turned it around.

Meredith's breath caught and then she burst out laughing. The photo of the ferryboat was taken from the dock nearest to Derek's trailer. On the edge Mark had written _For the couple with a thing for ferryboats…when they don't crash. _

"Please tell me he didn't realize that this could have, by some people, been seen as insensitive? Those who don't know Mark, particularly those who were never in the dirty mistresses club with him?"

"So you're not…upset?"

Meredith's laughter ceased, and she met Derek's eyes, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "No. I should be, maybe. But it's not like a ferryboat pushed me into the water or…" she looked away, towards their house, "Or made me stay in the water. That was me. And I'm whole, and healed now. And here with you. So no. And besides, I still like ferryboats. We can put it over the stairs." A bird flew over their heads and Meredith listened as it called out, and bit her lip for a second before continuing.

"Derek…It's okay to talk about that day… and my mother… and all the serious things we don't like to talk about. We can talk now. Because I am not going to run. Okay? I know I said last year that I didn't trust you. But now I do. I think I do. No I definitely do. So don't worry, okay?"

Derek tilted her face to look at him. "Okay," he agreed. Then he kissed her. Meredith put her arms around his neck and smiled against his lips. The wind blew through her hair, and she tried to memorize the moment so that she would never, ever forget it.

She did not know yet that she would hold onto that moment hard for the next couple of months.

A/N So, I really am not sure where I'm going with this exactly. I kind of don't know how to write Mer/Der when I'm not having to bring them together. But I have to write, it's a given, so it's a beautiful summer to discover them together. Let's have some fun.


	2. Something to Talk About

Chapter One

Meredith realized that she had often been found in odd positions and had conversations in awkward places. Emotional breakdowns in supply closets, naughty sex in exam rooms and just about every morning that she woke up next to a guy she picked up at Joe's qualified. This moment would probably also qualify later on, she thought, as she sat against the wall of the stall in the handicapped bathroom on the surgical floor. Cristina sat across from her, staring at her.

Meredith sighed and rested her head in her hands, wishing her body would settle down long enough for her to get up and go do the pre-op rounds that she should have started fifteen minutes ago. But no. She had woken up feeling sick, but managed to get to the hospital and into her scrubs before the nausea really hit, and she was attempting to just keep going until she realized that she couldn't. She'd ducked out of the early-morning residents 'meeting and barely even noticed that Cristina followed her in. Ten minutes later, she was sitting on the bathroom floor wishing that her friend would shut up so she could focus on making her body cooperate

"You could just take a freaking pregnancy test and get it over with," Cristina pointed out.

Meredith looked up over her arms just long enough to glare at her. "I'm not pregnant," she replied, and then closed her eyes again.

"Oh really? So this is just something that you're doing for fun? Because I'm not into it. I've watched you throw up far too many times. Really, it's not one of your best skills."

"Then why did you follow me in here?" Meredith demanded, leaning her head back against the wall again and crossing her legs.

"Because you looked horrible," Cristina said bluntly. "Someone had to make sure you weren't dying or something."

Meredith laughed, bitterly. "Comforting. You're great at that, you know that right?"

"Do you want me to go down to the pharmacy and get you a pregnancy test? I won't even complain about it." Cristina offered.

"I'm not pregnant," Meredith insisted, while doing the math in her head. She was never exactly regular so… no. She was definitely not pregnant.

"You know what? I'll take that as a 'yes because I care," Cristina said, hoisting herself up and leaving before Meredith could 'protest more vehemently.

Alone, Meredith let out a long, slow breath. She felt miserable. If she was not so aware of how dirty the floor would be—even in a hospital bathroom—she would have lain down. Instead she sat there, staring at the blue and white tiled wall across from her.

_I cannot be pregnant_, she thought. But that was not true. She knew how babies were made, and since the house was finished she and Derek had maybe been a little less careful. They weren't trying. Definitely not trying, but they were both aware that they did want kids eventually so… so they weren't as careful. Derek was so excited about the idea of kids, and it scared her, but deep down she did know that she wanted his children. Just not now.

"Damn it," she swore to the wall. She should have been on the floor. She had pre-ops to do, and she had a craniotomy scheduled for that afternoon, that would be her first really flying solo. Derek would be watching, but she would be the one operating. She needed to get up and go. Cristina could find her later, or not. She would probably prefer the not, actually.

She pulled herself up on the cold metal bar that spanned the wall of the bathroom and used it to steady herself for a moment. To her relief she had finally begun to feel that she could at least function without getting sick again. That was good. Maybe she had just caught a bug or… or something.

/ / / /

"Alex, no."

"Oh come on, Iz. It's just a few days. It's the perfect excuse to get out of here for a while, relax. It'll be great. You can wear a pretty dress. You like pretty dresses; right?" he asked this cautiously, and Izzie wondered if the same memory ran through his head when he thought of her in a dress. _You do still like pretty dresses_, she reminded herself. But that did not change her answer.

"I am not going to your cousin's wedding with you!" Izzie protested, as she grabbed a handful of charts to deliver to the nurses 'station. "I have to run the clinic, and besides don't you have some other woman to take? What's that nurse's name? Elizabeth?"

"Liza. But I can't take her. If I take her she'll think that there is actually something there. And there's not. She looks like a jack-o-lantern."

Izzie snorted with laughter, even though she was trying to be aloof, so he did not think he had a chance. She was tired of Alex coming back to her whenever he needed anything. He knew she would be there if it were something actually important. Unlike this. "What ever happened to the compassionate side you've been displaying?" she asked.

Alex leaned against the nurses' station and leaned close to her ear. "I save that for you, Iz."

She shivered at his breath on her neck and hoping he did not notice, she smiled, though she was still trying to hold out. "The answer is still no, Alex. If you need a platonic date, take Meredith."

"Take me where?"

Both Izzie and Alex turned. Meredith was standing against the counter next to them, and neither of them had noticed her come up.

"To his cousin's wedding," Izzie replied, folding her hands under her chin. "Although I doubt he could get Shepherd to let you go."

"Probably true," Meredith agreed. She smiled, but Izzie thought it looked strained. She examined Meredith's face as the other woman rearranged the charts she had stacked in front of her. She had not looked well that morning and had left the chief's meeting in a hurry.

"You okay?" she asked, as Meredith opened the chart on the top of her pile and pulled a pen out of her lab coat pocket.

"Huh? Yeah, fine. Just a little off today, tired. You know, from all the moving."

"All the moving, yet you and Shepherd slept at the townhouse last night?" Alex asked. Izzie elbowed him.

"Seriously, though, Mer, are you feeling okay?" Meredith nodded, but Izzie was going to pursue the subject, until Alex's pager went off and she was distracted by his hand on her shoulder. "Gotta go scrub in with Sloan. Think about it, okay?"

Izzie shook her head, but could not help watching him as he hurried off. She then turned back to Meredith who seemed to be staring at the same spot in the chart.

"So speaking of weddings, when are you and Shepherd going to tie the knot?" Izzie asked, distractedly. The whole hospital had a betting pool going on for that date. Izzie's date had already passed, but even she thought she was being optimistic. She had not deigned to place money in the "When will Derek and Meredith break up again" pool, because they had not had the late-night conversations with Meredith over wallpaper samples. She knew that this time at least, it was for good. "I mean, you have a house. One would hope you'd get married before kids start showing up."

Meredith's pen fell to the floor and she bent over to pick it up. Izzie just raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Touchy subject?" she asked, as Meredith stood up again.

"No.. .no… it's not. Just… we haven't decided. We're both so busy. And there's no hurry, really, so… we haven't thought about it." Meredith bit her lip and flipped the chart closed, clicking her pen off. Izzie was not sure that she had even made a mark on the chart.

"Okay… Are you sure you're okay?"

Meredith looked up, flipping her bangs out of her eyes and met Izzie's eyes. "I'm fine, okay? Fine….Shit Cristina's coming. You didn't see me." Then she was gone as quietly as she had arrived, and just stood there, shaking her head. Whatever was bothering Meredith, it would surface sooner or later. She grabbed the chart she had set down on the table before Alex started to bug her about the wedding and headed down the hall to the elevator. She had a post-up to check on in the NICU.

Over the past couple of months, she had decided that she did miss neonatal. She was not sure why, but somewhere in the back of her mind there was still Addison's voice telling her that she had a gift for that specialty. No one had ever really told her that she had a gift for anything surgical before. Yes, she could run the clinic; but as far as anyone on the surgical floor in general knew, the thing that Izzie Stevens was best at was making cardio-patients fall in love with her and then going crazy. She very much wanted to escape that particular stigma.

When she entered the room, the neonatal intern looked up at her, slightly fearfully as the tended to do towards surgical staff. Izzie never understood why; they were all doctors after all, but there was a hierarchy and a kind of legend attached to those who wielded scalpels, she supposed.

"How's she doing?" Izzie asked, as she walked over to the incubator where the two-day old baby girl was laying. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was regular, all good signs.

"Her vitals have been stable. She's looking less jaundiced. The social worker was in this morning and was wondering when she would be released. There is an adoptive family lined up, but they seem to be…worried about her condition." The intern wrinkled her nose in distaste.

"Seriously?" Izzie asked, taking the stethoscope from around her neck to check the baby's heart rate. "Don't they realize that a premature baby could happen even if the mother had given birth herself? It has nothing to do with the fact that they're adopting." To herself she wondered if the seventeen year old girl who had delivered this baby had interviewed the parents, or if she had let the social worker handle it. Izzie had not met the girl; she had been called in on consult after she had signed her rights away.

"Yeah. But they seem to think that they should have a choice in the matter."

Izzie sighed and ran a finger over the tiny arm. "If I did not know that you would probably end up in foster care for a long time, baby, I'd hope that you didn't get those parents." She turned to the intern, "Page me if anything changes."

The intern nodded and Izzie went out and walked down the hall to the elevator. When the doors open, she was face to face with George, who was leaning against the back rail of the car, staring at a poster for a new museum opening that weekend.

"Hey," Izzie said, checking to see that the button for the surgical floor was pushed and then leaning against the wall herself.

"Hey," George replied, quietly.

Izzie looked at him. He looked tired, but otherwise okay. He had been working more since he had been promoted and become a resident with the rest of them, but she had also seen less of him.

She wanted to say something. She _missed_ George. When Meredith had moved out of the townhouse, she had secretly hoped that George would come back, particularly because (though he did not see it) Lexie was still acting oddly around him, even after he had told her that he just wanted to be friends. Izzie had overheard that conversation, because they had apparently thought that they could get privacy in the resident's break room. George had said he was not ready for another relationship, and for some reason that hurt Izzie a little to hear.

But, still, he had stayed in the apartment, and Meredith had not bothered to fill the room. Some nights, she and Shepherd still ended up back there. Izzie was not really sure why.

All the thinking had brought them up to the third floor. She bit her lip, knowing that she was going to lose her chance. Finally, she turned to George and blurted out, "Would you like to go to Joe's with me tonight? Just to…catch up?"

"I'm on call tonight," he answered immediately, and the elevator doors whished open. Izzie nodded and walked out of the elevator. "Izzie?" she turned, and George caught up with her. "Maybe tomorrow night?" he asked, with a small smile.

Izzie nodded. "Yeah. Tomorrow sounds great."

"Great." George went off in the opposite direction and Izzie paused for a moment, smiling to herself.

/ / / /

Meredith walked out of the OR and into the scrub room feeling exhausted and exhilarated. She had not known that those emotions could occur in the same person at the same time, but apparently they could. She had preformed the surgery, her patient was stable. It was five o'clock in the afternoon and she felt as if she could curl up in her bed and sleep for the next day in a half.

_Still,_ she told herself, _count your blessings you're not sick any more_. She went to the sink and turned the water on, beginning to scrub her hands methodically. A second later she felt someone's arms around her waist.

"Derek," she murmured. "We talked about this."

"I know," he whispered in her ear. "Not at work. But I'm too proud of you right now to obey that particular rule. Sorry."

Meredith giggled and put her wet hands over his, gently breaking his grasp around her and turning so that she was facing him with her hands in his. His eyes sparkled as he looked at her and his smile made her amend her earlier wish. She wanted to be at home in bed, with him lying near her, his arms around her, making her feel safe and warm.

"You were great in there," Derek continued. "We should celebrate tonight. I was thinking Mexican?"

Meredith wrinkled her nose. She was not sure if Mexican would sit well with her at the moment. "Um… not tonight. Maybe tomorrow? Let's eat at home tonight, okay? I'll even let you cook. I really want your pasta sauce."

Derek raised an eyebrow. "Well okay. If you want."

"I do. Definitely. Good. It's a date, I'm going to go talk to the patient's family" she said. Then she slipped her hands from his and left him standing in the scrub room. Cristina was waiting outside the door to the gallery.

"I have a patient's family to talk to," Meredith told her, not even letting her friend speak. "Besides I don't think I could even generate enough pee to—"

"Shut up. You've been in surgery three hours. I'm not buying that. Go talk to the family, I can wait."

Meredith glared at her, but Cristina met her gaze, and it was Meredith who had to look away first. She hurried off to the surgical waiting room, determined to push everything else out of her head while she talked to the family.

The patient was a middle-aged father of four. Meredith had only seen the older to, but it seemed that the grandmother who had been watching the two toddlers had decided to come up to the hospital and wait instead of sitting by the phone.

Meredith stepped into the room and watched for a minute before clearing her throat. The mother had both children, two-year-old twins, on her lap and they were holding a copy of Green Eggs and Ham between them. The woman was pale, but as she read her children snuggled close to her, and a smile flickered across her face, amidst the lines of worry. The two older kids, eight and ten, were sitting in chairs to either side of her, trying and failing to look as if they were not listening to their mother read the story as well.

Finally, Meredith stepped closer and cleared her throat. The mother's gaze quickly shot up to meet hers, and the relief was evident as soon as her eyes met Meredith's.

"Paul?" she asked, seeking confirmation.

"He's stable, and the pressure is down significantly. We'll know more in the next day or so, but for now it looks as if he is going to have a smooth recovery. He should be fine."

The older children grinned widely, and the mother's face lit up. "Thank you," she said. "Can I see him?"

"Soon. Someone will come get you when he is awake. I'll be by to check on him in the morning, and he should be ready for discharge in the next few days."

"That's… that's wonderful. Thank you again."

Meredith nodded and left the waiting room, to see Cristina leaning against the wall.

Meredith stared at her. "You're not going to leave me alone, are you?"

"Meredith, you're about to have to deal with something that will not leave you alone for the next eighteen years at the least. You can learn to put up with me".

"Okay, you know what? Fine. Just to appease you. Give it to me." Cristina pulled the cardboard box out from her lab-coat pocket and Meredith grabbed it.

Fifteen minute later, she stood over the sink in the bathroom, staring at the two pink lines that had appeared on the window of the test. Cristina was banging on the door, but all that Meredith could do was stand there, shocked and staring for several more minutes. Slowly, she tore her eyes away from the test and met her own gaze in the mirror. She looked haggard, and small. She suddenly felt, even at twenty-nine, much too young to be dealing with this.

"Meredith Anne Grey, open this damn door!" Cristina hissed. Meredith vaguely registered that she was glad that she was not yelling. That was one false belief they did not need wrongly spread all over the hospital.

"I don't want to talk about it," Meredith said, as she emerged, having thrown away the box and instructions and stuck the stick far into her pocket, to be thought about later.. "Not until I've had time to…figure things out. I need to go. Post-ops. And Derek will be expecting me."

Cristina opened her mouth, but Meredith just held up a hand.

"Not now, okay?" Her friend nodded.

Meredith somehow managed to make it through the rest of her shift, pausing only once or twice to force rambling, scary thoughts out of her mind. Eventually, she was back in the locker room, pulling out her street clothes. She stripped off her scrub top and put on her sweater, and then kicked off her pants. She had both legs in her jeans and was about to button them, when her hand lingered on her belly. She had memories of films from med school, classes on biological development. She knew what the fetus would look like inside her at this stage, what it would look like in two weeks… in three.

The thought was actually pretty scary.

Derek's voice (when had he come into the room?), snapped her out of her thoughts. "Ready to go?" he asked, and she hastily buttoned her pants and grabbed her tote from her locker and slammed it closed. "Yeah," she said, smiling and taking his hand. "Let's go."

They did not talk much on the drive home, and Derek took the bridge instead of the ferry. When they got to the house, he teased her about staying out of the kitchen, and she welcomed the reason to sit by herself in the living room. She curled up on the couch and stared at the empty fireplace.

She should not be feeling this uncertain, should she? She and Derek were together; they were in love. They had been working over the hard parts, figuring out where their lives were going together. They wanted kids. They could make it work. But it all seemed so sudden. The issues with her mother's death still felt fresh, the hurt her mother had done stabbed. Even though she knew her mother loved her, her mother wanted her to love and be loved, she worried about becoming the shrieking shrew whose face dominated her worst childhood memories. She worried about falling behind in her job. And a part of her worried that Derek would think that they were not ready. They had only been together, seriously together, for a little less than five months, after all. That was too soon, wasn't it?

"Do you want me to open one of the bottles of wine your friends gave us?" Derek asked, appearing in the doorway between the living room and kitchen.

Meredith bit her lip, thinking of studies she had read stating that moderate amounts of wine was probably not actually dangerous for babies in utero, but then her doctor-sensibilities won over and she shook her head.

"Not tonight," she said, quietly.

Derek's forehead wrinkled and he came over to sit on the sofa next to her. He put an arm around her. "You okay?" he asked, kissing her temple.

"Fine," she responded hurriedly. "Just tired. Shouldn't you be doing that cooking thing? The pasta sauce smells amazing."

'I didn't even know you liked it that much. I'll have to make it more often."

Meredith nodded, and as an afterthought when he stood to go back into the kitchen, she added, "And put in extra olives, okay?"

"Okay!" he replied. Meredith wondered when, exactly, she had even decided that she liked olives.

A few moments later, wanting to get as far away from her thoughts as possible, Meredith stood up and went into the kitchen to set the table. Not really paying attention to what she was doing, Meredith almost got out three plates.

When they sat down to eat, Meredith stared at her plate. The pasta smelled good, really good, and she was hungry, but the thoughts gnawing at the back of her brain made it harder to wrap the noodles around her fork and eat them.

"So, I have news," Derek said.

Meredith's head shot up, and she hesitantly said, "That's funny… so do I . You go first."

"I got a call today from a neurosurgeon I knew in New York. He's part of the organization committee for a conference there next month, and he wants us to present the results of the clinical trial."

Meredith's jaw dropped. The article on the trial had come out in the peer-reviewed journals several months ago, and she and Derek had had several patients come for the treatment. They had only lost one due to other complications since Beth's surgery. Some Neurosurgeons were planning on coming out to Seattle Grace in the next few months to see it done in the flesh, but that all still seemed surreal to her.

"Wow…. I can't believe it. That's fantastic!" she said, leaning over to take Derek's hand.

"I know. And it's all thanks to you, Meredith. Everyone's amazed that a second-year resident pulled this off."

"You pulled it off," Meredith insisted, "I just had the weird idea."

Derek shook his head. They had had this conversation before. "Well, whatever you think, they want both of us there."

""Wow," Meredith said again, she was pretty sure even her mother had not been presenting at conferences this early.

"And, it's in New York so… if you want of course… we could maybe… go see my family. They all really want to meet you."

Meredith felt her smile falter, but she tried to to let it show. Derek was always trying to think of a way for them to go meet his family, but they had all been so busy. She knew he felt guilty for having not spoke ot them for so long, after Addison.

"That sounds great," Meredith said, finally, then took a bite of her pasta.

"Are you sure?"

"Definitely. I want to see where you came from."

"Okay. But only if you want to. Mom will love you, you know."

Meredith laughed. "Like Nancy loved me?"

Derek shrugged. "Well, my mom's nicer. And if things don't go well, we don't have to go back any time soon."

_Until your mother insists on seeing her grandchild_.

"Now, what was your news?"

Meredith paused, mid-bite. "Um… you know what? I don't even remember. It must not have been too important."

A/N Review please! I was really excited by the amount of reviews for the first chapter. Are you guys just in Grey's withdrawal like I am? How many times have you watched the finale? Be honest!

I know, pregnancy is done a lot. Blame Meredith and Derek for planting this story in my head. I promise, it'll be different than others. Meredith and Derek still aren't all healed and I plan to deal with that.


	3. Anything But Ordinary

She expected him to notice. Weren't abrupt changes in body rhythms something that the person who lived, slept and worked with you supposed to notice? But they were suddenly incredibly busy. There was not a morning in the next few weeks when one of them did not have to leave before the other. When it was Meredith, she dragged herself out of bed, more often than not having to stumble into the bathroom and turn on the shower to mask the sounds of her being sick. It wasn't even that she did not want him to know, but five o'clock in the morning was not the time to reveal news like that.

At night, either in an on-call room or at home she is either too tired to do anything but sleep, or ready to jump Derek as soon as he gets into bed. Either way, it's not generally conducive to talking. All of their talking is limited to planning for the talk that they will give at the upcoming conference.

One evening, a rare one when they were both off, hey sat in the living room, surrounded by scans of patient's brains, those who had survived the surgery and those who had not. They had charts and piles of documents they had filled out during the duration of the trial. The changes they had made in the virus were listed on a chart against the couch. Derek sat on the floor, with his laptop on his lap putting together a Powerpoint, and Meredith was organizing patients by date and then by success rate.

"So… you have done this conference presenting thing before, right?" she asked him.

"Yeah. A couple of times. Nothing quite this big though. Clinical trials scared me." He looked up from his typing, his eyes sparkling, and it was really all Meredith could do to not pull the laptop away from him and straddle him at that moment. In the dim lamplight she studied his features as he kept working. Would their baby have his curly hair? His blue eyes?

He shifted, pulling up the sleeves in his red sweater. "Are you nervous?" he asked. It took her a minute to realize what he was asking about.

"Not really. Just wondering… well I was just wondering if we could do something…maybe a little unorthodox."

Derek chuckled. "Meredith, when has anything we have done ever been orthodox?"

"Good point," Meredith stated. She put down her pile of papers and carefully stepped through the living room and into the kitchen. She slid across the floor in her socks, something that she had always loved to do for fun as a child, even when her mother insisted that she was going to fall and crack her head open.

There was only one picture on the refrigerator, attached to a magnet, with a letter just beneath it. Meredith had a vision of a refrigerator thick with children's artwork, and bit her lip. She needed to stop having these thoughts, not when she still…wasn't sure.

"I know there are laundry lists of issues with ethics, and everything," she said when she came back into the room and reclaimed her spot on the couch, "But I really don't want to lose sight of the fact that these are people. That we kept going because we wanted to save people, not just be the next thing in medical history. Because we lost twelve people before we even got it right for one, but we did get it right. And that is what makes this important."

She held the photo out to Derek, and he took it. Beth had sent it to them. She addressed it to "The Seattle Grace Brain Butcher and Dr. Grey", and wrote to them of going back to school, of making friends. She thanked them for giving her a new chance. The last paragraph was the only one that mentioned Jeremy, and every time she saw it, Meredith felt tears welling up in her eyes.

_Jeremy always convinced me, even in the hard times, that we'd make it. I know I looked all self-assured, but I was scared. He never seemed to be. He got me through, and even when he was gone, he got me through. I can't lose myself in sorrow, because my Jeremy did not die for that. He died, and then you got it right. He died for me, and for everyone else who will be cured from this treatment. _

Derek sat, staring at the picture. It was Beth, on horseback, both hands strong and gripping the reins, head held high and all smiles. On the back she had written _Couldn't you have fixed the tumor earlier? I'm way behind in my riding lessons now!_

"We did it for the people," Meredith repeated. "For Beth and everyone else to live. I don't want people to forget that… or think that it was for glory. It's saving lives."

Derek looked away from the picture and grinned at her. He placed the laptop down and pulled himself onto the couch, placing her legs on his lap. "Meredith Grey, you are amazing. Do you know that?"

Meredith looked away, shrugged, and pulled the pile of papers back onto her lap. "It's just the truth, Derek," she insisted.

Derek just shook his head and began rubbing her feet with his strong hands. _The benefits of being in love with a surgeon_, she thought, he always knew when her feet hurt.

She also wondered if he would think she was so amazing when he found out what she was not telling him. She needed to tell him. She started to open her mouth to speak, but before the words could burst out of her, Derek spoke.

"I called my mom last night. She wants us to come over for dinner while we are in the city. I attempted to convince her not to let the others know we would be there, but my family tends to flock. Are you sure it is still okay?"

"It's okay, Derek," Meredith reassured him. "I can handle your family. I'm not going to break. I promise."

"I don't doubt that, Mer. I just want to let you know that I don't want to force you. "

Meredith nodded. "No forcing going on here. Okay. I've got to be in at five tomorrow morning, to cover your pre-ops, by the way, so I'm going to bed."

She slid her legs down and put the papers on the floor, leaning over to kiss him. "Coming?" she asked. "I plan on sleeping."

"I'll finish up here first," he replied. "Good night Mer."

"Night," Meredith replied, heading up the stairs. She paused by the ferryboat picture as she nearly always did, smirking at Mark's sense of humor, and then she continued upstairs to bed, wishing that she wasn't so confused.

/ / / / /

"Why can't I just tell him?" Meredith asked, staring at the upper bunk of the on-call room.

"I don't know," Cristina replied. "You're somehow afraid that a crying, pooping infant might tarnish the bright and shiny?"

Meredith rolled onto her side and punched the pillow. "Maybe" she conceded. "But I don't think so. We want kids. Even I do. I want kids. We have a room. For the kids to play. But now…. Right now…."

"Okay, I'm going to tell you what Bailey told me once, and then I am going to let you figure this out for yourself, so that you will stop whining. Okay?"

"Okay," Meredith agreed, because she did not know what else to do.

"She said that at some point you just know. You know if it is right for you to have the kid or not… she said she considered not having Tuck, but one night she just knew. So there you go. You have to just know, or whatever. So I can't help you."

Meredith sighed heavily again and frowned. "I know that Derek wants kids. He wanted them with Addison but they never had a good chance to… and I want them too, believe it or not. I like kids. I am scared of being my mother, but I know what Derek or anyone really would say about that. I know it's useless to worry, and that I have to learn from my mother's mistakes and all that stuff I covered in therapy. I just don't… know. I don't know."

"Maybe you don't have to know yet," Cristina pointed out. "When you do know, tell me. Until then, shut up so that I can sleep."

Meredith obeyed, wondering a little bit if Cristina wasn't a little too unfeeling sometimes. But then, she reasoned, this probably all hit too close for her friend, what with the baby dilemma and the marriage question and all. For all she was hard, Meredith knew that Cristina still was not healed from Burke. If she wanted to be laughed at she would suggest that maybe a visit to Dr. Wyatt would not be amiss for Cristina either, but she knew that was not her thing. It had not been Meredith's thing either, at first.

Maybe she should ask the therapist about this too, but Meredith knew that she would only be told what she knew she would be told. Figure it out. Tell Derek, communication is key, but make your own decision. She knew all that. She just had to figure out how to make it work. She rolled onto her back and thought that she might just fall asleep, when her pager went off, summoning her to the ER. She stood up, pausing to gain her bearings and then left the room, leaving Cristina without a word, per her instructions.

/ / / /

Alex pulled into the hospital parking lot and before he cut the engine Izzie had kissed him on the cheek, said, "See you later" and bounced out of the car to run towards the door to the clinic, where she would open up before going to the surgical floor. Alex watched her movements in the rearview mirror, and then rested his head on the steering wheel. "Dammit!" he exclaimed. Then he sat up and repeated, more loudly, "Dammit!" Then he got out of the car and headed inside as well, slamming the car door shut.

In the residents' locker room, he found that he and George were the only ones there. He would never say it, to anyone, but he was glad that Bambi had been given his second chance. It was fair. Everyone of them had been given a second chance by the chief at some point, and hell, George had done some pretty impressive stuff his first time as an intern, he really did not need to do it again.

"Hey," George said, looking up as Alex came in.

Alex nodded and threw open his locker. It clashed against the one next to it loudly and George looked over at him.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," Alex replied as he pulled out his scrubs. Then he turned to look at George. "Listen, O'Malley, you and Izzie… you're not a thing are you?" He regretted asking it immediately. Why was he, Alex, asking O'Malley about a chick. But he still paused in his changing to lean against the lockers and wait for George's answer.

"Me and Izzie? No, we're not a thing. I don't have a thing with anybody. I am thing-less."

Alex rolled his eyes. O'Malley and that rambling thing he did whenever he felt confronted was getting old. He pulled on the bottoms of his scrubs and slammed the locker shut. He was about to head onto the floor to see if Sloan needed him for anything before he started his own rounds when George called after him.

"Alex?"

"Huh?" Alex said, resting one hand on the doorknob.

"You…uh… you need to go for it with her, if you're going to. I mean…. We've been talking. Just talking…. But she said…. She likes you but… she said she wants you guys to be together or not. That she likes that you all can, you know, go to each other when you need it, but she wants… more than that." George met his eyes and Alex stared at him for a minute. It was what he wanted to hear, in a way, wasn't it? But it also made him nervous. Still he nodded once and opened the door, only to have Grey push passed him.

He watched her as she pretty much collapsed onto the wooden bench in the middle of the room and put her head in her hands.

Alex decided against talking to Sloan and went to sit down next to her. "Hey, you okay?" he asked. "Did Shepherd do something? I can take care of him, if he did."

To his surprise, Meredith burst out laughing. O'Malley took his coat out of his locker and came over to sit on the other side of Meredith, putting a hand on her shoulder.

After a minute or so, she finally looked up, and Alex saw that there were dark circles under her eyes.

"It never gets easy, does it?" she asked.

"No," George said simply. "It doesn't. What happened?"

Meredith shrugged. "We lost a patient. A little boy, who looked as if he would fly through surgery, but he didn't make it that far. It's not fair, especially when it's a kid."

She sighed, and Alex noticed that she had her arms curled protectively around her abdomen. A thought crossed over his mind, but George spoke up, and he forgot it.

"He wasn't here for the tumor treatment, was he?"

"No. He had a subdural haematoma when he came into the ER last night. We hoped that it would heal itself, but it didn't, so his surgery was scheduled for a couple of hours from now."

George nodded.

"Hey, what are you calling the treatment anyway? Shepherd's name should be on it, and yours." Alex commented, but Meredith shook her head.

"We're calling it Jeremy's Treatment, since his was the surgery that led us to figuring it out. It's amazing. That strain of the virus has been perfect for all the others. It's medically astounding."

"Fellowship offers are going to be fighting over you, you know that, right?" George said.

Meredith smiled wearily and shrugged. "I guess. Well, I need to go run pre-op labs on my three o'clock surgery." She walked towards the door and then hung back for a second. "Thanks," she added.

"No problem," Alex said, as O'Malley added, "We're here for you, Mer."

She smiled lightly, not hiding the fatigue in her face, and left.

"You would think," George commented when the door closed, "That after the sparkle pager, the cure for the tumor, being the first of all of us to fly solo… after all of that Meredith would have realized what a talented surgeon she is."

Alex shrugged. "It's Grey. Who knows if she will." George nodded and Alex left the room, in search of Sloan and hoping that he would have a good case that day to make the day at least a little better.

/ / / /

Doctor Alexandra Caroline Grey, second year resident at Seattle Grace Hospital. Lexie loved the sound of that. She loved being a doctor, saving lives, surgeries. Sometimes, on those dark nights when she was lonely and sure that she would never make it, she looked at her lab coat and thought _I made it this far. I can keep going_. Sometimes, too, she watched her sister. Watched Meredith be the talk of the hospital with her surgeries, with the medical mysteries solved by a second year resident and figured that she could do it too.

But there were also the times when she sat in the living room of the apartment wishing that she had just become a kindergarten teacher like she had wanted to when she was five and let the doctor's kit she got for her sixth birthday gather dust. When she passed her test to become a resident the month before she thought, _This is it! This is when I become a real doctor_. But it was not. Not even the sparkle pager made her confident enough to think she was out of the woods. (George, who was in their sparkle pager competition by default, had almost swooped it out from under her, but she made it with seventy-seven stitches on a laceration at eleven o'clock the night that the chief resident tallied the points).

Everyone else seemed to think differently. When they saw that Yang was letting her do more and more in her cardio surgeries, even when she was no longer her intern, they whispered. Once, Lexie even heard Nurse Debby say that she was following in her sister's footsteps. Lexie was not sure why this made her prouder than the rest of it.

Maybe because on the night when she was walking out of the hospital for the first time since the two weeks before the sparkle pager competition began, Meredith was waiting for her.

"Come on," Meredith had said. "Let's go to Joe's and celebrate. You can crash at my place and we'll make Derek make breakfast." And it did not matter that Lexie was exhausted, and that she really wanted to go back to the apartment and sleep. She climbed followed Meredith to Joe's and smiled when Meredith told Joe why they were there. "Lexie won the pager," she explained. Not, Lexie registered, 'my sister'. But it was good enough.

A month later, Lexie was definitely enjoying the power of the pager. It had allowed her to scrub in on the surgery for the man last month who had hit his head on concrete after diving of a hotel roof and missing the pool, and Meredith had let her make the first incision. She got in on the massive tour bus wreck that had the chief wondering why ever trauma in Seattle seemed to be in Seattle Grace's territory. She even, once or twice, sparkle pagered George out of cardio surgeries.

So, as a doctor, she was doing all right. But that did not help when she was carrying charts and walked into Nurse Tyler when George called out hello to her. It did not keep her from cleaning the apartment before he got home each night, waiting up to see how his surgeries went. She made up excuses to see him on their days off. Even though he had told her he didn't want a relationship. She understood, he was busy; he had been hurt.

She couldn't help it though.

She thought it was getting a little ridiculous the morning she spilled coffee on herself trying to fix it for him before he got up.

But she did not know what to do. She wished her mother were around to talk to, but she was not. Her father was of no help whatsoever. He was not drinking as much any more. Molly had figured it out and made him come live with her for several months, and Lexie had been glad to at least get away from that responsibility, even if her sister thought she should have done more for him. But, there was also no way she could talk to Molly, her _younger_ sister who was raising a baby, had a husband in the military and taking care of their father, about her boy problems.

So, eventually, she did the only thing she could think of doing. At the end of her shift she went in search of Meredith.

She found her in the doctors' break room, scouring the freezer for something. "There's no champagne in there are in the trashcan, if that's what you're looking for," Lexie said, leaning against a table. Meredith jerked up and hit her head on the top of the fridge.

"Ow. No… I wasn't looking for that. I thought I left a thing of ice cream in here the last time I stole it from Debby. I guess not." She stood up. "What's up?" she asked, taking her tote bag from the table where Lexie was leaning.

"Um…tell you what… I'll buy you ice cream if you'll listen to me ramble for a while."

She was not sure if she really expected Meredith to say yes or not; she was difficult to read some times, but Meredith shrugged. "Okay."

They took Meredith's car to the supermarket and loaded up with two pints of strawberry ice cream and then began the longer drive out to Meredith's house. They talked about surgeries, even ground, until they got into her living room. The house was quiet. Meredith dropped her keys into a bowl by the door and slipped off her shoes.

Lexie went into the kitchen in search of bowls and spoons. A few minutes later, they were curled up on opposite ends of the couch, eating what Meredith proclaimed "the best strawberry ice cream ever". Lexie thought that was a long shot, but Ben&Jerry's _was_ good.

"So," Meredith said, licking a drip off of her spoon. "Talk."

Lexie hesitated for a minute. "It's George," she said finally. "I don't know what it is about him. I should not feel this way about him, I mean he's just my roommate but he's also kind, and funny, and an amazing doctor he's…wonderful. And I think—I know—that he kind of likes me. But he doesn't want an—us." she trailed of. Meredith was nodding slowly.

"Yeah, he is. George is all of that," she agreed. "But he's also damaged. I don't know… how much you know but… George has probably slept with more women at the hospital than Alex. But he's not…. He's always been looking for something real. And he has been hurt. Olivia slept with Alex—" Lexie blanched. "And got the syph. I think you're okay. Callie… well I don't know much about Callie. They seemed to work, but I think he just moved too fast. And Izzie… Izzie was his best friend. And I think that's it. I think he's afraid of what happened with Izzie happening with you. He doesn't want to ruin a friendship."

Lexie nodded. "So how do I make him aware that that's not going to happen?"

Meredith sighed and put her empty bowl on the coffee table. "I'm not sure, Lex. Just keep being there. And maybe tell him, one day, when it's right; that you're not going anywhere. But leave it at that. Let him make a move. Be careful."

Lexie nodded, putting down her own bowl. "Meredith?

"Yeah?" Meredith said, stretching a little.

"What about you? You and George? I heard rumors but I never knew…"

Meredith sighed. "Well… one night I was sad. And he was George, he had always been there, said all the right things. And so I thought maybe. And then I cried."

"You…. Cried?"

"I cried. During sex. Because I suddenly realized that I should not be using George as a replacement. He deserved better than that. And I knew that we would never be able to go back to the nights when Izzie and I would lie in his bed and complain about boys. To the days at the beginning of our internship when all we had were each other. And he moved out."

"But you guys are still friends," Lexie pointed out.

"Yeah. But it's taken this long. A year and a half or whatever it's been. And it's not like it was. And he's not the same with Izzie either. Just be careful, Lex. I think if anyone of us is best for him, it's you."

"Thanks," Lexie said.

Meredith did not respond directly. "Do you want to stay here tonight? You can sleep upstairs with me, Derek won't be home tonight."

"Um… sure. If it's okay. "

Meredith looked away. "Yeah… it's too quiet here without Derek. I'm used to a busier house, you know?"

Lexie nodded. Meredith looked as if she was going to say something else but she did not. Instead she picked up the bowls and Lexie heard her loading them into the dishwasher.

Not long after, they went upstairs and lay on opposite sides of Meredith's bed. Lexie lay on her side, looking at Meredith who had her hands behind her head and was staring up at the ceiling, thoughtfully.

"Lexie?" she asked. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Yeah," Lexie responded. "What is it?"

"I'm pregnant. I haven't told Derek yet. Cristina knows but she… she's not interested."

Lexie pushed herself up on an elbow. "You should tell Derek," she said. "And if you're not telling him because you're scared, tell him that too. And for what it's worth, I think you'll be a pretty good mom."

"People say that," Meredith said. "But I don't know a lot about typical childhoods. Santa Claus and all that? That stopped when I was five. I never got money from a tooth fairy, because Mom thought the idea was ridiculous. I don't know random nursery rhymes. My knowledge of kids books starts when I was seven and could walk to the library on my own, so I know no baby books…"

"I think Derek can probably handle that side of things," Lexie said. "And I can help you. I know way more nursery rhymes than the average kid. I took a course on the origins of them in college."

"You're kind of strange, Lexie. But thank you."

"I know I am. And you're welcome. Go to sleep, you're growing a person."

Meredith laughed, and eventually grew silent. Lexie, lay awake for a while longer, thinking about what Meredith had said about George, and then finally fell asleep.

A/N

**IMPORTANT: before the next chapter I am changing my penname to Chicleeblair (the same as my LJ Name) **

Okay, so I lied when I said I didn't know where this was going. Or, I didn't… but it ate my brain. Seriously. It's taken me over. My family doesn't see me… but I'm okay with that. Because I love doing this. And I love your reviews as well.

And yes. She should have told him in the cozy living room moment. But she didn't. So we'll see where that goes.


	4. You Oughta Know

It figured, that just when she had decided to tell him the truth, Meredith could not find the right time to let Derek know what was going on. The night Lexie slept over was two days before they were due to leave for New York, and so they were busy everywhere. At the hospital, Derek was doing operations that had been moved up, while Meredith sat in conference rooms, briefing other neurosurgeons on patients who Derek was following, and thus who might turn up while they were gone.

At home, they were packing. Throwing clothes in to suitcases, scouring the house for lost pieces of paperwork and the mate to the shoe that Meredith wanted to wear on the day of their presentation. It was amazing to Meredith, when they were loading the suitcase into Derek's car, that with all the insanity of packing, they only ha d the suitcase, the bag of papers and Derek's laptop, and her purse. They would only be gone for three days.

In the car on the way to the airport, Meredith thought _Maybe now_. But, the airport was not far, and they had to have a conversation that would not work walking through security, waiting for planes or on crowded aircrafts. So she checked them in while he helped the airline employee load their suitcase onto a scale, then took his hand as they walked into the airport.

They had a while to wait before their flight, sitting on airport chairs, sipping hot coffee. Meredith's hand was wrapped around Derek, and she thought that maybe there would be enough time, but then he stood. "I'm going to go find something to read at the newsstand. Come with me?"

She shook her head, pulling a medical journal out of her bag.

"Meredith, you do know you can relax some times, right?"

"Of course," she murmured, "But there's an article in here I want to read."

Derek shrugged and wandered off, as Meredith clicked a highlighter she had clipped to the journal and began reading. Derek came back with a copy of People, and she smiled as he laughed at the banality of many of the articles. And then it was time to board the flight.

When they boarded the plane, Meredith paused in putting her bag in the overhead bin to smile at a baby sitting in the seat behind them, sleeping in its mother's arms. No doubt it would wake up during the journey. Over the sounds of a squalling baby was not the time to tell Derek she was pregnant, she was pretty sure.

Meredith, who had never been airsick in her life, was fully expecting to on this flight. After having spent the past weeks dealing with trying to keep others from catching onto the fact that she was nearly always ill, she was actually grateful for the ready-made excuse being on the airplane gave her. But it didn't come. The take-off came and went, and once the fasten seatbelt sign had gone off, she finally relaxed, leaning back against her seat and glancing out the window.

"You okay?" Derek asked, as she slid her hand into his once again. "Yeah, fine," she replied, with a small smile.

The flight was six hours long, but Meredith slept for most of it, curled up in her seat with her head on Derek's shoulder. He kept his arm around her shoulders protectively as he held a paperback in the other. When she awoke every once in a while, she could smell his cologne and it was comforting.

When they were nearly there, Meredith woke up and shrugged her shoulders, trying to relieve the inevitable crick that came from such an awkward sleeping position.

"Hey," she said, when she saw Derek was looking at her.

"Hey," he replied. "Sleep okay?"

She shrugged. "I guess. So tomorrow…. What happens exactly?"

He put down the book, stowing it in the bag in front of his seat. "Well, there will be the conference opening ceremony, and all of that. We present at 11:15. They've given us the larger auditorium-style room, since they think we'll be pretty popular. "

"See, ego, just the right size," Meredith teased.

"Right. So, we present. Then the rest of the day we go to sessions, or talk to people, or research or whatever. There's always a reception in the evening, but I only signed us up for the one the next night, since we're going to my mother's tomorrow night. "

"Right. That," Meredith agreed.

"You're still sure—"

They were interrupted by the flight attendant, announcing that they were about to begin their descent. It was a few minutes later that Derek was gently stroking Meredith's hair and murmuring, "It's okay Mer. It's just airsickness. It happens."

Meredith closed her eyes and wrapped her fingers around the hem of his sweater wishing that that were the case.

/ / / /

"Hey, did you hear that Izzie caved?" Lexie asked George, as she sat down her tray next to him at lunch. "Alex has been bugging her for so long about that wedding, she caved. He even asked me! May have forgotten sleeping with me, but he asked me to go to a wedding with him."

"Yeah, I know. I figured he'd cave eventually," George said, stabbing a fork into a tomato. "He wants to be serious with her."

Lexie raised an eyebrow. "Well… we'll see how that goes," she murmured.

"Yeah. Well they were pretty close a few times before, so we'll see."

Lexie nodded, taking a bite of her sandwich and then chewed a while, thoughtfully. "Does it bother you? I mean, after you and Izzie…?"Her cheeks burned, and she almost knocked over her water when she reached for it, but she kept her gaze on him.

George shrugged. "Izzie and I weren't right then. And so if she's happy with him that's what matters to me. She's my friend more than anything, you know?"

"Yeah," Lexie said, nodding slowly. "I know." She took a sip of water and kept eating her sandwich. When she was nearly done she set it down. "All right!" she exclaimed, startling George. "I'm going to say this once, because I know we have talked about this before. But I need to say it. So here goes.

"I… I love you George. In the 'I'm your roommate and I know your habits' kind of way. In an 'you've seen me in bloody scrubs, and at five in the morning and without my coffee.' But I also love you in a deep, love you until the end of time kind of way. And I know you've been hurt, a lot. And I know that you may not be ready for a relationship and that… and that you worry about losing me. But if, at some point we try and it doesn't work, you won't lose me. And if we never try, you won't lose me either. So if that's the only reason you said no, then stop worrying. But if it's not if…" she bit her lip and then kept talking. "If it's not, then tell me. Tell me so I can stop acting like such an idiot around you and move on with my life."

She ducked her head down and stuffed the rest of her sandwich into her mouth, so that when he told her… whatever he was going to say she could just leave. After she had chewed and swallowed, she looked up, wondering if he was ever going to speak. He was looking at her, with his head tilted just a little and something in his eyes that she did not quite recognize.

"This is the part when you say something," she said. "Or, if you don't want to you don't have to, but I would really appreciate it if you would say something. That would be great actually…"

"Okay," he said.

"Okay what?"

"Okay. I'm… uh… I'm glad you told me. And… you're right. I'm not ready for another relationship. But… maybe I'll get ready. And when I do… I'll let you know. You'll be the first to know."

"Okay," Lexie said with a smile. She started to gather her trash, but she could not keep the dopey smile off of her face.

"But Lexie," George said, as she started to turn away. Her heart snuck just a little as she turned back to him.

"Yes?" she asked, looking just over his shoulder.

"Don't wait for me, okay? Be happy."

"Yeah, yeah of course," she replied, knowing that she would not. She would wait for him. She turned and started to walk away with out really looking and walked straight into someone, dropping her half-empty cup of water on the floor, and barely hanging onto her tray.

"Grey, look where you're going!" Dr. Bailey said, after she jumped out of the way of the splash of water. "Aren't you supposed to be in the clinic helping Dr. Mostow?"

Lexie nodded, still not used to hearing Steve called by that name and not "Number two".

She put the tray back on the table, to get napkins to mop up her spill, but George was already there.

"Go to the clinic," he told her "I got this."

"Thanks," she said quietly, meaning for everything, and she knew that he would understand that.

She grabbed her tray and this time managed to get it to the trashcan without dumping her sandwich plate onto anyone, and then went into the clinic. The dopey smile had returned to her face, and for a minute she considered text-messaging Meredith to let her know. She had almost decided against it when she wondered, why the hell not? Actually saying things had been getting her pretty far so far.

/ / / /

They arrived at La Guardia on time, but it seemed to take forever, in Meredith's opinion, to get out of the airport with their suitcase. The got a cab, and Meredith kept her eyes glued to the window as the drove to their hotel.

"You know, I never thought to ask, Mer. Have you been to New York?" Derek asked, running a hand through her hair.

Meredith shrugged. "Once or twice when Mom was with the UN, but it was usually to have one important conversation regarding m future or another and I did not pay much attention."

Derek nodded, and stared out the window over her shoulder. "I forgot how much I missed it," he commented, as they headed through Time Square.

"It must have been hard to leave for college. If you were so in love with New York, I mean."

"Nah. I was eighteen. I was absolutely sick of Manhattan at the time. You know how it is, when you're young and just want to get away."

"Yeah," Meredith said, leaning back. "Boy do I know that."

When they got out of the car, Derek unloaded their suitcase, and Meredith checked them in. Once they were finally in the room, Meredith sat crosslegged on the bed, with Derek lying next to her, his arms behind his head, looking peaceful. This was probably a good time, she decided, before the hubbub of the next few days, before their presentation.

She leaned back and began to run her fingers gently through his hair. She kissed him gently and leaned over him, smiling. "So," she said, "We're here."

"We are," he agreed, smiling.

"Okay. We're here. And i… I have something to tell you."

He rolled over, putting his head on his hand and meeting her eyes. "Mer, what is it?"

She took a breath and opened her mouth, and then there was a loud knock on the door. Derek sat up instinctively and held up a finger. "Hold that thought. It's probably just the maid service or something."

For the first time, Meredith completely understood that "Do Not Disturb" signs had uses other than keeping hotel staff from walking in during sex. She sat up and dangled her legs over the edge of the bed, watching as Derek opened the door to reveal three men, all of whom exclaimed, "Shep!" as soon as he was revealed.

Derek's face broke into a grin. "What are you assholes doing here?" he asked after exchanging manly-men-like hugs with all of them. Meredith stood and leaned against the wall behind him.

"Wondering why the hell Manhattan's—" the speaker paused to count the men around him, "fourth best neurosurgeon hasn't had the courage to show his face in the city in two years."

Derek laughed. "I moved to Seattle to give you quacks a chance to actually get a case for once," he jibed. "Meredith, come here and meet the men who benefitted most from my leaving New York."

Meredith stepped forward, uncrossing her arms to shake hands with each man.

"Meredith is the resident who found Jeremy's Treatment," Derek bragged. "I just signed off on her paperwork."

"You're too modest, Derek," Meredith said, almost calling him Dr. Shepherd, but realizing if these men were his friends, he would probably tell them the truth or something. "He did more than sign the paperwork," she addressed the men, "He did all the sutures."

The men laughed in appreciation and Derek smiled.

"Wait," one of the men, who looked older than the other two, "I saw you in the program. You're Meredith Grey, right?" Meredith nodded, knowing exactly where this was going. "Are you any relation to—"

"Ellis Grey is…was my mother," Meredith said quietly, crossing her arms again and leaning, she hoped surreptitiously on Derek.

The man nodded. "I thought so. You look just like her. Ellis was a brilliant woman. Cold, yes, but brilliant."

Meredith shifted uncomfortably and felt Derek's hand on her back.

"So, gentlemen, what can I do for you?" he asked, rather grandiosely, Meredith thought.

"Come hang out with us, Shep," the one who Meredith had decided was the ringleader said. "We'll get dinner and drink and have a good time!"

"And bring the lady!" the one who had recognized her name added. Meredith took a step back.

Derek turned, "What do you think, Mer?"

"You go," she said instantly. "I'll be fine."

Derek looked over his shoulder at the men. "Okay. I'll meet you guys in the lobby in five minutes."

They let out whoops that Meredith would have expected to hear from frat boys and not neurosurgeons, then headed down the hall towards the elevator.

Derek closed the door and Meredith retreated back to the bed.

"You sure it's okay?" Derek asked, pulling his coat out of the closet.

"Of course. I'll unpack and go over the presentation. I might…" she paused, wondering if she should even tell him this. "Well, there's a pool on the second floor. I dunno. I thought I might go swimming or something."

Derek turned away from the closet and came to sit next to her. He gathered her hands in his. "Are you sure? Do you want me to go with you?"

Meredith shook her head. "I have to do this on my own. Besides, it's just a swimming pool. I've been in many. I think you might freak out more than I would."

Derek laughed. "Yeah, you're right." He leaned in to kiss her. "So what was it that you wanted to tell me?"

Meredith shrugged. "Oh. It can wait. Go out with the boys."

"Yes ma'am," he said with a smile, and then kissed her forehead. A second later, he was out the door. Meredith sighed and began unpacking their suitcase.

She had slipped the bathing suit in there without him knowing, and she pulled it out last. Glancing at the bag on the desk, she decided that she would do this before the presentation work had to be done and she lost her nerve.

She changed and wrapped in a towel, grateful that the pregnancy was not showing yet. In slip-on shoes she padded down to the elevator and rode to the second floor. She could hear children's laughter and splashes before she reached the door to the pool, and she almost turned and went back once or twice, but she made herself keep going.

Once there, she thought about diving in, but decided that that was maybe not such a great idea. Flashes of a man's heavy arm against her chest, throwing her backwards were flashing through her mind as she climbed down the ladder. Submersing her head as she still held onto the wall, she tried to keep her mind on childhood swim teams and medals, not Denny and Dylan in an otherwise empty hospital. It was some minutes before she could make herself let go and push off to begin swimming.

She felt the rhythm of swimming come back to her instantly, and she was swiftly moving through the water before she began to feel as if it was closing in on her. She forced herself to take a breath, realize how easy it was. This water was not pulling her down, she could control it. She managed only a few more laps before she felt as if she might freak out, but she decided that it was progress.

She hoisted herself out, staring over the water, thinking. Weren't there classes or something? Water aerobics for pregnant women? Maybe that would get her used to being in water. It seemed a shame not to, when she had loved it so long since childhood. But then she laughed to herself. Like she would ever be able to make it to a class taught on a normal person's schedule.

"Are you okay, miss?" someone asked her. She realized that she must seem odd, perched on the edge of a pool, looking slightly freaked out and laughing to herself.

"Fine," she said, standing up and wrapping back in her towel. She almost meant it.

Upstairs, she showered and put on a pair of pajama pants and a Dartmouth shirt. She began reviewing paperwork she had seen a million times as a refresher. As it grew later, she filled a glass of water and put it on the bedside table, making a note to make Derek drink it when he got back. An hour later, she added two Advil. By eleven, she was wondering how evil it would be to mock him the next day if he were hungover while they presented at the Big Important Conference.

She was just about to get into bed and let him take care of himself when she heard fumbling at the door. She got up and opened it, to revel Derek, jacket half off, holding the keycard upside down, and obviously frustrated.

"Hi," he said sheepishly. "I've been drinking."

"So I guessed," she said, with a laugh. "Come in. you need to sleep."

"Mmm," Derek said, as she propelled him inside and he began kissing her neck. "Sleep is for boring people."

"No," Meredith said, pushing him onto the bed and peeling off his jacket. "Sleep is for people who have to make presentations tomorrow, remember?"she put the water in his hand and began digging through a drawer for his pajamas.

"Speaking of water," he said, even though they had not been. "Did you do the swimming thing?"

She turned and tossed the pajamas at him. "Put these on." He obeyed, and she sat on the bed next to him, holding his glass. "I did. It went as well as could be expected."

Derek pulled his shirt over his head and slid on his pajama pants, then leaned over, putting his head in her lap and smiling up at her. She ran her fingers through her hair. "You're beautiful," he said, smiling loosely.

"You're drunk," she replied. "Come on, bed time." She made him take the Advil, and replaced them with two more for morning, then climbed into bed next to him. His arm fell over her heavily and she thought he was asleep when he muttered.

"Didn't you have something to tell me?"

"Not tonight," she whispered. He didn't answer, his breathing had already become heavy. It took her much longer to fall asleep.

/ / / / /

Izzie sat at a table in a gorgeously decked out reception hall in Oregon. She absentmindedly played with the stir stick in her cocktail and rested an elbow on the table. One of the men nearby was glancing at her fairly regularly, and she hoped Alex would get back soon.

She could not believe that she had agreed to this. She finally caved after the tenth time Alex asked, because his eyes were pleading and he said, "Iz, it's not just the wedding. I want to spend time with you. And whether or not that was true, she fell for it. Besides, she and Alex came through for each other. They cried in each others arms after broken hearts, and maybe could fix each other too.

Lights twinkled around her, as on the dance floor the bride danced in a circle with young cousins. Izzie was surprised that Alex had any ties with his family, but it seemed as if he actually cared for his mother's family.

"They wanted to help," he told her, in the car on the way here. "She refused. Cut off all ties when we moved to Iowa. I grew up with my cousin's family after Mom died, and they put up with my little bastard self."

"Hey," Alex said, in the present, appearing by her with another drink and one of his own in the other hand.

"Hey," she replied. "So, the wedding was beautiful."

"You're beautiful," Alex responded, running a finger over the fabric of her shiny blue dress. Izzie felt her face warm up and hoped that in the dim light he would not be able to notice.

She finished her drink and then fond herself taking Alex's hand. "Come on," she said. "Let's dance."

He finished his own drink. "As a rule," he said, as she pulled him to the dance floor "I don't dance."

"But?" she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"But," he continued, as they began to sway to the music. "I made you come to this with me, I should dance with you."

"So that's your only reason?" Izzie asked, only half teasing.

"No, of course not," he replied. Then, he surprised her. As they moved, he leaned in, kissing her just below her right ear.

"Alex," she whispered. "Don't do it if you don't mean it."

He pulled back a little, meeting her eyes. "Izzie, I do mean it. I've always meant it."

She felt the sincerity in his voice, and whilst she was not really sure if she trusted him, she nodded.

"Want to get to of here?" he asked, and without waiting for an answer, went to get their coats. Izzie stood next to the table where they had sat, feeling her body tingle strangely with something that she had not felt in a long time. Hope. When Alex reappeared, she smiled and took his hand, allowing her to lead her out of the hotel ballroom where the reception was being held, and to the elevator.

/ / / / /

"I thought I was the one who drank too much last night," Derek's voice muttered as Meredith emerged from the bathroom to collapse back on the king sized bed.

"You're awake," she replied, instead of answering. "That's a good sign."

"It's okay if you're nervous," he responded, not letting the earlier statement drop. "But I promise, you'll do fine." His finger played with a piece of her hair. "What time is it?"

"Nearly ten," Meredith admitted. "I figured letting you sleep was more important than the opening ceremony."

"Intelligent and beautiful. I knew I loved you for a reason," Derek said, sitting up and downing the water and Advil left there from the night before. "Do you want the shower first?"

Meredith shook her head, not wanting to get up. "You take it, you smell like a bar."

Derek just grunted in acknowledgement and moments later Meredith heard the water running.

By the time he was done she felt better enough to shower and when she was dressed she thought she might just make it through the presentation. They went to the room at eleven, to begin setting up.

Derek fiddled with his computer and the projector that the organizers had provided, as Meredith set out copies of diagrams for their audience to examine. She watched, almost in shock as the auditorium began to fill. People were standing in the back. She felt bad for whoever else had a session at that time.

She smoothed her hands over her skirt, she couldn't believe she was wearing a skirt, and went over to stand by Derek.

"I have an idea," she murmured. "You do the talking, and I'll stand off to the side nodding, everyone will think I'm your little Lolita who you kept on the project to give yourself something to look at, and I'll be okay with that."

Derek let out a low chuckle. "I think I'd agree to that as readily as you'd agree to do this so I could go sleep."

"It's your own fault," she told him, trying to sound as chipper as possible.

"Says the girl who drunkenly slept with her boss the day before her first day at work," Derek whispered in her ear, and Meredith blushed. He then stepped behind her to the podium. "Good morning, everyone," he said. "If you know me, you know that I think every day is a beautiful day to save lives. So when Dr. Grey asked me to help her find yet another way to do this, I jumped at the chance. Once we figured out the key, we knew that we had to share it with the medical community. So let's have some fun. To start this off, let me introduce Dr. Meredith Grey, whose idea this was. Dr. Grey?"

This was Meredith's cue, she stepped up to the podium, and cleared her throat. "We had a patient at Seattle Grace come in after a completely unrelated incident. His uncharacteristic actions had caused him and his family to be mauled by a bear. After I diagnosed the tumor, I remembered studies I had come across of similar tumors being treated in animals. I did research and approached Dr. Shepherd with the idea. We started out with a strain of the virus closest to that used in animals…" they went on to talk about the development of the virus, the techniques they had tried, the importance of injecting the tumor at both ends.

When they finished bringing the audience up to date on all of the adjustments they had had to make, and what finally worked, Meredith took Derek's place at the podium again.

"It seemed impossible after a while," she said. "We were about to be closed down after eleven patients died. But I could not let it go. We were so close. People must have thought we were doing this for the glory, killing people for our own benefit. But due to the nature of the trial, the things that must be explained to patients, I got to know most of our patients very well. And every surgery I hoped for them. My mother, who some of you may have known, my mother used to say a surgeon needs to be detached. But every attachment made me more determined to figure this out.

"And we did. The lives we lost weren't worthless. But the ones we saved, the twenty individuals who we have saved so far, they deserve to live. And that's why we kept going. So that more people could live. Because that's what surgery is about."

She stepped down, just as Derek displayed Beth's picture. Meredith had called her and gotten permission. She was pleased that "all those doctors would get to see that patients really had lives."

They answered questions, and soon it was done. Meredith felt a rush of adrenaline as people began to stop her and Derek in their packing up to congratulate them. More than one commented on how "fantastic it was. Just a second year resident." Meredith grinned, despite her embarrassment.

When they got back to the privacy of their room, Derek wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "You were fabulous, Meredith," he said. "Absolutely fantastic." He pulled back and kissed her, and she put her arms around his neck, fingering the hairs just above her hands.

"Now, " Derek said a minute later, sitting on the bed. "You are going to go to sessions and learn things to impress all those other residents who are back at Seattle Grace on SCUT, and I am going to take a nap in preparation for facing m mother."

Meredith laughed. "Shouldn't I be the one preparing for that?"

"Nah. She'll love you," Derek insisted. "She may not love me anymore, but she'll love you."

Meredith shook her head and headed for the door. "Hey Der?" she said.

He glanced up, his eyes already half closed. "Yeah?"

"I... I love you."

"I love you too, Mer," he said seriously. She smiled and ducked out of the room.

She did learn a lot at the various sessions. In between, people came up to talk to her, and not once was her mother's named mentioned. People, were intrigued by Jeremy's Treatment, and Meredith suddenly realized what a huge deal this was in the medical community. She had understood what it meant to the patients, and to Derek and her, but this was unexpected.

She got so wrapped up in sessions and talking, emerging with many business cards of surgeons interested in knowing more, and more than one chief of surgery telling her to keep them in mind when she went looking for fellowships, that she almost did not get back to the room in time to dress to see Derek's mother.

When Derek asked her about what she had learned, she gave him a run through that lasted until they pulled up to his mothers' brownstone.

They went up the steps and Meredith suddenly couldn't not say it any more. Derek had just pushed the doorbell when her voice got ahead of her brain and she said sharply, "Derek?" he turned to her, his eyes worried and for a split second before she spoke she wondered if he thought she was backing out of meeting his mother. "Derek, I'm pregnant."

His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped, just as the door was flung open and a proper looking woman in her early sixties threw her arms around her son's neck.

**A/N **Can I just say, how much I love that moment? No, really. Love it. Loved writing it. Such a good moment.

I'm glad that you guys are liking this so far. Playing with Lexie has been fun, since we're just getting to know her. And of course, Alex and Izzie who I love. So yes, next chapter, visit with Derek's family, and more about his reaction

And. like I said, I changed my username so it's now the same as my livejournal and not one I made up when I was fourteen. Feel free to search me on Livejournal if you want.


	5. Be There

They were ushered inside and as Mrs. Shepherd took her coat, Meredith watched her, aware that she was definitely sizing the woman up. She was small, maybe an inch shorter than Meredith herself. Her shoulder-length black hair was curly like Derek's, but her eyes were a piercing black. She flitted around them for a second, putting up coats, but when she stood in front of them, clasped her hands in front of her chest and said, "Well," Meredith could suddenly see the strength in her that allowed her to raise five kids after her husband died. It scared Meredith. She wanted to cling to Derek, but he was still giving her odd looks when his mother was not looking, and Meredith was too focused on figuring out his mother to interpret Derek's looks.

"You must be Meredith," Derek's mother continued, Meredith wondered how she had managed to have thought so much in between that and the woman's first words. "I'm Ellen Shepherd."

Meredith shook her hand and smiled, knowing that that's what she should be doing. "Nice to meet you. Derek's said so much about you."

"Has he?" Ellen asked, eyeing her son.

"Only good things, Mom," Derek said jovially, leaning down to kiss his mother on the cheek.

"Well. Everyone is in the living-room," Mrs. Shepherd said, leading them through a doorway to the right. "We'll be eating soon." They entered a large welcoming room, with people perched, it seemed to Meredith, on every surface.

"Mother," Derek hissed. "You invited everyone?"

"Don't be silly, Derek. I couldn't expect Meg to come all the way up from Washington."

"How considerate of you," Derek muttered and Meredith snickered.

Mrs. Shepherd narrowed her eyes, but she still had a small smile on her face. "Go sit down.", she ordered, and then disappeared. Meredith felt herself release a breath, and followed Derek into the living room, only to come nearly face-to-face with Nancy, who did not look remotely pleased to see her.

She looked away from the woman, who was sitting on a sofa, her arm behind her head as she lazily glared at Meredith.

Derek wandered over to a chair, and Meredith looked around for another surface, but with the four women and their four husbands, there didn't seem to be any.

She looked at Derek, raising an eyebrow questioningly. He sat up straighter and indicated that it was okay, so she relaxed slightly and perched on his lap. She was surprised when his arms did not go around her, but she was distracted by one of Derek's sisters speaking.

"Well, Der, are you going to introduce us?"

"Yeah," Derek said, and Meredith slid over to his left leg so that he could lean around her and see. "Okay, well this is Meredith," he said, indicating her. "Mer, this is Kathleen and Jerry sitting on the fireplace, Erin and Lloyd on the sofa, Rachel, who seems to think she's superior to chairs, her husband Richard and you know Nancy. Where's Theo, Nancy?"

"Out back, watching the kids," Nancy said, her eyes focused on Meredith. "Amanda's old enough so that she really only needs one adult out there to corral the younger ones. We're making the men take turns."

"Chivalrous of you," Derek commented.

"So, Meredith. Derek says you're a second year resident at Seattle Grace?" Kathleen said, changing the subject.

Meredith turned to her, and forced a smile. The woman had her chestnut colored hair wound up in a tight bun, and she looked poised even sitting on a fireplace in jeans.

"Third year, actually," she corrected.

"Right, right," Kathleen said, dismissively. "So you must be young."

"Kathleen—" Meredith hesitantly put her hand on Derek's knee and squeezed to make him shut up.

"I took a few years off before I started med school," she explained. "I'm almost thirty-one."

Kathleen's perfectly arched eyebrows raised, and Nancy leaned forward to cut in. "What did you do during your years off."

"Traveled," Meredith said quickly. "I spent a couple of months in Europe, and I worked in Boston for a while."

"Oh! Where in Europe?" Rachel asked. She looked to be the youngest, and she seemed actually interested.

"Um… Italy for a while. I spent some time in Amsterdam," Eyebrows raised, "I was going to Paris but I had to come home suddenly."

"Italy's gorgeous. Did you see--."

"Dinner's ready!" Mrs. Shepherd appeared in the doorway,

Everyone stood and Meredith was relieved that she did not have to answer the question. She had not seen much of anything famous when she was in Europe. More like famous bars and beds in hostels.

They sat down around an ornate dining room table, and Meredith looked up, surprised that there was not a chandelier on the ceiling.

"Wine, Meredith?" Mrs. Shepherd asked, as she came around the table with a bottle.

"Oh, no, thanks. Water's fine for me," Meredith replied. She could feel Derek staring at her from his seat to her left, and she turned to face the front of her. Nancy was directly across the table, next to her husband who had reappeared. Fun.

To Meredith's relief, the conversation began to switch to things that were not Meredith. She focused on the roast on her plate, avoiding the garlicky roast potatoes after the first bite of them made her stomach turn. That was a shame, really; she usually loved roast potatoes.

"So, Derek," Nancy's husband said, and Meredith's attention perked up, she was somehow aware that this was going to involve her. "Nancy says you're here for a medical conference."

Derek nodded, wiping his mouth with a napkin and replacing it on his lap. "Meredith and I were presenting on a recent breakthrough we made in tumor treatment. We—"

"Oh, Meredith. It must have been great to assist Derek on that as a second year," Nancy broke in with a smile that looked less real than the painted-on smile of a Barbie.

"Actually, Nan," Derek broke in, "It was Meredith's idea. She discovered the idea, I just helped her tweak it."

"Hmm." Nancy replied, clearly uninterested in anything that painted Meredith in a good light.

"That's really great," Rachel cut in. "You must have talent, Meredith."

"She does," Derek answered, smiling.

"We're a good team," Meredith spoke up. "He changed the virus and I inflated his ego to keep him going."

The others laughed and Rachel added, "That may be the last thing Derek needs."

The meal seemed to go more smoothly after that, until they were scraping the last bites of pie off their dessert plates, or in Meredith's case, picking at crust. "Want my pie?" she leaned over to murmur in Derek's ear.

He nodded and pulled her plate over.

"So Meredith," Mrs. Shepherd said, sitting back in her chair at the head of the table. "I don't want to call you out, but a mother can tell these things. How far along are you?"

Meredith's jaw dropped. Maybe she was just used to unobservant mothers, but she had no idea how she had managed to figure it out. She was amazingly grateful that she had blurted it out earlier and not have had to either lie now and tell him the truth later, or worse having to find out at the same time as his mother, _from _his mother.

"Um… seven weeks," she admitted. "But I've only known for three."

Derek's sisters began to exclaim over her, much more willing to accept her now. She answered their questions, trying to avoid Derek's lingering looks as he quietly ate the pie.

/ / / / /

Cristina scowled at the glass in between herself and the OR. She should be down there instead of Number Two. He had been one of her interns for Pete's sake and now he was in the OR with Hahn. Even though it was obvious that all he wanted to do in the world was lick Shepherd's boots. Hahn had not let her scrub in, even though she heeded all hands on deck, because up until then she had scrubbed in on nearly all of Hahn's surgeries. The woman had the nerve to tell Cristina that since she had had flown solo enough lately that she did not need this surgery. Cristina was pretty firm in her belief that she deserved every surgery.

"It's not fair," a voice said from behind her. She glanced over her shoulder to confirm that it was Four—Grey. "Steve has no interest in Cardio whatsoever. I've got the sparkle pager!"

"So why didn't you sparkle him out of it?" Cristina snapped, remembering her few days with the thing.

"Because," Lexie sighed. "I was on a trauma that I thought was going to amount to something. It's my own fault. Still not fair though."

Cristina shrugged, already tired of the conversation. She wished that she had never realized that Grey actually was a good surgeon, and had kept hating her. The girl was not nearly as perky around her then.

"Hey…um, you haven't heard from Meredith, have you?"

Cristina turned all the way around. "No? Should I have? She and Shepherd are off in a hotel room somewhere doing it like rabbits I'm sure. And why are you asking anyway?"

Lexie immediately shrugged and looked sheepish, Cristina was suspicious. "I don't know… I was just wondering. I mean I _am_ her sister."

Cristina just grunted. Still, there was only one reason that she could think of that Lexie would be asking about Meredith, obviously she knew Meredith's situation. So, apparently, Meredith was confiding in her now. Well, that was fine by Cristina, if Meredith wanted to tell the bouncy little puppy things. Who was Cristina to complain?

She turned back to the OR just to see a spurt of blood hit Two right in the face. She smirked with satisfaction, but the feeling did not last very long.

She did not stay in the gallery much longer, she had her own patients to check on after all. As she stepped out onto the surgical floor, she heard someone snicker. She turned to see Bailey standing just behind her in the doorway.

"Bothers you, doesn't it?" she asked, her arms crossed over her chest in the infuriating way she had.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Dr. Bailey," Cristina said, continuing down the hall. To her annoyance, Bailey followed her.

"Bothers you that Grey's actually talking to her sister. You don't like Lexie. Oh you may see her potential, but you don't like her. So you don't think Meredith should like her either. It bothers you that Grey's outlook on things has changed quite a bit from the cynical woman she was before she and Shepherd decided to get their acts together." Bailey continued. Cristina wanted to leave her there talking, but she wasn't just Bailey the chief resident any more. She was a fellow, very close to being an attending and Cristina knew what that meant. It meant Cristina could not risk walking away.

"One would think," Bailey continued, not looking at her but grabbing several charts from the cart by the nurses' station. "That as Grey's best friend you would be happy for her. She's happy; she's not drowning herself anymore. But you're having trouble relating to her now, am I right? You don't have to save her from Shepherd any more."

Cristina did not want to answer, but Bailey's eyes met hers, and she knew that her answer was in them.

Bailey stared at her for a minute and then shook her head. "Hang in there, Yang. She's not going any where."

When Bailey was gone, Cristina found her own charts, and held them to her chest.

_It's nothing_, she told herself firmly. _Nothing's different. Bailey's just trying to get to you_. She looked down at the charts, shook her head slightly and headed off to get to work. Soon she had put the conversation out of her mind, though not forgotten it.

/ / / / /

In the cab on the way back to the hotel, Derek was silent. He stared out the window, broodingly, and Meredith kept glancing at him, but he never turned her way. Eventually, she stared out the opposite window, watching the rain that had started just before they left cascade down the window. She followed single drops with her eyes, watching them merge into others and clear a path for their descendants to follow.

The silence began to feel overbearing after a while, and Meredith wanted to say something to break it. They talked now. That was what made their relationship work now, was the talking. Except… she hadn't; she hadn't talked, hadn't told him and now she could not figure out how to start talking again. There was nothing for her to say.

They pulled up to the hotel, and the bellman opened the door for Meredith. She stepped out, and was so lost in thought that she nearly slipped on slippery ground and the uniform-clad man grabbed her arm. "Thank you," she murmured. He nodded, putting a hand to his hat, and she walked around the side of the car to follow Derek in through the revolving doors of the hotel. Her heart sank when he did not pause and stretch out a hand for her.

They emerged into the yellow-lit lobby, and Meredith headed for the elevator. Derek held back. She turned to him, questioningly.

"Go on up," he murmured. "I'll be up soon."

"Derek…" Meredith said, meekly, "We need to talk." She reached out a hand to put it on the cuff of his jacket.

"I know," he acknowledged, pulling his hand away. "I'll be up soon. I just need… to think."

She nodded. "Okay." She watched him head towards a chair on the other side of the lobby and then turned to make her own way upstairs. At the front of the elevator bank she passed a gathering of surgeons, one of whom she had spoken to at length after a session that day.

"Dr. Grey!" the man called. "Come join us for a night on the town!"

Meredith thrust a smile onto her lips, almost painfully. "Not tonight. Thank you, though."

She stepped onto the elevator before he could respond and jabbed the button for the fourth floor repeatedly until the doors closed. Then she sank back against the wall of the elevator.

Upstairs she put on her pajamas and fell back on the bed. She was exhausted, yet she did not want to fall asleep before Derek reappeared. On a whim, she pulled out her cell phone and started scrolling through her phone numbers. Normally, she would call Cristina, but she could still hear the words: "I am going to let you figure this out for yourself, so that you will stop whining. Okay?" echoing in her head, and decided that she did not really want to bother Cristina with the baby-details.

So she called the only other person who knew. Lexie.

"Meredith? What's up?"

Meredith rolled to the side, the phone held between her pillow and ear, staring at the numbers on the digital clock next to the bed. "So, I told him."

"You…um… don't sound enthusiastic," Lexie offered.

"Yeah. I kind of blurted it out in front of his mother's house."

"Ouch. Not exactly tactful, Mer. I'm just saying."

"No, I know," sighed Meredith. "But it's a good thing I did, because otherwise he would have found out from his freaking omniscient mother when she brought it up at dinner."

"Oh my God. Yeah that would have been bad. Where's Derek now?"

Meredith rolled over again, grimacing as an unwelcome wave of nausea washed over her. "Downstairs, brooding or something. Probably trying to come up with some all-explaining reason for why I did not tell him other than it just wasn't the right time…. Well that among other things. Did you ever talk to George? Your text message just said 'George ack' and that's not descriptive." she added, wanting to change the subject.

"Um yeah I got called into surgery before I could finish it…. I told him. And I've stepped back, like you said. I'm letting him figure things out, you know? Like letting him heal or whatever. And he told me not to wait for him, but I mean, duh of course I will. I'm not interested in any male nurses after all—oh that was horrible; I'm sorry—anyway, of course I'll wait, he's George. I may just go crazy because I want to be his now, you know?"

"I know," Meredith said, pulling a pillow over her eyes and gritting her teeth to no avail. "Shit, Lex, I gotta go. I'll call you back, okay? Don't worry about, George. He'll come around and when he does you'll be there." Every word was costing her, but she did not want Lexie to think she hadn't been listening.

"Oh. Okay. I should go too. Let me know how things go with Derek."

"Mmm," Meredith said, and then she lost the battle with her nausea and threw the phone down to lung for the bathroom.

She lost every bit of the dinner she had eaten, and was miserably leaning back against the shower door with her forehead against the palm of her hand miserably when she heard Derek's key in the lock.

She wanted to get up and meet him when he came in, to be ready to talk if her was, but trying to stand up made her feel nauseous again, so she slid back down.

"Meredith?"

"In here," she called weakly.

"You okay?" Derek asked, appearing in the doorway.

Meredith hesitantly turned her head to look up at him. "No. But I guess I will be in seven months."

Derek shifted uneasily.

"We need to talk," she murmured. Derek shrugged, sliding down the doorway and scooting over next to her. "We do," she insisted.

"I know," he agreed.

"I'll be okay in a minute."

"I'm not going anywhere," he assured her, reaching out to rub small circles on her back. She leaned against him, then laid her head in his lap. He ran a hand along her forehead and she relaxed. After a few minutes, she felt that she could maybe get up. She sat up hesitantly, Derek's hand against her back again. Slowly she stood, and when the nausea didn't come back, she nodded.

"Okay."

They went into the bedroom, and Meredith perched on the bed, wrapping her arms around a pillow. Derek lay on his side, one arm propping up his head.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" he asked bluntly.

Meredith took a deep breath. She had known that this would be his first question, but it did not make it any easier. "I… I've tried to figure that out myself. For days I wondered what my problem was. We were—we are happy. We've talked about kids. But we always talked about kids in the far-off future. That's not as scary. So I guess that was part of it. And I guess… there was still the thought that I might become my mother. Even after the therapy, and the knowing how different my life has been… I just got scared." She ducked her head and quietly addressed the pillow more than Derek. She heard him shifting closer to hear him.

"I think part of it may have been that I knew that you would be excited. We'd have to do all these things for the baby that I would know nothing about, and I would disappoint you because all the childhood stuff is so foreign to me. I like kids, but I don't know how to raise one." She looked up, faced the headboard this time, "And I have wanted to tell you, for a while now. The time was just never right. Not that I ever really got that part."

Derek chuckled softly at this, and that gave Meredith the courage to look up at him. He looked serious, but his eyes were smiling.

"Meredith…" he said. "Oh Meredith. I've never raised a kid. I don't know what you thought, but I'm probably just as clueless. I had a fairly normal childhood, but it was a long time ago. We'll figure it out together, and we'll make a point to learn from your mother's mistakes rather than repeat them. And I promise, I'll never expect too much of you when it comes to this. I'll follow your lead."

Meredith nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry."

Derek reached out and motioned for her to lie next to him. She did, and he pushed her bangs away from her face, framing her cheek with a finger. "Meredith, you can tell me anything, okay? And from now on, when you're scared or unsure about anything, just tell me. Blurt it out. Although maybe perhaps not like tonight."

Meredith giggled. "Okay."

Derek smiled. "That's my girl." His smiled faltered for just a second. "Meredith, can you answer one question for me?"

She bit her lip and nodded.

"Did you think… did you think about getting rid of it?"

Meredith expected the question, but it still burned her chest a little to hear it. "No." she answered instantly. "Really, I don't know why. I mean, doesn't everybody when they're residents and scared and pregnant?... But no because I want your baby Derek, and if this is when it happens, then that's how it goes. Maybe… maybe that's what made me the most scared."

Derek smiled. "You are something else, you know that right?"

Meredith shrugged, and Derek leaned in and kissed her. Then he reached one hand down and put it on her still-flat stomach. It felt warm, and protective, and she grinned.

"Can you believe it, Der?" she asked, pressing her cheek to his. "We're having a baby. Isn't it one of the craziest things you have ever heard?"

He shook his head. "No, Meredith. I think it's one of the most perfect things I have ever heard."

When she fell asleep that night, his arms, normally holding her around the chest, rested gently and protectively on her belly. Meredith snuggled into him, feeling safer than she had in a while.

/ / / / /

Lying awake, Derek could faintly hear Meredith's snores through the earplugs, though not loudly enough to keep him awake. What was keeping him awake was a speeding train of thought that made his stomach clench. All of the things Meredith had told him, all of the reasons she had been unsure about telling him about the baby, they were all perfectly valid. But there was something else gnawing at him.

In his mind, he could see her in the field where their house now stood, candles lighting her from below as she admitted that she did not yet trust him, but she wanted to. She loved him, but she did not trust him.

He knew that they had come a long, long way since that night. But he also knew that there had been a long, long time in which his behavior towards her was anything but trustworthy. He had left her so many times it made him want to hit himself with something very hard and heavy. No matter what she said, he knew that she remembered those times, and remembered her father who left and never came back and her mother who was always leaving.

No matter how many arguments they had had over stupid things over the past few months after which he had appeared just where he was supposed to be the next time he saw her, no matter how much they talked about it, he knew that somewhere there was a lingering thread of "Derek chose Addison (or Rose) and not me" in the back of her brain. And the pregnancy was a big step. It was the bigger step than the ring she wore around her neck, which was a promise for some day. It was bigger than the house. It was someone else to be influenced by their behavior.

He knew that she had not planned on leaving him with the baby, or even consciously thought that he might leave her or it would have come out that night. Many talks with Dr. Wyatt had convinced her that it was okay to tell him things. But he knew it was there somewhere. He sighed, rubbing his hands gently over her stomach. He wished there was some way for him to take back all of his stupid mistakes.

"I love you, Meredith," he whispered into the dark. "I'll never leave you again." Although she was soundly asleep, she shifted a bit, to lean more heavily against him. He hoped that somehow, through the mysteriousness of the brain, the words had implanted themselves with in her. That they would take root and eventually, finally convince her of their truth. In the mean while, he would have to convince her with his actions. He gently kissed her head and then closed his eyes, willing sleep, so that he could dream of his Meredith and his baby.

**A/N:** In my original idea for this, Derek _did_ find out when his mom asked at dinner. But then I decided that that was too dramatic. Him knowing already adds an extra layer, in my opinion.

Review please!


	6. Little Secret

Lexie was avoiding Meredith. It was sort of funny, if she thought about it, because a year ago Meredith had been spending much of her time avoiding Lexie and Lexie had been pursuing her. This time, though, it was definitely Lexie doing the avoiding. Meredith and Derek had been home for a week and thus far Lexie had managed to only have quick "hi, how was the trip, how'd Derek take it" conversations with her sister in the scrub room. She was getting to the point where she was faking pages if Meredith sat down at lunch with her, just so she did not blurt it out.

Because she had something to tell her, and she really, really did not want to do it. She wanted to let Meredith be happy and stress free since she had finally told her… whatever Derek was… about the baby. She was smiling again, and kissing Shepherd on the cheek when she thought no one was looking, and looking all dreamy-eyed at patients' babies. So Lexie did not want to ruin that. Meredith was starting to catch on though, to the avoiding thing, and Lexie wanted even less to have to deal with losing Meredith when she had just gotten her as a friend and as…well… a sister.

This was why a week and a half after her sister returned to the hospital, she went in search of her as soon as she had a few minutes free.

"Have you seen my sister?" she asked Dr. Yang, who was standing at the nurses' station looking over a chart. As soon as the woman looked up at her, Lexie decided that that had been a bad idea.

"No, I haven't seen Meredith," Cristina said, putting an emphasis on the name. "Maybe she's doing surgery or something. Like a surgeon should be doing."

Lexie opened her mouth to respond, but Dr. Yang stalked off.

"I saw her in the tunnels a few minutes ago," a voice said from behind her. Lexie turned around to smile at Alex in thanks, and then rushed off towards the elevator.

When she got to the basement, she moved cautiously, towards the gurneys where Meredith and her friends went when they needed a break. Meredith had brought her down here a few months before, and Lexie had never felt more like a tag-a-long little sister.

The others kept giving her looks, until Meredith finally noticed. "Look," she had said, glaring at each of them in turn, "Lexie's my sister. Leave her alone. I need to brief her on this case, and you guys need to leave her alone. She's not going to bring the rest of the suck-ups down here." She glared at Lexie when she said that, but all that Lexie could do was smile. She had a big sister that would stick up for her, and one who was listened to by her peers.

When she turned the corner in the tunnels just before she got to the spot that they referred to as "the clubhouse", she saw that Meredith was the only one there and started to walk faster just as Meredith saw her and smiled.

"You don't have to sneak around, Lex," she said, moving charts so that Lexie had a spot on the gurney next to her. "The others know better than to give them a hard time."

Lexie shrugged. "It's impressive you know, they listen to you, even though probably even George could beat you up if he tried."

Meredith laughed. "You should ask Alex about that some time. Besides, if anything they'd protect me. Izzie's kept me from getting my ass kicked before."

Lexie laughed, wondering why that was necessary, but she did not ask. She wanted to get this over with. "Listen… Mer…. I have to tell you something," she said, hesitantly.

Meredith looked up from the chart she was writing on and raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yeah. Please remember I'm only the messenger and have no part in this whatsoever, but-"

"Lexie. Take a breath and spit it out."

Lexie obeyed. "Right, well, okay, here's the thing. When you called last week I wasn't exactly here. Or at the apartment. I was at Molly's… and Dad's there. And I went outside to talk to you, but they wanted to know whom it was, and I'm stupid, really stupid, but I told them.

"They had not really figured out that you and I are close, or whatever, because I don't really talk to them. I don't fit with them any more but… but anyway Molly wanted to invite you to dinner one day, and I said that you were really busy, like busier than me busy, but she was like 'she's got to have a day off some time', and I said 'well yeah, but she has other things to do' and then Dad was like 'Is she still with the same man? I liked him', so I said yes, and Dad just kept going on about you and Derek and that he wanted to see you and apologize, and it's all really weird because he never admits to stuff, he's an avoider but this time he did and… and yeah. I didn't tell them you were pregnant or anything but… yeah. That's my message."

Meredith was staring at her wide-eyed, and Lexie wondered if she had talked too fast. She did that some times.

After a few moments, though, she knew that Meredith had followed her because she nodded and looked back at her chart. "Okay," she said, with a small sigh. "I'll think about it. Talk to Derek."

Lexie stared at her. "You sure? I mean, you're not freaking out? Because if it were me; I mean, Dad was awful to you."

Meredith shrugged. "Yeah. But he was going through a bad patch. I've been there. Is he--?"

"He's sober. Working on it."

"That's good," Meredith said, nodding slowly. Lexie murmured agreement and then started to slide off of the gurney. "Hey, Lexie? Are you busy?"

Lexie shrugged and turned. "Not really, why?"

"I was just wondering… what do you mean that you don't fit in with them any more?" Meredith had put down the chart and was sitting cross-legged on the gurney, watching Lexie steadily.

Lexie hoisted herself back up and faced her sister, biting her lip nervously before she spoke. "I… I'm not sure I ever have," she admitted. "Molly and I were always so different. I got the good grades, but I was the one who went out during high school and partied. I had fun. Molly was always so serious, falling seriously in love just out of high school. She came out of the womb more mature than me, I think. In our baby pictures I'm always dancing around in Mr. Potatohead glasses or something, and she's sitting in her walker just staring at the camera.

"And when we were younger, I was always closer to Dad. I think… I think in a way he gave me… well what he wanted to give you. Because some times I felt like he loved me, but it wasn't me… I don't know. I mean, I'm grateful," she added hurriedly, "That he loved me. But… and then I told him I wanted to be a doctor and it stopped. Molly never saw that, she still resented me for being Daddy's favorite, but he never spoke to me the same way, especially after I decided on surgery."

"Because of my mother," Meredith whispered. "Lexie, I'm sorry."

Lexie shrugged. "There was nothing you could have done about it. But yeah. I think because of her. And when Mom was around, she kept the peace. She could even make Molly and I get along."

Meredith nodded, and Lexie was surprised to see that she was misty-eyed. "Yeah. She was good at that."

"Does it make you feel better?" Lexie blurted. "To know that my life wasn't perfect?"

Meredith stared at her, and then burst out laughing. "A little," she admitted. Lexie smiled. Meredith stopped laughing and looked at her for a second, her eyes meeting Lexie's and holding them. Then she reached out a hand and took Lexie's in it, squeezing gently. It was only for a moment, but Lexie appreciated it.

"Come on, Lex," Meredith said, grabbing the chart and sliding down off the gurney. "Let me buy you a coffee to make up for being the reason our father never saw you."

Lexie laughed. "Caffeine, the answer to twenty-six years of confusion."

Meredith nodded. "It's what I'm saying. You know what?"

"Hmm?"

"I love being a doctor."

"Why?" Lexie asked, as they got to the elevator.

"Because I appreciate that 300 milligrams of caffeine the research says is considered moderation far more than anyone else."

"I would imagine that there would be a slew of pregnant women who would disagree with you," Lexie pointed out.

"Let them try," Meredith said, and her tone seemed to be only half-joking. "Let them try."

/ / / / /

Meredith hesitated outside the office door, her hand hovering above the doorknob. It was not like this would be her first time barging into Dr. Wyatt's office to talk 'professionally' after her insurance had run out, but it had been a couple of months. She also had not come during the, arguably, more difficult stuff like not telling Derek that she was pregnant for weeks. But she needed an unbiased opinion for this.

So she knocked before entering.

"Come in!"

Meredith did, closing the door behind her and leaning against it as it closed.

"Meredith, what a surprise. Is everything all right?"

"Um… yes. For the most part," Meredith said, stepping forward. She perched on the couch, glancing at the fish tank and smiling when she saw her favorite bright yellow fish swim by. "I'm… I'm pregnant."

The doctor smiled. "Congratulations! Derek must be excited."

"He is," Meredith said, smiling. "We both are." She tugged at the edge of her lip with her teeth, and her hand spun her watch around her wrist.

"But that's not why you're here?" Meredith noted the surprise in the therapist's voice.

"No. It's not. Um… Lexie and I were talking… and she said that her sister…my other sister and Thatcher…they want me and Derek to come do dinner with them."

Dr. Wyatt nodded. "You want to know if I think that that's a good idea?"

"Yeah, that'd be good," Meredith said.

Dr. Wyatt pursed her lips and leaned forward. "What do you think about it, Meredith?"

"I'm scared," Meredith admitted. "I mean, last time we had dinner it was…okay. And then Susan died. When I tried to let them in…My fake mommy died and my father hates me."

"You let Lexie in, and no one's died," Dr. Wyatt pointed out.

Meredith smiled. "Lexie's different. She's…determined. She didn't leave me."

"In other words, you don't associate Lexie with your father, and you're afraid to."

"What? I didn't say—maybe so. I mean, I've always known we had him in common but--."

"But to think about it brings out the jealousy, that she got the childhood with him. You're going to have to face it eventually, Meredith. Lexie is your sister, because you have the same father. And you should face your father too. After all," she nodded towards Meredith's stomach, "Your baby may well wonder why it has an Aunt Lexie who, one day, has children who have Grandpa Thatcher but it doesn't."

"Oh," Meredith breathed softly. "Oh. I didn't even think…"she sighed. "This parenting thing is going to involve me facing more issues than just the mommy ones, isn't it?"

"I imagine so. Feel free to come see me whenever you need to."

"Yeah. Yeah I'll probably do that. Thank you, Dr. Wyatt." Meredith stood, and went to the door. She paused over the handle and turned. "Oh… and if you're wondering, I did freak out over the baby thing. I definitely freaked out. But I'm okay now."

"I'm glad," Dr. Wyatt said. "You've come quite a ways, Meredith."

Meredith smiled and slipped out the door.

/ / / /

Izzie put her purse around the back of the chair and looked around to see who was at Joe's. She knew that the pit was busy, so a lot of the doctors on-call would not be playing darts and looking morosely at cups of water as they did often. Instead it was fairly quiet, with a group of off-duty interns clustered around the bar. Izzie noticed a couple of her own interns from this years group over there and she smiled at them. She had lucked out and actually got several interns who were worth something this time.

She walked over to the bar and ordered a beer from Joe, and took it to her table, staring at the empty seat across from her so intently that she almost did not notice it when George sat down in it.

"Hey," she said smiling at him.

"Hey," he murmured. "How are you?"

"I'm great," she said, grinning and sipping from her beer as she felt her cheeks go red. George's eyebrows went up. It happened that this was their first Joe's date since she had gotten back from the wedding with Alex. Things at the house, were interesting. Alex had practically moved into her already overly crowded room, leaving the rest off the house oddly quiet and empty.

"That's good. What's going on?" George asked. Izzie felt as if he were not really interested, but maybe she was imaging things. They had been getting back to George and Izzie, so she did not want to push the matter.

"Oh… well… you know the wedding that Alex and I went to?"

"Yeah. How'd that go? I mean, it was the first wedding since… since Denny," George finished. His eyes were sympathetic, and Izzie felt heat behind her own eyes.

"It was…okay. I just kept forcing the image of myself walking down the aisle out of my head until the bride came, and then her dress was hideous, so I didn't want to be here anyway. "

George choked on a gulp of beer as he laughed, and Izzie smiled.

"But anyway, yeah, the wedding. Alex and I kind of left the reception early, and we… went back to the hotel and um…"

George had put his beer down and he was looking at her, his eyes wide and serious. "Would you mind not finishing that sentence?" he asked cautiously. "I can figure it out."

Izzie let out the breath she had been holding. "Um yeah. That'd be… yeah. So anyway, we're together-together now. For real this time. I think. I'm pretty sure." She trailed off and smiled.

George smiled too, and the tension broke a little.

"So, how was your day?" she asked him, trying to lighten the heavy air that had surrounded them. "Any good cases?"

"One. I fixed a tear in a guy's heart, solo. It was great. I mean, these are the things we watched residents and attendings do when we were interns… interns who almost killed appendectomy patients and now we're…doing it."

"And interns who opened chests in elevators," she reminded him. He shrugged, but the reminder made him smile. She remembered that moment of glory, how happy he had been. It suddenly felt like a very long time ago.

"How about you?"

"Huh?"

"You. Any good cases?"

"Oh. Not really. We had a kid come into the clinic with chorea. Poor kid, he was only three and he wanted to know why he 'couldn't stop jiggling' but his strep test came up positive, so we're treating him and he should be fine tomorrow."

"That's good," George said, but Izzie could definitely tell this time that he was not really listening to her.

"All right," she said. "What is it?"

"What's what?" George said, but he shifted guiltily.

"What's got you acting so strange?"

"I'm not!" he protested, but Izzie eyed him steadily, and he deflated a little, relenting. "All right. I'll tell you. Just be warned, I didn't want to."

"Okay," Izzie said, suddenly wondering if she really wanted to hear this.

"It's Lexie," George said, staring at his beer.

"Lexie, Meredith's sister, Lexie?"

"What other Lexie do we know, Izzie?" George said.

"I'm just trying to keep things straight." Really, she had been hoping it was a nurse or something. Because if it were Lexie Grey she was pretty sure that she knew where this was going and she was not going to like it.

"Yes, Lexie Grey. The one that I live with. You remember the day that I found out I could take my intern exams again?" Izzie nodded. "Well, that was mostly because of her. She gave me the…idea to ask the chief. So when I got home that night, I was all excited and I kissed her. It wasn't anything just… just a friends thing. But it wasn't that for her. That's why she's been all weird around me for a while. And we talked about it right after it happened, decided we were just friends but… but she's still not over it."

Izzie opened her mouth, preparing to give George a speech about not leading the girl on, but George continued before she could voice her opinion.

"And the thing is, I'm not sure I am either. I mean, I thought we were just friends, roommates, or whatever… but there's something about the way she smiles. And the way she's always dropping things and gives you those puppy dog eyes if she thinks you might get mad. Like I could really get mad at her," he smiled. Izzie was not sure what it was about that smile that made her scowl, but it definitely did.

"So I don't know what to do. I mean I like her. I think I might even… like her like her. But I don't know." He looked at Izzie appealingly, and Izzie knew that this was the time to give the best friend advice. But that was difficult to do when her hand was grasped so tightly around her tankard that she thought the glass might shatter.

"Huh," she said after a moment. "Well, that's interesting."

"What is?" George asked cautiously.

"That you cannot live with a woman without wanting to sleep with her. First me, then Meredith and now mini-Meredith."

"Lexie's not mini-Meredith! And I didn't say that I wanted to sleep with her. I said that I… that I might be in love with her."

"Oh. So you weren't in love with me? Or is it just Grey girls?"

"Izzie, don't."

"Izzie don't what, George? Izzie don't point out the obvious? Izzie don't wonder if you were just part of a trend? You live with a woman, George, you get comfortable with her enough to convince the both of you that it could be love. But it's not. It's a lie, George." Izzie stood up and pulled her purse off of the chair.

As she stormed out of the bar, she nearly ran into Alex who was coming in. "Hey," he said, leaning into kiss her cheek. "You told me to meet you after my shift."

"Yeah I did. Let's get out of here." Izzie said, walking past him and into the parking lot where her car, which they had driven to work in that morning, was waiting.

Alex followed, getting into the driver's seat. He didn't say anything until they were nearly home. "What's eating you?" he finally asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

"George. He thinks he's in love with Lexie Grey," she said, waiting for Alex to laugh at the absurdity of it. Instead he shrugged.

"Good for him. Grey's a good girl."

"Alex, don't be stupid. He's not in love with her. He just does this, thinks he's in love with the women he lives with or something."

"I guess they'll figure that out if it doesn't work."

"He shouldn't even try!" Izzie burst out. "They'll just both get hurt."

"Yeah, but Iz, what if you're wrong. Anyway, why do you care so much?"

"I'm not wrong. And I don't care 'so much' George is my friend, that's all."

They pulled into the driveway, and Alex turned to look at her. "Is that all?"

"Of course!"

"Really? Listen to yourself, Izzie. If you were just friends, would you be so wrapped up in this?" Izzie opened her mouth to reply but then closed it. "Think about it. Meanwhile, I'm going out."

Izzie mutely got out of the car. After going up the stairs she lingered on the porch watching him drive off. She did not even care that it was her car. She cared more that night when she was lying in bed and she heard him slam the door to his room shut. Staring up at her ceiling, she felt tears come into her eyes and she had no idea what to do or even how she felt.

/ / / /

Meredith leaned against her locker, pressing a hand to her stomach. "Come on," she murmured. "I have work to do." She swallowed, waited, and then smiled. The morning sickness was getting more manageable at least. She hadn't told the others yet. She and Derek had agreed to wait until her twelve-week mark, so that she was safer. Thus, her lethargy and nausea were causing her to spend a lot of time avoiding anyone who was not Lexie or Cristina. Since Cristina seemed to be avoiding her, and Lexie had been as well until she finally got up the nerve to give Meredith the dinner invitation, Meredith had spent a lot of time on her own in the past few weeks.

Now she had to get to the floor. Mark had requested her. She had gotten to know him better since she and Derek had moved in together, and she was glad for the opportunity to work with him, even if plastics wasn't the most interesting service to her.

She found him standing in front of the OR board staring at the entry for the surgery that she had been assigned to him for. It was a lengthy procedure on a burn victim who he had been treating for several months, and she was looking forward to it.

She had almost reached him, when a sudden dizziness over came her and she pitched forward. She cried out, and Mark turned around quickly, grabbing her before she fell.

"Whoa there, Grey. I didn't know you'd be so excited to see me," Mark said, smirking.

"Funny," Meredith said dryly. He knew exactly what was going on, since he was the first person Derek had called when they returned from New York, but he had also been sworn to secrecy.

"Are you sure you're okay to scrub in?"

"Of course I am," Meredith snapped. "I'm a resident, aren't I?"

"Okay, okay. Geez, those hormones are no joke."

"Shut up."

"If I were a mean person, I would be banning you from surgery right about now," Mark pointed out.

Meredith eyed him. "Is there some hot new resident transferred in from Mercy West or something? Do you just not want me in on this surgery?"

Mark sighed. "No. No new resident."

"But you don't want me on the surgery? Fine I'll go find Dr. Bailey and scrub in on the intestinal reconstruction she offered me," Meredith said angrily. She turned on her heel, but Mark grabbed her arm.

"Meredith stop. It's not that I don't want you on the surgery. The thing is, I'm expecting a phone call."

"A phone call? Meredith said in indignation. "That's what nurses are for!"

"I know. But I don't want anyone to know about this. You and Derek are the only ones I trust, and I don't want him to know either."

"I tell Derek everything," Meredith replied quickly.

"Is that why he did not know you were… until you were seven weeks?"

"That's none of your—"

"Meredith please, as one member of the dirty mistresses club to another. Do this for me, please? I'll let you in on my two next big surgeries."

Meredith stared at him for a minute. He finally looked so desperate that she grabbed his phone from his hands. "Fine. But if it's a booty call from Addison I'm telling her that you're screwing a nurse on the OR table at the moment and you'll have to get back to her."

"That's my favorite dirty mistress," Mark said. "And it's not Addison. You can scrub in after the call comes in. You'll know what it is."

Meredith just turned and made her way to the gallery. She sat in the back and watched bitterly as the surgery that she should have been in on started. _The damn phone better ring,_ she thought, staring at its empty screen.

She'd begun to give up when it vibrated in her hand and she cried out, causing the interns in the gallery to stare at her.

"Mark Sloan's phone," she said, trying to sound professional.

"Ah, yes. This is Dr. Reginold Harrison from Doctors Without Boarders/Medicins sans frontiers. Would you please inform Dr. Sloan that we have accepted his proposal and look forward to hearing from him?"

Meredith's jaw dropped in shock. Somehow she managed to murmur assent to the man on the other end and terminate the call. Mark looked up at that moment and she met his eyes. They had a question in them, and she gave one curt nod. He motioned his head to tell her to come down. She almost did not, but she cold not resist the urge to scrub in.

As she stepped out of the gallery and walked towards the scrub room, though she paused and leaned her head against the wall. "I don't want to know this," she muttered. "I definitely _do not_ want to know this."

**A/N** Please review! I've written pretty far ahead on this one, and I'm excited about it. I'm glad you guys are liking it!


	7. Isn't Easy

"You are going to tell Derek, right? You're not just going to disappear as quickly as you appeared?" Meredith asked, in a whisper, as she confronted Mark in the hall after surgery.

Mark rolled his eyes at her. "I wasn't planning on it," he reassured her. "I was planning on coming over to your house tonight, placating him with alcohol and telling him."

"Yes to the dinner, no to the alcohol. You are going to tell him and deal with his reaction. Plus," Meredith added as an afterthought, "I think he's more likely to be violent if he has been drinking."

"Towards me? I'm not sure he needs that excuse."

Meredith sighed. "Why are you going? And don't say for the chicks. You will be in Africa, if you have sex with anyone over there I think I'd personally come over and knock some sense into you and I'm not even that close to you."

"Aw, Meredith, I thought we were best friends." Meredith stared at him. "Fine. Okay. I'm doing it because…because I need meaning in my life, okay?"

Meredith nodded. "Okay."

"That's it?" Mark asked, sounding surprised. "No lecture about how I have meaning in my life here?"

"Nope," Meredith said. "Not from me, at least. You might want to come up with your answers to that lecture though, before tonight."

Mark nodded and went off to check on a patient. Meredith headed to the pit to check on her interns. On her way there she ran into Derek.

"Hey," he said, smiling at her.

"Hey," she repeated, nervously pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "Um… Mark wants to come over for dinner tonight."

"Oh? Okay. Well I'll make chicken or something," Derek said, marking something off on a chart and flashing the smile again, normally her knees would go weak, but at the moment she was too preoccupied. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Who me? Oh. The baby. Yeah I'm fine. I was dizzy for a minute earlier, but I'm okay."

Derek's look turned to one of worry, and Meredith quickly wished that she had not said anything.

"I'm fine though. Just tired. It's okay, I'm off tonight. Obviously," she added. Derek nodded slowly. "We're going to—to Lexie's tomorrow night, don't forget," she reminded him. "You have to be there, to make sure I don't run away back to Boston or something"

"I wouldn't dare forget," he assured her. "I would not want to face your wrath if I did."

"Good," she said, finally smiling. "I have interns to check on. I'll see you at home."

In spite of everything, she never did get tired of saying "see you at home".

By the end of her shift, she wished that she ad Derek were getting off at the same time so that he could drive her home. Unfortunately, he had gotten off at five and she was still on-call until eight. That was the problem, she decided, when your husband was an attending.

She was just about to pull out of the parking lot when she saw Lexie running towards her car. Meredith rolled down the window.

"Hey Lex, what's up?"

"Um.. about dinner, tomorrow night," Lexie said hurriedly. "Molly wants to know if there is anything you can't eat. You know, because of the," she looked around, "baby thing."

"Oh," Meredith said. "That's nice of her. Um… there are some spices that bother me, but really there's no way to tell. That's not much help but… it's how it's going."

Lexie nodded. "Okay. I'll let her know."

"How are things with George?" Meredith asked. Lexie's face fell and she turned away slightly.

"I don't know. He hasn't really been talking to me."

"He'll come around," Meredith said sympathetically. "And if he doesn't… well… you'll get through it. It'll be hard. But one day, you will."

Lexie nodded, but Meredith did not really think that she believed her. In her shoes, Meredith would not have believed her either.

"I'd ask you over for dinner, but I think tonight is going to be a night where even I don't want to be at my house," Meredith said, hoping to take Lexie's mind off of George.

"What's going on?"

"Don't tell, but… Sloan's leaving. He's joining Doctors Without Boarders slash that French phrase I can't pronounce. Derek is not going to take it well."

Lexie's eyes widened. "Mer, if you need a place to stay tonight, call me," she said earnestly.

Meredith laughed. "Thanks. I'm supposed to not run any more, so I probably won't, but we'll see. I'm half wondering if I should let who ever is on call tonight know that we might have to bring Dr. Sloan in with Derek-induced injuries." She sighed. "Anyway, I have to go."

"Good luck."

"Thanks." With a wave, Meredith pulled out of the parking space and headed towards home.

She had barely stepped in the front door and put down her keys when Derek stormed into the foyer, with Mark close behind.

"You knew?" Derek demanded.

Meredith shot a look at Mark, "You told him?" she demanded. "You were supposed to wait until we ate!"

She then turned back to Derek. "Yes, I knew, because your dumbass friend made me answer his phone. No, I did not tell you, because it was his story to tell. So you're not allowed to give me the 'we tell each other things line' because it was his story. You two deal with this, I'm going to eat." And with that, she left them in the foyer staring at the closed door and she went to fix herself a bowl of cereal. The chicken was washed and in the pan, but it had been abandoned.

She took the bowl upstairs to the room that they had designated to be the nursery. The only furniture in it was an old rocking chair that had been in her attic in the townhouse. She sank down it and pushed her spoon around in her Cheerios, listening to the sounds of Mark and Derek's raised voices.

She caught phrases such as "head of plastics" "making a difference" and "we always said… you and Addie". Eventually she tuned them out.

She was going to have to tell the others about the baby soon. She was starting to show, although it was not noticeable in her scrubs. She thought it was too early, but she was skinny, after all, so she should probably show early. She thought about how, exactly to break the news as she tried to tune out the yelling downstairs, but thinking of normal things was difficult when she was still trying to listen out for the sound of breaking bones.

As she finished her cereal, she hard the volume of the voices begin to go down, and she wondered if the war was over, or if one of them had stormed out in anger. It would be inconvenient for her if that one were Derek, she mused.

Nervously, she began to make her way down the stairs. When she made it to the entrance of the living-room she almost laughed. Derek and Mark were sitting on opposite sides of the room; both with their arms crossed and both pouting like six-year-olds.

"Okay, really," she said, "I was not planning on dealing with toddlers for another two years, so if you two could act your ages that would be great."

The two just turned their stony gazes on her.

"All right, look. You can be mad at each other now, but in three months when Mark is in the wilds of Africa missing home and you're here dealing with six-months pregnant, hormonal me, Derek are you going to want to have to apologize over the phone before you have that manly-man conversation over the static-y phone-line? Because my guess is no. Seriously, you guys got through the _Addison_ thing together. I thought that that meant you could be adults about this."

There was silence for a minute, and then Mark looked at Derek. "She has a point, Shep."

Derek just grunted, and Meredith glared at him. "Derek Christopher Shepard. For Pete's sake. I've given you two second chances. You can at least accept the fact that Mark's going to make a difference in some lives for a few months and then he'll be back."

Derek looked between the two of them twice, and Meredith raised an eyebrow at him.

Finally he sighed. "Fine," he said. "Fine. I don't like it, but apparently I'm over ruled. Go get yourself killed in the Congo. See if I care."

"You're a true friend, Derek," Mark said. To Meredith's surprise, after a moment both men started laughing. Meredith stared at them and shook her head.

/ / / / /

Lexie was waiting for Meredith in the locker room so that they could leave together and go to her—their—father's house, when her phone rang. When she sees it is Molly she flipped it open "Hey, we haven't left yet."

"Good," Molly said, and Lexie was startled to hear that her voice was shaking. "Because I'm on my way up there."

"What?"

"Daddy was in a car accident."

Lexie's heart sank. She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and asked quietly, "Molly… he wasn't…was he?"

"No," her sister said, and Lexie could not help but be relieved, even though that should be the least of their worries. "The paramedics that called me said that he's stable, but unconscious and they were coming to Seattle Grace. I left Laura with a neighbor and I'm on my way… so I guess I'll see you guys there."

"Yeah," Lexie said, clicking the phone shut just as Meredith came through the door, smiling at her.

"Ready?" Meredith said. "Let's see if I can handle this, shall we?"

Lexie didn't answer, just motioned for Meredith to sit down by her. Meredith did, looking confused. "Change of plans," Lexie said. "Dad was… in an accident. He's on his way here in an ambulance. Molly said… said he was sober, and stable, but he's unconscious so…"

Meredith put a hand out and smiled weakly. "So I'll page Derek. We'll get the best medical team in Seattle on the case, and he'll be fine, okay? This is what we can do. We can fix it."

Lexie stared at her, and then nodded, sniffing and realizing that her eyes had filled with tears.

"We're doctors, Lex. We'll do all we can. Come on."

Lexie followed her sister out of the break room. They walked past Cristina who opened her mouth to speak to Meredith, but Meredith did not seem to even notice her, she was on the phone with Shepard.

"Yeah I know… yeah…okay. Yeah, love you too." She hung up and turned to Lexie. "He's meeting us in the ER. He's ordering scans already, so that they'll be ready as soon as they assess his other injuries."

Lexie nodded, mutely. When they got into the elevator she turned to Meredith. "Mer, why… why are you doing this? You don't have to. The ER can take care of him and I'll…let you know how he's doing or… or whatever."

"Don't be stupid," Meredith snapped at her, and Lexie suddenly realized that Meredith was actually genuinely upset about this. "He's my father too, and once, a long time ago, he was my dad."

Lexie nodded, and Meredith reached over and squeezed her arm sympathetically, just as the elevator doors opened. They rushed through the OR, to the small examining rooms just past the ambulance bay. Through the window of one of them, Lexie could see Molly standing to the side of a crowd of doctors. When she saw them approaching she rushed at them and threw her arms around Lexie. Lexie stood there, uncomfortably. Meredith hung back until Molly let Lexie go.

"Lexie, do you want to go in with me, or stay out here with Molly?" she asked quietly.

Molly turned around, apparently not having noticed Meredith before. "Oh! Dr. Grey—er—Meredith-- um…"

"It's okay, Molly," Meredith said, gently. "I'm going to go see what's going on, okay? Lex?"

Lexie looked between her sisters, and then followed Meredith into the exam room. Because she was already in street clothes, she hung back as Meredith called out instructions to the ER residents and interns who were crowding their father.

"What are his vitals? Any injuries that we can see? Dr. Shepard ordered a CT, is there any evidence of internal injury?"

Meredith evidently was able to listen to the replies given, but all Lexie could do was stare at her father's blank face on the bed. She did not know how to feel. She was incredibly worried, mostly. A part of her was wishing she were on-call so she could at least help. The other part felt curiously detached. She wondered how Meredith felt, and if she were more or less detached than her elder half-sister.

When Dr. Shepard arrived, their father was whisked away, leaving Meredith standing in the hall with Lexie and Molly.

"Okay. As far as we can tell, he has some internal bleeding around his spleen, so Dr. Bailey will be operating on that. It's not bad, but we're erring on the side of caution. The only other damage is from the possible head trauma. So he's being taken to surgery now where he'll be closely monitored. So all we have to do now is wait for him to get out, and then for the brain scans. If it shows swelling in the brain, what happens Lexie?"

Lexie did a double take, and then took a breath and began to recite, her mind still seeing the page of her med school textbook. "We'll monitor him. If it does not seem to improve quickly, we'll put in a drain and if that does not work, a craniotomy will be performed to relieve pressure." After the recitation, she felt oddly calm. She had a plan. They had a plan.

Meredith nodded. "Good." She turned to Molly. "So basically, now it's a waiting game."

Molly nodded. "Thank you," she said, and then turned to Lexie. "How can you be so calm about this? Reciting off medical treatments like it's a patient, and not… not Dad! You're cold, just like he said you would be."

Lexie opened her mouth to defend herself, but Meredith broke in. "Molly, I can guarantee you that Lexie doesn't feel that way. This is our way of coping. Of helping. It may seem different to you, but there it is. I'm going to go look at the scans with Dr. Shepherd. Lexie?"

"I'll stay here," Lexie murmured. Meredith nodded and disappeared.

Molly stared between the two of them, and then tears began to stream down her face. Lexie put her arms around her. "First Mom, now this," she sobbed.

"It's okay," Lexie murmured. "Dad'll be fine."

"They said that about Mom, too," Molly pointed out. Lexie did not have an answer for that; all she could do was hope that Molly never said that in front of Meredith.

/ / / /

A day and a half after the accident, Meredith sat in a chair across from her father's bed, filling out a chart. She and Lexie had begun, by unspoken agreement, to watch over him whenever they had a chance, since Molly had to be home with the baby. The chief resident and the chief were both turning the other cheek. Derek came by more than he would for any other patient who was stable; whose scans looked good, mostly to check on Meredith.

Meredith took a sip of her second decaf cup of coffee of the day and sighed. Lexie had scrubbed in to observe an appendectomy. Meredith admired her for not pointing out that had she not given the sparkle pager to George to hold until Thatcher woke up, she would have had her first solo appendectomy. Meredith also noted that she had not recounted George's reaction to the gift. That was probably not a good sign.

She was so lost in her thoughts, that she almost did not hear the noise from the bed. It was a low groan, and it caused her to jump out of her chair. She went over to the side of the bed and put her fingers gently on her father's wrist. His eyelids were flickering.

"Thatcher, can you hear me?" she said, reaching in her pocket for a penlight. There was more flickering, but his eyes still did not answer. Meredith bit her lap, and then sighed. "Dad?" she said, her voice cracking on the unfamiliar word. "Can you open your eyes?"

"What's going on?" Meredith turned on the spot, to see Lexie in the doorway, and she flushed wondering nervously if Lexie had heard her call Thatcher 'Dad'.

"I…uh… think he's waking up, " Meredith exclaimed, quickly stepping back. Lexie took her place and began coaxing her father to open his eyes. Eventually, after several more minutes, his eyes blinked open.

"Wha—what?" he muttered. Lexie looked at Meredith nervously, and Meredith relaxed. Teaching she could handle.

"Get him to squeeze your hand, look at his pupils, check his vitals. I'm going to go get Derek."

She knew that she was perfectly capable of doing the exam that her father now needed, but she did not want to. She would let Derek handle it. On her way to search for him, she passed Cristina.

"Hey," she said. "My father's awake."

Cristina nodded, looking over Meredith's shoulder at the OR board.

Meredith stared at her. "What is going on with you? Oh, never mind. I have to find Derek. We need to talk." She did not wait for Cristina's answer; instead she went down the hall.

She found Derek a few minutes later, and explained the situation to him. As they were walking back towards her father's room, he said, "I just got a call from a group of Neurosurgeons from Colorado. They want to come up and see Jeremy's treatment in action next month when we operate on the Brevard case."

Meredith nodded. The man was being transferred from Portland General in the next few weeks and they would begin the pre-op scans and works ups then. Another team from New York was also coming to watch.

When they entered her father's room, his eyes were open and he looked alert. Derek came in with a smile, while Meredith hung back.

"Dr. Shepherd," her father said, blearily. "You've been treating me?"

Derek began his own exam, and nodded towards Meredith. "Actually, Mr. Grey, Meredith has done most of the work. You have a very talented daughter. Two in fact," he added, looking at Lexie.

Thatcher looked between the two of them, and nodded. "I do, don't I?" he said. Then he focused on Meredith. "Thank you, Meredith."

Meredith smiled and nodded, and then turned away so that none of them would notice her wipe an unwelcome tear from the corner of her eye.

/ / / / /

It was another week before Thatcher could be released, and on the morning when Meredith was supposed to sign the discharge papers, she started to change into her scrubs only to realize that there was no way she could get away with not telling people that she was pregnant anymore. She had not noticed it when she blearily dressed in her sand Derek's bedroom that morning, her brain a mess of pre-op notes and intern assignments, but after her allowed 300mg of caffeine's worth of coffee she was somewhat more alert and noticed the definite growth of her abdomen. She pressed a hand against it, marveling at he fact that there was a baby growing in there.

The others began to file in as Meredith hurriedly put on her top. She noticed that Izzie and Alex came in within five minutes of each other, but not at the same time as they used to. She knew that there was something going on there, but she had not had time to catch up recently.

When they were all there, even Cristina, and also eerily silent, Meredith said excitedly. "So, guys, I have an announcement."

They all looked up at her, seeming to be only mildly curious. Cristina kept dressing, but she knew already after all.

"Derek and I are having a baby," Meredith said, grinning. "I'm twelve weeks pregnant."

They stared at her for a minute, and then Izzie squealed and hugged Meredith. "Congratulations!" she exclaimed. "I'll start making you baby clothes! I love baby clothes. And you'll need to really decorate the nursery!"

Meredith laughed.

Alex and George hung back for a minute, until Izzie had gone back to dressing, and then they came over to speak to her.

"Congratulations, Meredith," George said quietly. "I'm happy for you."

"Yeah, Mer. Good for you," Alex said.

Meredith met his eyes, trying to feel him out and figure out what was going on, but he looked away from her. That wasn't like him.

After a minute, she went over to lean against the locker next to Cristina.

"So," she said. "I told Derek, a while ago. And we're okay. So can we go back to talking?"

"We never weren't talking," Cristina said, putting her stethoscope around her neck. "I'm not going to squeal and cry over your fertility."

"I'm not asking you too! I just want… want us to be Meredith and Cristina again."

"We are," Cristina said. "I'm Cristina, you're Meredith. What's the problem?"

Meredith sighed. "Look. I'm not going to argue with you. Do you want to come over for dinner tonight? Derek can cook and then we can throw him out."

"I can't tonight. On call."

"Well, when you're not on-call."

Cristina shrugged. "Sure. I'll let you know. I need to go find my ankle-biting interns."

She left, and Meredith leaned there, wishing she knew what the hell was going on with her, but she had to go release her father.

She had avoided his room for the most part since he woke up, Now, though she did not have a choice. He was her patient.

She knocked before she entered, looking down at his chart.

"Meredith," he said, quietly. "Or should it be Dr. Grey?"

"Meredith's fine," she said softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore," he admitted. "Tired of being here. Not sure how you doctors stand it."

She nodded. "We're sending you home with a prescription for pain medication. We already gave the prescription to your—to Molly. So she has that and…um… we need you to sign some things."

"Of course, hospital paperwork," he said. "Listen, Meredith, can we speak for a minute? I understand if you don't want to but--."

Meredith looked away from the chart and nodded, sitting in the chair furthest from the bed.

"I... well, I'm afraid it won't mean much now, but I would like to apologize for the way I've behaved towards you since… since Susan's death. It was not your fault. In no way was it your fault."

"Oh, um," Meredith began, shifting uncomfortably. Her father put his hand up to keep her silent.

"I also want to thank you for the support you have given Lexie. I hear enough to know that she really looks up to you."

Meredith nodded. "It's no problem… Lexie… I'm pretty grateful for her too."

Thatcher smiled. "That's good. That's really good. So you two are friends?"

Meredith nodded. "I guess you could say that. Actually, yeah, we are."

"That's…that's good. Very good."

"Yeah. So… if you'll sign these, I'll get the nurses to put them through and we'll send you home."

"Okay, great. And Meredith? Once I'm up and moving again, we'll invite you and Dr. Shepherd to dinner again. I'll try not to ruin it next time."

Meredith nodded, smiling. "That sounds good. I'll… well that is…once I have the baby… we'll try not to stay away so much… I want my baby to…to have a family." She knew it was harsh, or that the implications were. She knew what her implications were just as sure as he would, and he needed to hear it.

He closed his eyes for a second and then nodded. "Good. Good." They stayed silent as he signed the papers, and Meredith took them. "If you need…anything," she said. "Call. I know, Molly with the baby…" she trailed off and he nodded.

She left then, leaving the paper work with a nurse. She then ducked into an on-call room and paged Derek.

When he arrived, he sat down on the bottom bunk with her, in the dark, as she started to cry. He held her close, and she held onto him sobbing.

"Mer," he whispered, kissing her head. "What is it?" she shook her head, unable to speak. "Shh. It's okay. You're okay. I've got you. Breathe, okay? Breathe."

She focused on his voice, his hand on her back, until she was finally able to calm down enough to stop crying. She lay against him in the silence for a minute; until she was certain that the heavy crying had stopped, although tears still were rolling down her cheeks.

"My father… apologized," she whispered.

"Oh Mer," Derek said, kissing the top of her head. That was all that he needed to say. He held her for a few more minutes, until she got paged to the pit. She wiped her eyes and left, feeling better, somehow, than she had in a while.

A/N Hi guys! Thanks for all your reviews! I've never broken a hundred reviews this early in a story before! Oh, and I know this one was mostly Meredith-focused, but I haven't forgotten the others.

In addition to this, I'm working on another fic that will come out when this one's done. It's a fun one, I think.


	8. Carry On

At the beginning of her fifth month, Meredith began to feel huge. She was pretty sure that this was not the best of signs, considering that she had another four months to go, but it was true. Derek had to help her with her shoes in the mornings, and every night when they finally went to bed, her back was killing her. Her interns were almost constantly muttering behind her back, particularly about her frequent trips to the bathroom. On the day of her first ultrasound, she whirled on them as they muttered to each other and snapped, "I want each of you to think about what your days would be like if you had the added weight of a growing baby on your bladder, think about how much fun rounds and surgeries would be then, and then reconsider whether or not you're going to keep whispering to each other and be on SCUT until long after I pop this baby out, and am back, with even less sleep than I get now, to deal with you people, or if you are going to be quiet and agree to learn from me!"

They stared at her, wide-eyed, but their mouths shut. "Good," she said. "Now that we are clear, Taylor you're on cardio today. Harrison, plastics. O'Reily go to the pit, you're on sutures. Frederickson, gyno. Carlisle, come with me." The interns scattered.

"We have a three-year-old today, who needs immediate treatment for a tumor that's causing persistent grand mal seizures," Meredith explained. "Dr. Shepherd was impressed with your work with the treatments last week, as were our visitors, so we agreed that you could handle assisting on this case."

"Thank you, Dr. Grey," the young woman said quietly. "I was honored to be involved."

Meredith nodded, and then led the intern to the patient's room. The little girl's mother was curled up with her in the hospital bed, and the girl was sleeping so peacefully that Meredith did not want to flip the light on.

Derek came up behind them and gently prodded them forward.

"Mrs. Richardson," he murmured quietly. She stirred and stretched, as Meredith reached out to turn on the light, her eyes still on the fair-haired little girl.

"Today's the day," Derek said, smiling at the mother. She was no older than twenty-five, Meredith decided. Her curly brown hair was messy from lying in the bed with her daughter, and she looked worried as she gently took her daughter in her arms and sat her up to encourage her to awake.

"Sleepy," the little girl murmured, rubbing her eyes.

"You'll get lots of sleep time today, dear heart," the mother murmured, as she helped Derek move the girl's pajama top up so that he could listen to her heart.

Meredith finally snapped out of her thoughts to step forward and address the young woman. "As we talked about earlier, we'll take her back in an hour or so. We'll remove a piece of her skull, enough that we can see what we're doing, remove the tumor, replace the skull flap and stitch her up. My intern, Dr. Carlisle will keep you updated on her progress."

"Is there someone that can sit with you?" Derek asked, gently. Meredith looked over the woman's head to shoot him a look. She had heard the story the day before. The woman had moved out to Seattle after her parents died in a car accident and her husband had lived only long enough to see Rebecca born before he too had been in a car wreck.

Tears filled the woman's eyes as she shook her head. "No," she said with a sniff. "Rebecca's all I have."

Derek nodded. "In that case, we'll send Dr. Carlisle out more frequently."

The woman nodded and then looked over at Meredith. "Dr. Grey, you have your ultrasound today, don't you? Will you be out in time?"

Meredith laughed. They had bonded two days earlier, during Rebecca's preliminary surgery prep, over the woes of pregnancy. "Don't worry about that," she said, bracingly. "I'll make it."

In the hall, Meredith sent Dr. Carlisle off to get a pre-op nurse, and paused to talk to Derek.

"We can't lose her," she said quietly. "All I can think of when I'm with them is what if it had been me. Before we were back together, if I had gotten pregnant, I would have gone back to Boston alone and…" she trailed off. Derek looked around and then reached out and tilted her chin up to meet his eyes.

"I would have never let you raise our child all alone," he assured her. "Whether we were together or not."

She nodded, eased by his reassurance, and went to go prepare to operate.

In the OR, Derek allowed her to fly solo, for the most part, only helping her when she nearly got overwhelmed by bleeders. After several hours of work, she was sewing the peacefully-sleeping child's incision shut. She met the eyes of her intern over the table. "Dr. Carlisle, will you close for me?" the intern smiled and nodded. Meredith stepped back and watched the young woman suture.

She let the intern be the one to give the good news to the mother, but ran into her later when she was checking the little one's progress in recovery.

"She's stable. She should wake up soon enough. We got all of the tumor that we could see, so we're very optimistic," Meredith said. She leaned over the bed to check the child's pupils, and felt the mother's gaze move to her belly.

"Dr. Grey, this isn't my business, but when are you due? Are you sure you're only five months?"

"Very," Meredith said dryly.

The woman nodded. "Okay. You just seem…well I don't remember… you know what, never mind. Good luck with your ultrasound."

"Thank you," Meredith said. "I'll come back by later."

She went outside and checked her watch. It was time to meet Derek at the elevator for her ultrasound. They rode upstairs, his hand on her back, which she allowed even though they were at work, because she was nervous. The baby rolled over. It was definitely a mover.

They got to the fifth floor where the OB-GYNs had their offices, and made their way down the hall to the receptionist's desk. They were taken back almost immediately, for which Meredith was grateful. She had to drag her interns around on post-op rounds and then finish up her shift.

"Dr. Grey," her doctor said as she entered the room. "Long time, no see." Meredith blushed. It was true that after her first appointment to confirm her due date she had not gotten a chance to come back. She figured that she was a doctor too, she would know if something were really wrong. The ultrasound appointment she had kept, though, because she wanted to start decorating the nursery.

"Let's get started, shall we?"

Meredith nodded, and then caught her breath sharply as the cold gel touched her abdomen. "Sorry," the doctor said, obviously still resentful of the fact that Meredith had not been to any other appointments.

A few minutes later, after several "hmms" from the doctor which caused Meredith's heart to pound, she turned on her stool and smiled. "Congratulations. You have two healthy babies."

Meredith's jaw dropped, and Derek grasped her hand.

"Two?" he repeated. "Two, Mer."

"Yeah," she said. 'Yeah, I heard."

"Do you want to know the sexes?"

"Um… yeah. Yes please," Meredith said. It took some prodding, and some moving on Meredith's part, which she barely noticed because she was still numb, before they had their answers.

"One of each," Derek murmured. Meredith nodded, swallowed and nodded again.

Once the doctor left, Derek helped her get cleaned up and dressed as the vision of the two babies on the screen ran over and over in her head.

"Mer? Are you freaking out?" Derek asked, once her clothes were on. She smiled.

"Maybe. A little. Or, maybe a lot actually. Two babies, Derek. Two. This whole thing was going to be hard enough with one, but two?"

"I know. I know. It's not going to be easy. But, hey, there are two of us, right? And we each have two hands. And the house is big enough. And you have friends, lots of them, who show up places all the time. We can handle this."

"We can?"

"We can. Somehow. I'm not exactly sure how, yet. But we'll figure it out. I promise."

Meredith took a breath and nodded. "Okay. But I'm trusting you, mister."

Derek smiled and put a hand on the small of her back. "Come on. You can tell your many admirers and make them buy us double the baby gifts."

Meredith laughed. Then she paused before they left the exam room. "Hey Derek?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"We didn't run. Either of us."

He smiled softly, and kissed her forehead. "No. We didn't. Of course, I'm not sure how far you would get, exactly. It's more like I didn't run and you didn't waddle."

"Oh you'll pay for that one," Meredith said with a smile.

/ / / /

"There're two of them. Two. Two babies with open mouths, and crying and pooping," Meredith was saying as Lexie entered the locker room. She had heard this speech before, but that was generally when Meredith thought she was alone. This time she was sitting on the bench talking to Cristina.

Lexie hung back n the shadows, knowing that she did not need to get between them again. She watched as Cristina turned on Meredith.

"Yes, and it's also twice the cooing and the laughing and all that other silly baby stuff that people are supposed to squeal over. Isn't that what I'm supposed to tell you, Meredith? I don't know. I'm not good at this stuff. I have to go perform surgery. Maybe you should go ask Izzie, or doe-eyes over there." She gestured towards Lexie, who was obviously not as well hidden as she had thought.

Lexie waited until Cristina had left to step forward. "I'm sorry "she said, quietly.

Meredith shook her head sadly. "It's not your fault. How's…"

"Dad's good. He was happy when I told him about the twins." Meredith nodded. "And Mer, for what it's worth, I think you can handle twins. It won't be easy, but my guess is it will be a lot easier than some of the things you have had to do in your life."

Meredith nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I guess so. But I no longer have the 'run away to Europe 'solution for hard times."

"Sure you do," Lexie joked. "If you take me with you."

Meredith laughed. "I'll think about that," she promised.

Lexie smiled, and started to change into her street clothes once Derek came in to go home with Meredith.

She was tired. She'd flown solo on her first appendectomy, finally, and Dr. Bailey had been impressed. It was something to celebrate. Maybe if she told George when she got home he would at least talk to her.

Lexie drove the familiar route back to the apartment. She no longer accidently turned right at a fork which would lead her to her childhood home anymore, even when she was exhausted after a forty-eight hour shift.

She put her key in the lock and swung the door open. And then her jaw dropped. The apartment was the same. Covered all over with items she had nabbed from the hospital, with the smell of neglect, since she and George were home so rarely. But things were missing. George's Bob Dylan poster, which they had moved out into the living room to add more space. His CDs next to the stereo were not next to the stereo.

When she explored further, leaving the door open behind her, she found his room empty, and a note on his stripped mattress.

_Lexie_,

_I'm sorry. I needed to get away, to think. This doesn't mean anything. I'm not leaving you, or avoiding your question. I just need to think. I'm sorry._

_ George_.

Lexie stared at the note for a minute, and then crumpled it in her hand. Her eyes narrowed. She wanted to scream. She wanted to blast the screamo music that she had played after every break-up in high school. Played loudly and continually and had screamed along with it until her mother had come in and turned it off, and listened to Lexie yell until she finally began to sob.

But her mother was not there. The screamo music was, but it was by the stereo where George's CDs weren't any more. In the apartment where George was not any more, and yet she could still feel him there. All she knew, was that she could definitely, definitely not be in that place anymore. So she grabbed her keys and slammed the door behind her.

Behind the wheel of her car, she had to spend several minutes blinking back tears until she could see well enough to drive. She traced her route of a mere fifteen minutes before backwards, until she swerved into the parking lot of the Emerald City Bar and left her car, planning on not seeing it again any time soon.

Inside the bar, the light was dim, and the noise of nurses celebrating Nurse Debby's birthday was loud enough to mask the pounding in Lexie's ears. She grabbed a stool in the corner of the bar and waited for Joe to come over. Looking around, her heart beat in fear that George might _be here_ which was definitely, definitely not what she wanted, but she did not see him anywhere. She saw Alex, sitting alone at a table, and she thought that if she were in a mood to she could get him to take her home with him, but she was too tired for that. And that would not help her troubles with George either.

"What can I get you, Lexie?" Joe asked. His smile infuriated her, but she didn't say anything about that, just murmured, "Tequila."

He brought the shot with lime, how she usually took it, but she flipped the lime off of the glass and took the shot. She savored the burning in her throat, not wanting to dull it with anything.

"Another," she said, once the rush stopped and her heart stopped burning.

Joe's eyebrow raised. "Not that I should be surprised, since you're a Grey, but what are you drinking to?"

Lexie looked at him. Normally, Joe knew all of her problems. She had rambled to him probably once a week since she came back to Seattle. On this night, it was all too much. She shook her head, and downed the shot he poured her.

/ / / /

Meredith was sitting in the living room reading the Baby Name book Izzie had given her with a highlighter hovered over the "F" page. "Florence?" she called to Derek, who was in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner. "Who names their child Florence?"

"I have an aunt Florence," he replied. "Nice woman. Used to crochet those little doilies all the time." He came into the living room to bring Meredith the mug of hot chocolate she had asked him for.

She stared at him. "Like I said, Florence?"

Derek opened his mouth to respond when the doorbell rang. "Stay there," he ordered.

Meredith looked at her watch. " It's ten o'clock. It's probably for me." She did not add that since they had taken Mark to the airport three days before, there was not really anyone for Derek that it could be. That was a sensitive subject. There had been manly hugs, and I'm-not-crying-no-really moments in the car on the way back home. Derek's way of coping was not mentioning Mark's name, at all.

So, even though they both knew it was probably for her, he went to the door, when he opened it he heard the surprise and concern in his voice and stood up to see who it was, putting the baby book on the sofa.

"Lexie?" he was saying. "Whoa, careful. There you go, I've got you." Meredith went into the foyer to see Lexie, half standing in the doorway, half being supported by Derek over the threshold.

Meredith hurried, as much as she could, closer. "Lexie, sweetie," she said quietly.

Lexie looked up, her eyes meeting Meredith's and her eyes filled with tears.

"Okay," Derek said. "Lexie, I'm going to help you to the sofa, and then you and Meredith can talk. How does that sound?"

Lexie nodded, with a small whimper, and Meredith followed them as Derek half carried her sister into the living room. He set her on the couch, and she leaned heavily on the arm of it, tears beginning to stream down her face.

"Call me if you need anything," Derek murmured, kissing Meredith on the cheek.

"Yeah, thanks," Meredith muttered. She went over to the sofa and knelt, well squatted, next to Lexie. "Come on, Lex, what's going on? You reek of tequila. You know that's not fair, right? It will be a very long time before I can indulge in that again."

To her dismay, this made Lexie cry harder. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she kept repeating.

Meredith sighed, and pulled herself up onto he sofa. She pulled Lexie to her and let her cry into her shoulder.

"I shouldn't be here," Lexie sobbed. "You shouldn't have to deal with me."

"Don't say that," Meredith chastised. "I apparently signed on for this sister deal, and whether I was sane then or not isn't the question here. It's my job now. Besides, you'd do it for me."

"Yeah," Lexie agreed, sniffing.

"Stay here," Meredith said. "I'm going to get you a glass of water. You're going to need it."

She went into the kitchen and filled the glass from the filtered water in the freezer, wondering when exactly she became so domestic. When she took it back to Lexie, Lexie was sitting up straighter, and her breathing was more regular.

"Okay," Meredith said. "So what's going on? Last time I saw you, you were sober and exhausted. Now you're even more exhausted and not as sober."

"You should talk to Joe," Lexie responded. "He has twins. He could help."

"He could," Meredith sighed. "But that's not what we're talking about right now. We're talking about why you're drunk and crying in my living room."

"Oh. Well the answer to that is tequila," Lexie said, apparently thinking she was being helpful.

"Lexie," Meredith said exasperatedly. To her dismay, this set off another wave of crying. Silently she rubbed small circles on Lexie's back, half wishing she were upstairs with Derek and half wanting to know what was wrong so that Lexie would have at least told someone and could maybe sleep it off.

This time, though, there were intelligible words that weren't apologies in between Lexie's sobs. "George," she gasped out. Meredith's heart sank.

"What about George?" she prodded gently.

"Gone," Lexie murmured. "All his stuff. Him. Bob Dylan."

Meredith sighed. She knew exactly how Lexie was feeling. She knew what it was like to have George, the George that you relied on, move out. And it was worse for Lexie. Lexie had not broken him; Lexie had been broken by him.

"Bob Dylan's not dead yet, Lex," she said, hoping against hope this would distract her. To her relief, a faint smile did cross Lexie's face.

"He left a note," she said quietly. "Saying he needed to think… but all his stuff's gone. He's gone. I… don't think he's coming back."

Meredith sighed. "I don't know what to tell you. Sometimes they come back. Derek did. What would your mother tell you?"

Lexie hunched forward, resting her chin on her hands. "Turn off the loud music..." she murmured, smiling a little.

"Yeah, mine too. What would she say about George though?"

"She would say… that there was not anything I could do. To let him go. That if he came back I was not allowed to let him back easy. I had to let him know he hurt me. But if it was meant to be… well… not to drive him away either."

Meredith's heart wrenched. She wished she could have had a mother that would have said those things. Her mother would never tell him that he might come back. But then, for her, he hadn't.

Lexie gulped from the water glass, draining it. "I have to pee," she murmured, unhappily. Meredith bit her lip. This sister business was work.

"Okay," she said. "Let's go then." She held out a hand, and Lexie took it. She got unsteadily to her feet, and Meredith wrapped one arm around her waist, so that she was supporting her front and back. Awkwardly, this way they made it to the downstairs bathroom. Lexie was steadier on the way back to the couch, and once Meredith sat, she laid her head on Meredith's lap.

Meredith ran her fingers along Lexie's hairline absentmindedly. "That feels good," Lexie told her. "My head hurts."

"I bet it does," Meredith said sympathetically.

"Meredith?"

"Yeah?"

"Um… I'm sorry but… I threw up on your driveway."

For some reason, this only made Meredith laugh. "Don't worry about it. I did that more than once before the morning sickness went away."

"You'll be a good mommy," Lexie said, obviously drifting off. Meredith did not want to leave her until she was really asleep, just in case the crying started again. She was about to go, when the doorbell rang again.

Lexie moaned quietly and opened her eyes.

"Sit up, sweetie," Meredith murmured, rubbing Lexie's shoulders. Lexie obeyed, and Meredith went to open the door, seeing Derek at the top landing.

He raised an eyebrow and she shrugged, swinging the door open to revel Cristina, standing there, holding her bike helmet in her hand. She was wet, and Meredith realized it must have started raining since Lexie came in. Well, maybe that would clean up the driveway.

"Hi," Meredith said.

"Hi," Cristina echoed.

"Come in." Cristina stepped through the doorway, and Meredith closed the door.

"What is it?" Meredith said, her voice low because she hoped that Lexie was going to go to sleep.

Cristina sighed, and sat down on the bottom step of the staircase. "I've been a bitch lately," she said.

Meredith crossed her arms. "You could say that," she said.

"Yeah… I… well I was the one who was supposed to be the example for you of happily ever after… but you got it instead… and it's hard with you happy and the baby business and…" she trailed off, and Meredith was about to respond when she heard footsteps behind her.

She quickly turned around to face Lexie. "It's okay, Lex. Go, go to sleep okay?" Lexie nodded and turned to walk back to the living room, but she stumbled over the pair of shoes Derek had left by the door, and Meredith reached out to catch her.

"Hold that thought," she said over her shoulder to Cristina. "We have a situation with Lexie at the moment."

"G'night Dr Yang," Lexie muttered. When Meredith was settling her on the couch again she murmured. "She still scares me."

"Sometimes she scares me too," Meredith admitted dryly.

She made her way back to the foyer. Her head was starting to hurt probably as much as Lexie's was. "Okay, so," she said. "You were saying?"

Cristina had stood up; helmet still in hand and her hand was still on the doorknob.

"You know what?" she said. "Save it. You're obviously to busy with your new person to talk to me!"

"Lexie is not my new person," Meredith hissed. "She's my sister. There's a difference. She'll never replace you, you guys are just different."

"Well, she seems to be more of what you need right now. Someone you can play mommy with."

"Oh don't give me that crap," Meredith snapped. "She at least listened to me when I was worried about telling Derek. She talked to me when our father was in the hospital."

"This is the same father that slapped you, am I right? I'm sorry if I didn't think that you were going to care too much."

"Yes!" Meredith said. "Yes, he slapped me. But if Derek died? If Derek died on someone's watch, someone who I trusted, I would probably slap them too. He's my father. She's my sister. They're the only blood family I have left. And before you say it, you're my family too. And that's why I'm holding on to all of you. So I'll have you and so my babies, my children, will have a life full of family.

"So maybe you're not great with kids. Maybe Lexie can teach them ridiculous amounts of nursery rhymes. But you can give them a sense of sarcasm, of irony. Teach them that the world isn't always perfect, but there are people out there who will surprise you. I've always stood by you, Cristina. Give me a break. Give Lexie a break. I don't want to lose you."

Cristina shook her head. "I'm not McDreamy, Meredith. I'm not swayed by speeches about your not-yet-born kids."

"Well then, what do you want from me?" Meredith said in exasperation. "Just tell me."

"I don't know! Something! I want the Meredith I know back!"

"Well maybe she's gone! Because I'm not dark and twisty, any more, Cristina. And I'm not going back there for you. I'll help you as much as I can. But I can't change the fact that I'm happy."

"Oh, poor Mer. I have the life I always dreamed of, woe is me."

"I think you should leave now." They both looked up to see Derek standing at the landing.

"Oh look, it's the knight in shining armor himself," Cristina said. "I'm gone." She threw the door open and left before Meredith could stop her. Derek came down and put his hands on her shoulders, but she shrugged him off.

"I was handling it," she snapped.

"She wasn't going to come around. Not tonight at least. Come on; come to bed. You're exhausted."

Meredith stepped away from him. "I have to check on Lexie," she said, hotly.

In the living room, Lexie was lying on the couch with her eyes open, a pillow over one ear. Meredith crouched next to her and pulled the pillow away, slipping it under her head.

"You were yelling," Lexie explained, then added hurriedly, "Is she mad about me? Because I can tell her, I just showed up and then you had to deal with me and…" Meredith put a finger to Lexie's dry lips.

"Don't worry about it," she said. "This isn't your problem. I think you've got enough of those to deal with."

Lexie nodded. "I just didn' wanna to go back to the apartment. I don't ever want to."

"You can stay with us for a few days, if you want," Meredith said. She should have spoken with Derek, but it just popped out, and Lexie's look of relief was so grateful that she couldn't take it back. "Tomorrow we'll set you up in the guest room. One of them."

Lexie nodded. Meredith stayed down there a few more minutes, until Lexie was snoring softly. Then, hesitantly, and unfamiliarly, she kissed Lexie's forehead. As she reached the stairs she shook her head at herself. At the same time, though she wondered, there was a feeling of… satisfaction… in taking care of someone else, someone who you cared about, that wasn't just a patient. She was used to having friends who only needed her when things were dire. And it wasn't that Lexie couldn't take care of herself, but she was young and needed some extra help. And she and Meredith were both mommy-less. So Meredith was okay with doing it. That surprised her.

In their room, Derek was sitting up with the baby name book Meredith had abandoned. She hadn't seen him take it upstairs, but she must have been busy with Lexie at the time. "Dagwood," he said by way of greeting. "People name their children Dagwood."

Meredith smiled softly. Then she climbed onto the bed. "You're not mad?" she murmured.

"No. Not at all. Unsure if I should blame it on hormones or Yang's ridiculous attitude, but not mad."

"Would you be mad if I told you Lexie's staying with us for a few days?"

"Nope. I'd be proud of you for taking care of your sister, particularly a sister you don't have to take care of."

Meredith nodded. "Good, because she is." And then, without any warning, she began to cry just as hard as Lexie had. Derek sat up quickly putting he book down and took her in his arms.

"I don't want to lose her," Meredith sobbed. "Cristina was there for me when…"

"When I wasn't," Derek acknowledged. "I know. She'll come around. Friendships change, Mer, you know that. But Cristina will come around."

Meredith nodded into his chest and her sobs subsided. He gently set her down on the pillows and went to a drawer to pull out her nightgown. He helped her dress, and they turned out the lights, snuggling under the covers together.

It took Meredith a while to fall asleep, her mind was churning over the events of the night, and the babies had decided to start moving. They were used to her moving around in the night, since she had been on call for two nights in a row.

She had just drifted into sleep. She was in a dream where she was sitting at Joe's, two children, whose faces she for some reason couldn't see, sat on stools next to her while Joe talked about he and Walter needing six hands each to raise his kids and Meredith and Derek couldn't handle it with just two. Behind the bar, Cristina and Lexie were fighting, knocking over bottles. Then Joe started singing "Hungry Like the Wolf" and the bar was shaking.

"Mer, your phone," Derek muttered, and Meredith realized that Joe wasn't singing, she wasn't in Joe's, her phone sitting on the bedside table was ringing and Derek was shaking her awake. _Much is alive, with juices like wine and I'm hungry like—_

"Hello?" Meredith said groggily, flipping the phone open.

"People and their interruptions of life," Derek muttered next to her, and she waved a hand to shush him.

'Meredith. It's Dr. Bailey."

"What is it? I'm not on call tonight."

"I know. Meredith, listen to me. There's been an accident."

Meredith's heart sank. She sat in the dark, her heart pounding as Derek breathed heavily next to her, having fallen back asleep and an owl hooted in the woods outside. Her breath caught in her throat and she almost did not hear Bailey's next words.

**A/N** So who caught the allusion to My Mother's Daughter?

Sorry there was no Friday update. I was stuck in a horrible hotel with no internet (gasp!)


	9. Longing to Know

_An accident_, the words swirled around in Meredith's head as she rushed around the bedroom, trying to find her coat.

"Mer, it's November. Please let me help you get regular clothes on so that you don't freeze," Derek said, coming behind her and putting his hands on her shoulder.

"There's not time," Meredith snapped, pulling away from him.

"There's always time for you not to get pneumonia while you're pregnant!" Derek retorted. "I'm driving you to the hospital, and I'm not taking you anywhere until you're dressed for it. Cristina will understand."

Meredith let out a sigh of frustration. "How would you know? You're the one who sent her away tonight and--."

"You're not making this my fault!" Derek said, pulling clothes out of drawers. "I know you're upset, Mer, but she was upsetting you. You were just going to keep arguing. But Cristina wasn't in a car accident, it's not like it was driving in the rain. There was no way of predicting this."

Meredith was not hearing him. As she let him help her dress she was going over the argument she had had with Cristina. No doubt, Cristina had been doing the same thing when she rode off. Had that distracted enough to cause the fall? Surely she was used enough to her apartment stairs that it was pretty hard to fall down two flights of them, wasn't she? Meredith wondered.

"Haven't we done enough of this? The accidents thing?" she asked, as they went down the stairs.

"Mmm, it's doctor karma," Derek responded.

"Is that like juju? Oh, crap, Lexie." Meredith had forgotten that her half-sister was sleeping on her sofa, until she heard the soft snore from the living room. She stood in the doorway. "I don't want to wake her," she said.

"Hold on," Derek said, disappearing into their study off the other side of the foyer and returning with a pad of post-its and a sharpie. Meredith grabbed them from him.

_Lexie,_

_At the hospital. Use my car if you need it. Keys in the bowl by the door. _

_ Mer_

_PS. I meant what I said, you can stay with us as long as you need to. _

She went into the family room and stuck the post it on Lexie's arm. There was no guaranteeing she would see it anywhere else. Lexie murmured in her sleep, but did not wake up.

"Okay," Meredith said. "Done. Let's go." She took a deep breath. "I can do this right? Be strong for her?"

"You definitely can," Derek assured her, putting his arm around her shoulders and leading her out the door to the car.

On the familiar drive to the hospital, Meredith replayed the conversation with Bailey in her head.

_"There's been an accident. Cristina was just brought in unconscious. She seems to have slipped in the stairwell of her building garage and fallen down at least two flights of stairs. You're listed as her contact person_."

That had been all that Bailey had known at the moment, and so she had urged Meredith to come to the hospital. So she went. Because Cristina was her person.

"If… no _when_ Cristina is better," Meredith said, quietly as Derek drove, "What…what can I do to fix…us? Because I need to do that."

Derek tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, as he looked at the streets, nearly empty at three AM.

"Well… I think you being there now will help. She'll see that you're not going anywhere. And… just keep talking to her. Be yourself. So she'll see that you haven't changed. Or… if you have that you're not some scary always-happy perky person. You still think patients can be stupid, and occasionally you think that I, yes even I, am a jackass. But you're right when you say that you shouldn't have to not be happy for her. If that's what she wants then… well…"

Meredith nodded. "Then there's nothing I can do," she said sadly. At the next stoplight, Derek reached over and squeezed her hand. For once, she was not entirely comforted by his touch.

At the hospital, Derek dropped her off at the trauma doors and went to park his car. Meredith hurried into the OR, putting her hand against her belly as the babies, who had calmed down, began to move again. "Come on, guys," she murmured, "Now is not the time."

She glanced around in the ER for a familiar face, and finally spotted Dr. Bailey in the doorway to a trauma room.

"Dr. Bailey!" she cried, rushing to her. "Where--?"

Bailey looked up from the chart that a nurse was showing her. "Hold on, I need to talk to Dr. Grey," she told the nurse. She went over to Meredith. "Please tell me that you did not drive yourself here, first of all," she said.

Meredith let out a breath. Bailey would not be lecturing her if something were seriously wrong. Or, she was pretty sure that she wouldn't. "Derek's parking the car. Cristina-?"

"Yang's in surgery. She fractured her right wrist, and broke her left leg. Torres is putting pins in the leg. All of her other scans are clear. She had not yet woken up when she was put down for the surgery, but that's probably from shock. She did have a laceration on her head where she hit the ground, but no evidence of brain damage."

Meredith nodded with each sentence. "Okay. So… she'll be okay? She should be?"

"She should be," Bailey repeated. "You need to go sit down. You're pale, Grey, paler than usual."

"Yeah.." Meredith bit her lip. "Dr. Bailey… do they know how she fell? I mean, it's not like Cristina…"

Bailey reached out and put a hand on Meredith's arm. "People fall, Grey. Sometimes it just happens, you know that. There doesn't have to be any reason for it. Now go make Shepherd find you somewhere to sit, he's hovering over there like the overprotective maniac that he is."

Meredith looked towards where Bailey gestured, to see Derek leaning against the nurses' desk, watching them.

"Thank you, Miranda," he called, flashing her a debonair smile.

"I care about Grey, not you," she called back, shaking her head. "Arrogant man."

"Don't I know it," Meredith murmured, and then walked over to Derek. "She's in surgery," she explained. "With Callie. So we wait."

"We wait," he echoed. "Can we wait in an on call room so you can get some sleep?"

Meredith yawned, suddenly feeling ten times more tired than she had when she first went to bed. "Sounds good," she murmured, leaning against Derek.

"Come on," he said quietly, leading her down the hall. In the on-call room, the two of them barely fit on the bottom bunk together, with the added mass of the babies, but they managed.

Derek's arms no longer met around her middle, so instead he rested one arm against her stomach, and she clasped it with her own as they both fell into a shaky sleep. Meredith remained half-awake, though, her mind still clicking with worry, even as exhaustion won over.

/ / / /

Why didn't George know that having him in the house was the last thing Izzie needed? Izzie wondered, the morning after he had shown up and put his things in the room that Meredith had mostly vacated. He did not say anything about why he was there, and Izzie did not pry, because the very fact that he was there was enough to make Alex give the two of them smug looks, that Izzie wanted to slap off of his face.

This was why she was up at five in the morning, to make him (and just him) breakfast before they went on shift. At first she had been angry. Angry because Alex had never acknowledged their argument, or tried to fix it. He had just started avoiding her. But, it had been weeks and the anger had ebbed away. Alex had withdrawn, he did that and she knew that he did. It was not a new thing. She should have realized that right away, but she didn't and then she did not know what to do anymore.

So, she started trying to slowly work her way back in. She insisted that they begin to carpool to work again, with gas prices being what they were. And she made food. Then, George showed up, all quiet and mysterious and she did not know what to do. She did not know how to convince Alex that she and George were just friends.

This was why she was in the kitchen so early; watching bacon to make sure it did not burn.

When she heard footsteps on the stairs, she turned on her 'spirited' smile and said "good morning!" before she had time to realize that the steps were not Alex's.

"Oh," she murmured. "Morning George. I… didn't know that you had a shift at the same time as us, so I didn't make enough for three," she lied.

George sat down at the table counter and shrugged. "Alex isn't here," he said. "I think he had early rounds."

Izzie stopped flipping pancakes to purse her lips. She had been up since four thirty and hadn't heard him leave. He must not have even come home. Maybe he even picked up some girl and went to her place. He did that, didn't he? Just like Meredith did. Or Meredith had done. Or whatever.

"Well… I guess there is enough then," she finally said.

"I'm sorry, Iz. I know you didn't make this for me," George said softly.

Izzie's shoulders sagged at the note of pity she heard in his voice. "He's a good man," she whispered. "I know he doesn't always seem to be but…"

"You don't have to tell me," George told her. "I know Alex is a good guy. But maybe he's not right for you, you know? Maybe you're better off as friends."

Izzie turned to him, "Like we are George?" she asked softly, remembering what she had said to him at Joe's. He shrugged. Izzie didn't say anything as she moved the pancakes and bacon onto plates and put them on the table. When she and George sat down she took a bite and then placed her fork down, leaning her elbow on the table. "So is there anyone right for me, in your eyes? Are you trying to say that you are?"

George shrugged. "I… I don't know… I'm not ready. So I don't think I'm right for anybody."

"Don't be stupid, you're George," Izzie said, wondering if something had happened with Lexie. For once, she did not want to pry into someone else's problems. Hers were enough for her.

"And you're Izzie," he countered.

Izzie sighed, and continued to eat her pancakes. They felt dry, and she knew it was not the recipe. Pancakes were one of her specialties. She used to make them all the time for Meredith and George when they all lived together.

"Do you miss it?" she asked George as she went up to pour herself more oranage juice.

"What?"

"Us all being here… together… when things were simpler?"

George let out a small laugh. "Things were never simple. That was back when I was in love with Meredith, or thought I was. And she was jilted by Shepherd and we were all incredibly lost at work and…"

"Okay, I get it," Izzie said, sitting down with a sigh. "I didn't say it was easy. I just asked if you missed it."

George paused for a minute, and then nodded. "Yeah I do. Of course I do. I think Meredith does too. Maybe that's why she's always here. I mean… you know."

Izzie nodded. "Maybe the three of us should do something some time."

George laughed. "In all our free time?"

Izzie laughed too, and they finished their meal in companionable, though contemplative silence.

Izzie drove them both to the hospital, and as they were getting out of the car, she saw Meredith drive up. She went over to say hello, but then realized that it was not Meredith in Meredith's car.

Instead, Lexie Grey, clad in one of Meredith's Dartmouth sweatshirts and fumbling with a pair of sunglasses, climbed out of the driver's seat. She looked pale and tired, even from a distance Izzie could see that. As she started across the parking lot, she dropped her purse, and bent down to pick it up. George was headed to the doors, and Izzie watched as Lexie looked up and her mouth fell open when she saw him. Then Izzie saw her look past George to Izzie and she set her mouth into a firm line.

Izzie walked forward, to hear what George was saying to her.

"Lexie, it's not--."

"Don't talk to me, George. I don't want to hear it." Lexie said, then took off in a run towards the hospital doors.

Izzie came up next to George, who was staring after Lexie. "George what-?"

"I'm going to be late for rounds," he replied and he too ran for the door. Izzie was left standing in the parking lot, confused.

_Sometimes I wonder if they should have even left us out of kindergarten with these people skills_, she thought as she too headed for the doors.

/ / / /

"You could have woken me up." Meredith looked up to see Lexie leaning against the doorway of Cristina's hospital room, one hand clasped tightly around a cardboard cup of coffee, and the other trembling slightly before she rested it on the doorjamb.

Meredith was about to respond, as Derek came in behind Lexie, offering a paper bag to Meredith. "Blueberry, just as you ordered," he told her, sitting on the floor next to her chair. He turned to Lexie and gave her a big smile, "Morning, Sunshine."

Lexie made a face at him, but it was only a moment before her face regained the miserable expression she had worn when Meredith first saw her. "Seriously, or you could have told me that you rushed up here in the middle of the night to tend to Dr. Yang. I just figured you were on-call. I had no _idea_ what Bailey was talking about when she asked if I had seen you and if you were okay. I started rambling about babies and hormones and the next thing I knew she was asking me if I was feverish."

Meredith snorted. "I didn't want to bombard you with too much this morning. I wasn't sure if you had a shift, and if you didn't I figured you'd still be asleep when I got home, even if that was like two days from now."

"My cell phone is my alarm," Lexie said with a sigh. "I'm programmed not to ignore it."

There was a beeping as Derek's pager went off. He pulled it off of his waist and glanced at it. "911. Gotta go." He stood, and kissed Meredith on the forehead. "Cheer up, Lexie," he said, when he reached the door. "You won't be the first Grey sister to have a shift after a night of indulgence sparked by the men in their lives," He turned to wink at Meredith.

"Your boyfriend is so comforting," Lexie said sarcastically, coming over to sit on the spot on floor Derek had vacated.

"He's teasing. More teasing me than teasing you," Meredith said, biting into her muffin. "How do you feel?"

"Humiliated," Lexie admitted. "And like I got run over by a truck." She sighed and leaned her head against the wall.

"Sounds about right," Meredith said, knowingly.

"Thank you… for everything."

"Not a problem," Meredith reassured her. "Want a muffin? Derek got me two."

Lexie blanched and shook her head. "No thanks. I have to go with Dr. Hahn on rounds in fifteen minutes. I'd prefer not to vomit on her shoes."

"Fair enough. If you're really nice to me, I'll request you on my service later and you can sit and monitor that very attractive man whose skull I removed a bullet from yesterday. He's still out cold, but his vitals are stable so he should wake up soon. He might be inclined to be very grateful to the first face he sees upon waking."

"No. That's okay. Dr. Hahn's performing a bypass today that she says she'll let me assist on."

"You sure you're up to it?"

"Oh, I'll be up to it." Lexie said, seriously. She pulled herself up using the arm of Meredith's chair. "Shit, dizzy. Hang on." She hovered for a minute; half standing half not, and then stood the rest of the way up. "If I'm not up to it, I'll just tell Dr. Hahn that you demanded I watch bullet-guy."

"A true surgeon," Meredith murmured.

"I try. Is she okay? Bailey said she would be but—"

"She should be. She hasn't woken up yet, but I'll let you know when she does."

Lexie nodded, and headed slowly for the door. As she reached the threshold, she paused. "I ran into George in the parking lot…does it ever get easier?"

Meredith thought back to the awkward encounters with Derek, over the months they were apart. The way his eyes made her weak, his smile that always made her smile. "A little," she said cautiously. She wanted to bring up the fact that Lexie didn't know if it was really over, but she knew that that was not what she needed to hear right then. "With time."

"Okay. Thanks. Could you… go with me to get some clothes from the apartment? I won't stay with you long I just…"

"Need time," Meredith finished. "Go do your rounds, we'll take care of that later."

Lexie nodded and disappeared. Meredith sat back against her chair and looked at Cristina, who was still not awake. "You know," she said. "Things might have been easier if I had listened to you and kept hating her, but I think I'd be missing out."

She finished her muffin and continued to sit, turning her pager over in her hands. She was lucky that she did not have any surgeries that morning, but she was still on-call. If she did get called away, she was going to page the intern she had sent to work SCUT and make him sit with Cristina.

Lexie had been gone for about half-an-hour, when Cristina's eyes began to flicker. Meredith heaved herself up from the chair and perched on the edge of the bed, taking her friend's hand. "Cristina, wake up," she murmured. "You need to wake up, okay?" her eyelids separated for just a second, and Meredith leaned forward to get into her line of vision

"Cristina, open your eyes. I know you're tired. I just need you to wake up for me for a minute, okay? Can you do that?"

Cristina moaned softly, but her eyes came open again, and she held Meredith's gaze steady.

"Hey," Meredith said. "You've successfully proved your mortality. Congratulations."

Cristina blinked, then held Meredith's gaze more steadily. "What happened?" she murmured.

Meredith knew that the anesthesia could cause amnesia of the accident, but she found herself instinctively reaching for a penlight. "You took a nosedive down the stairs in your building. Follow this with your eyes." Cristina did, then groaned.

"Really? I fell down the damn stairs?"

Meredith shrugged. "It's what they tell me."

"Damn," Cristina murmured. Her eyes fell closed again, and Meredith assumed she would fall back asleep, still woozy from anesthesia. Instead, Cristina's eyes opened again. "I was coming back," she said, so quietly Meredith barely even heard her. "I spent a good five minutes in my apartment before I realized how stupid I had been I—"

Suddenly, Meredith realized that she didn't want to hear it. "Save it," she said. "It's okay. Focus on healing."

"But—."

"We're Meredith and Cristina. We don't do the thing where someone talks and someone cries. Don't worry about it."

There was a beeping noise from the other side of the room, and Meredith went to pull her phone out of her bag. She opened it to find a text from Lexie.

_You whore. Bullet-guy is sixty years old!_

Meredith burst out laughing.

"What's funny?" Cristina asked. Meredith looked from her, to the text, and back. _What the hell?_ She decided

"Lexie's not as different from us as you might think," she explained, and then sat back down to explain the events of the night before.

/ / / /

Derek pulled into the driveway, and found that his usual spot was blocked by an unfamiliar car. He decided that it must be Lexie's. So that was really happening. He had meant it when he told Mer that he was proud of her for looking after her sister, but he had kind of hoped that it would not really mean that they would have her sister as a houseguest.

_Still,_ he remembered as he locked the car and heads inside, _Kathleen stayed at the brownstone during the entirety of her post-doc work and that was not so bad_.

When he went in the door, he expected to see Meredith in the living room with another baby book or medical journal, but the living-room was empty. He went upstairs, and noted that the door of one of the as-yet-unused bedrooms up there was closed and there was a sliver of light underneath it, meaning that that was Lexie's

After he hung up his jacket and put up his shoes, he ascertained that Meredith was not in any of the upstairs rooms, so he went back downstairs to search her out.

He finally found her in the one bedroom they had put in downstairs. She had not understood why they needed one down there, until Derek had pointed out that if his mother ever came to visit she would expect to be put up in their house, seeing as it was on forty acres of land, and they did not really want her anywhere near their bedroom. Meredith had responded with a comment like, "You really think I could have sex with your mother in the house?" but she had agreed.

When Derek entered the room, he noticed that not only was Meredith in the room, she was changing the sheets. He stood in the doorway and raised an eyebrow. "Did my mother call and say she was coming up? I'm pretty sure if that happened you would be running for the hills, not putting on a comforter."

"I don't run for the hills anymore, remember?" Meredith pointed out, straining to get to the space between bed and wall to fix the covers. "Help me." She backed away and he got into the space easily. "And it's not for your mother it's..." he turned to watch her bit her lip and cross her arms. "It's for Cristina. Just until she can move around her apartment on her own."

Derek's eyebrows shot up. "Cristina?" he repeated. "First Lexie, now Cristina? Are we running a boardinghouse, Mer? There's not going to be any room for the babies at this rate! Should we make up rooms for Izzie, George and Alex too? Or should we just spend alternate nights there and here so that they don't have to move?"

Meredith's eyes widened in anger, and she put her hands over her hips. The sleeves of his flannel shirt, that she was wearing in lieu of maternity clothes, which she hated, fell over her tiny hands. Her eyes flashed. "They're family, Derek! They were here when you weren't!"

"But I'm here now!" Derek pointed out. "I'm here, and yet you still gravitate towards them more than me." He knew that he was probably exaggerating, but he also had not signed on to run a boardinghouse for wayward Seattle Grace residents.

"Just because you're here, I don't want to lose them! I know you're all used to the family thing, with your put-together sisters and their manly husbands and adorable kids, but this is all new to me. So I'm doing the best I can, and what I can do is take people in when they need it." She turned and left the room. For one terrible moment, Derek expected to hear the front door open and close, but it didn't. Instead he heard her footsteps go up the stairs.

With a sigh, he sank down on the bed and ran his hands over his face. He wished he had learned the first time that marriage wasn't easy, but it seemed that that lesson had to be learned over and over again in every marriage. Then he almost realized when he remembered that he and Meredith weren't even _officially_ married.

**A/N** I'm not going to lie, I adore Lexie.

Oh, and if any of you who like my fics don't have me as an Author Alert, you should. There may be a surprise up Thursday.


	10. From My Friends

Upstairs, Meredith started to go to Lexie's room to commiserate, but she noticed that the light was out, and she hoped that Lexie had managed to fall asleep. When Meredith got off that evening, she had made sure that Cristina was okay. She had walked into the hospital room to find Cristina on the phone, vehemently explaining to her mother that she did not, under any circumstances, have to come up to visit. After that, she and Lexie had taken her car to Lexie's apartment complex where the girl had steadfastly refused to get out.

Sitting in the parking garage, staring at her half-sister, Meredith knew that she was supposed to be supportive. To gently ease Lexie into going in and seeing that it was not that bad. Instead she had snapped something about 'oh yes, let's make the pregnant one do all the work' and gone inside herself.

Once she was inside, though, she understood why it hurt Lexie so much. In all of his movement over the past year or so, George had gotten adept at packing all of his things and leaving no trace of himself. There were still tack marks where posters had come down. It reminded Meredith of standing in another similarly stripped apartment with Cristina sobbing in a wedding dress. As she threw some of Lexie's clothes into a duffel bag, she wondered if George maybe should not have learned that lesson from Burke, even if Burke had been his idol.

In the car, after throwing the bag into the backseat she had murmured to Lexie, "It's okay. I'm an avoider too."

So, since she did not want to bother Lexie, she went to her own room lying on her side, on the bed, the babies giving her a moment of peace just when she did not need it.

She should have asked him. She knew that. That was how couples worked, wasn't it? But helping her friends was how she worked, because they would do it for her. She was confused. She wished someone could just explain to her how this relationship versus friends thing worked, but that person was normally Derek, and he was angry at her and…

"Meredith?" Derek's voice startled her, but she did not roll over. "Meredith, are you crying?"

"No," she lied. The tears had come unbidden to her eyes and she was trying to sniff them back, with little success.

The bed creaked a little as he climbed up next to her, putting his hand on her arm. "Mer, come on. Let's talk, okay? I'm sorry I yelled."

"S'okay," Meredith muttered, angrily wiping tears from her face. They were making a stain on the burgundy bedspread under her cheek, so she put her hand over it.

"No it's not. It's never okay. It happens, but it's not okay," Derek said. "I'm sorry," he added.

Meredith took a shuddering breath and pushed herself up. Derek helped her, and he sat up too, turning so that they were facing each other on the bed.

"So…" she said, nervously, fiddling with her watch. "I should have asked you. It's your house too, more yours than mind. So I should have asked."

Derek nodded. "Yeah. But it's just as much your house, Mer. And I should have been more understanding. I know you miss your friends.

"This house is so quiet," Meredith blurted out. "I mean, when you're not home. That's why I go to the townhouse… because there are people. I went from college, to living in a very busy apartment with roommates who were just as bad at keeping a job as I was, to hostels in Europe, to more roommates in med school, to Izzie and George. And I know the house will be plenty busy once these two are born," she put a hand to her stomach, "But they're not yet."

Derek nodded. "Well… the house is big. We could have them over more. When people are off. Have dinners. And then have people go home."

Meredith laughed, and then nodded. "That sounds good," she said.

"Okay. And Cristina can stay with us. You're right that she'll need help. But I don't want you wearing yourself out, got that?"

"Yeah. I know," Meredith said with a sigh. The sigh turned into a yawn, and Derek gently pulled her against him.

"How are things going with Cristina?" Derek asked gently, running his fingers through her hair.

Meredith shrugged. "I think they're okay. I mean, she's obviously dealing with some more important stuff right now, but she doesn't hate me. And we talked a little about things today. About us, and that Lexie can't replace her, but I also care about both of them. All that feeling stuff that we don't usually talk about." She looked up at him, accusatorily. "You've made me very in-tune to all the feelings crap," she informed him. "You and the two babies that have formed in my uterus definitely increase the feelings thing."

Derek chuckled, and Meredith felt the vibrations against her cheek. "I take no shame," he said, kissing the top of her head.

She smiled and inhaled the smell of his cologne on his forest green sweater. She closed her eyes and murmured, "Sometimes, I wake up and still can't believe it."

"Can't believe what?" Derek asked, running his hand up and down her arm, as she curled the fingers of her other hand around his.

"That you're here with me," she said, wonderingly. "That you're not going anywhere, and that we have a life together. We're having kids now; we have a house. I'm not the poor little ex-mistress, or the intern screwing the attending anymore. I'm yours, and we're together."

Derek did not say anything, for a minute and she looked up, nervously. To her surprise, his eyes were misty and he smiled at her. "I love you," he murmured.

"Mmm, I love you too," she murmured.

"Meredith?"

"Yeah?"

"This is weird, because I usually have a grand gesture. With flowers and everything. Or at least I did with…. With Addison. But… Meredith, once the babies are born… some time after that… will you marry me?"

Meredith's eyes went wide, and she sat up, turning to face him. "Seriously?" she asked.

He grinned. "Seriously."

Meredith leaned in and caught her lips with his, not knowing any other way to express what she was thinking. She should be confused, afraid. Old- Meredith would have been. But instead, all she felt was elation. When she finally pulled back, Derek asked cheekily, "Is that a yes?"

"I should not even have to dignify that with an answer," Meredith said, with a laugh. "I want nothing more, Derek Shepherd."

"In that case," Derek said, reaching behind him and pulling open the bedside drawer, "This is for you." He emerged with a square box. Meredith's breath caught as he opened it. "I may not have had a plan, or candles, but I did have this." Gently he took her hand and slid the ring on.

Hours later, when they were lying in bed and Derek was asleep, Meredith slid up. It did not disturb Derek when she got up anymore; she had to use the bathroom so many times a night anymore. But this time she went down the hall to the empty nursery and sat down in the rocking chair. Looking down at the ring, she opened her cell phone and pushed the speed dial for Cristina.

"I am a patient you know," Cristina answered on the first ring.

"So, I don't know how this will effect the working on not being all 'happy perky family' Meredith, but Derek and I are engaged, and I had to tell you first," Meredith said. "Lexie lives in my house right now, so I'm not positive that Derek wouldn't have said something at breakfast. So I'm telling you now."

There was a moment's silence, and Meredith closed her eyes in worry. "Congratulations," Cristina finally said.

"Thank you. Will you be my maid of honor?"

"You know I will," Cristina said.

"Good. Now get some sleep, you're a patient."

"I believe I said that." Meredith laughed and was about to hang up, when Cristina continued. "Hey Mer? I'm happy for you. Really."

"Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow. Don't drive the nurses too crazy before then."

"But it's fun."

"Yeah, I know, but you and nurses don't have the best track record." Meredith pointed out. Cristina laughed. They chatted for another minute or so, before hanging up, and Meredith looked around the nursery, her hand resting on her stomach. It was hard to believe that soon this room would be filled with life.

In the hall, she was startled to see Derek leaning against the wall, his arms folded and his hair messed up by sleep. She walked over and put her arms around him.

"How was Cristina?" he asked, leading her back to their bedroom.

She smiled and shook her head, loving that he knew her so well.

/ / / /

Meredith rarely knew what to do with days off. When they were weekends, it was okay. She and Derek did errands and things like that. But weekdays, when Derek was still working doing fantastic surgeries that she would have wanted to scrub in on, she had no idea what to do with herself.

By three in the afternoon on Wednesday, the week after Cristina got out of the hospital, she was going crazy. She had done all of the laundry, picked up the house, dusted even though they had a cleaning service that came in once a month, and made new lists of baby names. She had already learned that Cristina preferred to be left alone, unless they actually had something to talk about, which she really didn't. She also could not complain about wanting to be at the hospital to someone who would not be able to go to work for at least two weeks. She would hate that if she were Cristina.

She had spent some time in the nursery putting up the children's books that Derek's mom had sent them. She had flipped through them, looking at the pictures, but she had an idea in her head of discovering them with her children. So, she put them on the shelf and stepped back to look at the brightly colored spines, just waiting for examination by her little ones. Then she looked around the rest of the nursery and frowned in dismay, it looked fairly empty.

Derek had put together the second crib that weekend, something that had been amusing to watch, and they had a changing table and dresser along with the rocking chair, but there was little else. She remembered that some of her baby things might still be in the townhouse. She had a vague memory of a rocking horse, which she would have to get Derek to load into her car, but there might be some toys and she could at least start going through them.

She went downstairs, holding onto the railing. Her growing belly was getting to the point that it nearly caused her to over-balance. She heard someone in the kitchen, and ducked in to see Lexie putting up groceries.

"Oh, hi," Lexie said, slamming the fridge shut like she had been caught doing something wrong. "I was just thinking that I would cook tonight. I mean, I'm pretty good at it and you guys are letting me stay here so…" she trailed off.

"You can cook?" Meredith asked, somewhat surprised. Lexie nodded. "Oh. Well then sure. But Derek won't be home for a while, want to go with me to the townhouse? I'm going to go look through my old baby stuff."

"No! No, um that's okay. I'll stay here in case Dr… Cristina needs anything."

"Suit yourself," Meredith said with a shrug. "And be glad I'm not too big to drive yet. Otherwise I'd make you go."

"Noted," Lexie said. "Definitely noted."

Outside, Meredith pulled her coat tighter. It would be snowing soon, she realized. Christmas was coming. That was a weird thought.

She drove the familiar route to the townhouse and let herself in with her key. She had thought about selling the place. Izzie had brought it up several months earlier, assuring Meredith that she and Alex could find apartments, but in the end she kept it. Her mother had kept it for years when they were in Boston, and Meredith was not really ready to let it go either. She could send Derek and the kids there when they drove her crazy.

The house was empty, and eerily quiet. Meredith went straight upstairs to the attic. It was pretty well picked up and organized, even if it was just her mother's dumping ground for things she had picked up traveling over the years. Meredith had not been in there since she and her mother had moved in the boxes from their Boston house, when her mother had returned to Seattle to write her book.

Near the entrance to the attic were the boxes of things taken from Meredith's bedroom in Boston. Her records, tapes and stereo she had moved to her and Derek's study. He had said that there was a way to transfer them to the computer, but she liked to sit in there, reading medical journals with the records she had had for years turning on a turntable.

The things that had been in the attic for nearly twenty-five years were in the back, and Meredith had to carefully wade through boxes to get there. At first she was not sure that she would even make it. Eventually, though, she spotted a brown rocking horse. When they had moved to Boston, Meredith had not want to leave it, she remembered suddenly, putting a hand on the muzzle. Her mother had insisted though, that she was too old for it, and it would not fit in the moving van. She planned on letting her children play with it for as long as they waned.

Just behind the rocking horse, there were boxes marked "Meredith—Baby Things". Meredith was grateful that they weren't piled, just pushed to the side. She pulled the first away and opened it. A pile of books was inside, and she sat down, sliding against the wall, in shock. Slowly she began to pull them out, sneezing at the dust. Some of them were the same as the ones Derek's mother had sent, some weren't, but as she looked at them, she remembered. She could hear her father's voice reading them.

She put the books back, pushing the box aside to get Derek to bring down that weekend. The next box had several stuffed animals. She was surprised to see that they were in pretty good condition, dusty, but they had obviously been stored with care. The bear that she pulled out first, she remembered. Her father had gotten it for her when she got chickenpox at the age of three. The others were not as familiar, but she still smiled to see them.

The rest of the boxes had clothes, boxes and books, all immaculately stored. She wondered which of her parents had done it. It was the last box, though, that made her heart beat faster. She had never had many of her baby pictures. There was the small album that she had found in her mother's desk when she, Izzie and George had first moved in, but those were all when she was older. In Boston, there had only been school photos hung in the stairwell by well-meaning housekeepers.

But in the box, there were piles of pictures. They were obviously old, and not many of them were labeled, but they were there. Meredith pulled a pile out and began to go through them. It was obvious that her father had taken them, since many of the first pile were her mother, holding her. The first few were at Seattle Grace, she recognized the view from the window she could just see. Her mother sat in a wheelchair, wrapped in a lavender robe, a tiny baby, Meredith, asleep in her arms.

Meredith stared at the picture, looking at the smile on her mother's face. She reached out a finger and touched the face. It was a look Meredith could not remember seeing on her mother's face. She looked peaceful, happy and proud. And she was looking down at Meredith. Tears came to Meredith's eyes, and she wiped them away before they fell on the photograph. She stared at it for a long minute before she began to sift through the other photos.

She was not sure how much time had passed before she heard the slam of the front door, but when she looked around she saw that the light in the attic had gotten considerably darker. All of the boxes, it turned out, she would need Derek to lift, but she pulled out some of the pictures to take home with her. The rest she would put in albums, but these she wanted to frame.

She was standing up, when she heard footsteps on the stairs. She turned just in time to see Izzie come in.

"Mer, what are you doing here?" she said, with a small frown.

Meredith laughed. "It is my house, Iz. I'm just going through boxes. Come see what I found."

Izzie came over, and smiled at the photo on top. It was Meredith as a baby, grinning at the camera as she held herself up on all fours.

"Adorable," Izzie said.

"Yeah," Meredith said. "Hey Iz, are Alex and George here?"

"Hmm? Yeah, why?"

"I need to talk to you guys."

Meredith could have sworn that she saw Izzie flinch, but the smile was back within seconds, so she might have been wrong. "Yeah, okay. Let's go downstairs, I think they're in the kitchen."

/ / / /

Izzie had no idea what Meredith wanted to talk about, and it did not matter really. What mattered was that she and Alex and George were going to have to sit together and converse, something that had not really been happening, and Izzie did not know how that would go. Alex still could not get it through his head that she was not romantically interested in George, even though she had figured it out. George had been moody all week, and had not even talked to her, and she knew it was not her that he was thinking of. She supposed she did not really blame Alex, either, when it bore a resemblance to the last time they had been getting back together right before…before Denny, but it was not like he was blameless either.

She sat on the sofa, as Meredith rounded the boys up and herded them into the living room. George had a bowl of cereal in his hand, but had apparently been dragged off before he could get a spoon. Izzie smirked; only Meredith could get them to move like that.

"All right," Meredith said, standing in front of the three of them in the living room. "I want to know what the hell is going on with you people." She put her hands on her hips, and Izzie was amazed at how fierce she looked, even with the heft of the two babies on her small frame making her look somehow more fragile than ever. "Derek and I talked the other night, about having you guys come over more, which we definitely need to do. But I thought about it, and realized how weird you guys had been acting. I would have noticed it sooner," she added, "If not for the pregnancy thing, and the Cristina thing. Oh, and," she said, turning on George, "The Lexie thing." George flinched.

"So here's what I can figure out," she said, "You, Alex are an idiot."

Alex smirked. "Thanks, Mer. How's the hormones thing going for you?"

"Shut up!" Meredith snapped, and Izzie nearly laughed when she saw that this made Alex sit back and shut up. "Like I said, you're an idiot. Anyone who can see the way Izzie has been looking at you for the past few months has got to realize that she's not interested in anyone else, so I don't know what you're afraid of, but figure it out." She took a breath and her face softened. "Look, I know you're dark and twisty. You're like me, only with a penis, I get that. But I also know that things will be a lot better if you let yourself be happy, so seriously? This wounded, nothing goes right for me thing? Needs to stop."

Alex scowled. "Are you through?"

"With you, yeah."

Without another word Alex stormed off. Izzie half stood, wondering if she should go after him, but Meredith made eye contact with her.

"Let him go," she said. "He's got to figure things out. And you need to let him. And then you need to tell him, over and over again until it clicks in, that you're sorry if you ever made him think you don't love him. Or however it is that you feel about him. I assume you've figured that out?"

Izzie nodded, looking down at her hands, which were clasped in her lap.

"Before you yell at me," George said, and Izzie turned to see that there was a hint of a smile on his face, "Can I just point out how much you remind me of Dr. Bailey right now?"

Izzie snickered, but Meredith just raised an eyebrow.

"Will that make you listen to me?" she asked, and then continued without waiting for an answer. "I don't know what you're thinking, George. I know that you don't ever really want to hurt anybody, so that's why you're doing this. But you're hurting Lexie. She won't go into your apartment; did you know that? And maybe it's silly, but it's how she's dealing. It's how she's dealing with the fact that you don't talk about things. You just act. And I know you think you are doing it to protect her. But it would be really great if you could tell her that. I don't know how much she trusts me, but I know she trusts you. Well, trusted you, probably. But you need to talk to her. I don't know what you have to say, or any of that stuff, but you have to talk to her, mainly so she'll leave my house. I've had about all of the sisterly bonding I need for a while."

Meredith took a breath, looked between the two of them, and let her hands fall to her sides. "Okay," she said, pushing hair out of her face. "I'm done. I need to go, but before I do, we…um… need to make plans for the holidays, or whatever. Derek wants to do them at our place so… yeah." She smiled for a second, and then she was gone, the door closing behind her.

George and Izzie looked at each other. "You know," Izzie said, thoughtfully. "I think Meredith is the happiest she has been in a long time."

George stared at her. "Izzie, she just came in here to yell at us."

"Exactly. It takes a lot of happy for Meredith Grey to realize that the other people in the world have problems, and more than that, that she can tell them how to fix them."

George shook his head. "Maybe," he said. "But I can't remember a time when Meredith refused to help when she saw someone needed it. So maybe it's some of both."

Izzie paused to think about that, sitting back against the couch, and she was about to say something else, when she heard Alex coming down the stairs.

"Want to go get a drink?" he asked, just barely turning towards her.

"Me?" she asked, unsure. He was out the door without responding, but George looked from her to the door encouragingly, and Izzie jumped up, barely pausing to grab her jacket before running after Alex.

**A/N **First off, that was an onslaught of Author Alert adds. Also, in the reviews for the last chapter, it was really interesting to see your reactions. Some sided with Meredith, some with Derek and I thought that was interesting.

Also, one or two of you thought Lexie was being shoved onto Meredith. Maybe so, but Lexie's pretty alone at the moment, and she turned to the only person she could. And I like her. :) Still, interesting. I love that about Grey's; everyone sees it differently and yet adores it.


	11. Coming Around Again

"Tell me why we agreed to do this here?" Meredith demanded of Derek, as she stood over the kitchen counter with the rag she was using to wipe it down suspended in one hand and the bottle of cleaner in the other.

"Because you are a glutton for punishment," commented Cristina, who was sitting at the kitchen table reading a magazine her broken leg propped up on a chair.

Derek, who was standing next to Meredith, looked back at Cristina, and Meredith noticed something odd about the look, and remembered that he seemed to have been giving Cristina odd looks all afternoon.

"What I don't understand," Derek said, "Is why you won't let me clean."

"You cook, I clean, remember?" Meredith countered.

"But you have been cleaning all day."

Meredith shrugged. "Yeah, other parts of the house. I saved the kitchen for last. Besides, not all day. I spent a while buying baby clothes with your credit card."

"That's good," Derek said absent-mindedly.

Meredith looked at him questioningly. "What is going on with you?" she demanded.

"He probably was planning on screwing you on the counter as soon as I left the room, but now he can't because he knows you'd be annoyed if he got it dirty," Cristina commented dryly.

Meredith looked at Derek, not doubting Cristina's observation.

"That's not it. Listen, Mer, can I talk to you really quickly? It's…work related."

"Oh no, we don't want Cardio to find out the secrets of the Neurosurgery department." Derek turned to Cristina and laughed nervously. Meredith stared at him and nodded slowly.

" Okay," she said. "We'll be in the study," she told Cristina as she took Derek's hand and led him down the hall.

"Meaning she's decided to let you get your desks dirty, Shepard."

"You're not funny, Cristina!" Meredith called. When they got in the study with the door close, she turned to Derek and put a hand to his forehead.

"I'm not feverish," he said, jerking away irritably. "I just have something to tell you."

"Something you couldn't say in front of Cristina? Must be important," Meredith said, as she sank into the armchair in the corner of the study they had left for reading. There was a lamp next to it and she reached up to turn it on. Derek sat on the floor next to her, and she pulled his head against her legs, running her fingers through his hair. "Tell away," she said.

Derek took a breath. "Burke," he said.

Meredith leaned forward, looking down at him in shock. "Burke? As in Preston Burke? What about him?"

Derek looked up at her imploringly. "He's in Seattle. Richard called him in to work with Hahn on a case, and I didn't know until today. Of course, everyone was saying that it was a good thing that Cristina was off. Even Richard told me privately that he was going to ask another doctor, until Cristina's accident. But then, Burke cornered me at lunch. He told me that he had been to his apartment and Cristina was not there, just Callie and Hahn (something that bothered him very much, Hahn being in his apartment)."

"You didn't tell him she was here, did you?" Meredith asked, biting her lip in anxiety about the answer.

"No, of course not. But apparently Hahn let it slip."

Meredith groaned. "The one time, the one time in the history of ever that they are actually at the apartment. Cristina told me that's why Callie's such a good roommate, ever since Hahn got a place they're never there."

Derek shrugged. "I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea for him to come over, but you know how he is. He gets an idea in his head and…" Derek trailed off.

"Yeah," Meredith said quietly. "Yeah I know. Crap." She thought for a minute, searching for a solution. "We could get her out of the house… a movie or… something."

"At this hour? Plus, you know she wouldn't go."

"Yeah," Meredith sighed. That was one thing about Cristina; she refused point-blank to allow people to see her weak. She had gotten a walking cast the day before, and was doing better at hobbling around the house, but she absolutely refused to go anywhere, even when Meredith offered to buy her lunch.

"We may just have to stand back and let…. whatever happens happen," Derek said slowly.

Meredith shook her head. "I'm her person. I'm supposed to protect her from things like this. She protected me from you when we weren't together."

Derek flinched. "Yeah, that's true, but it's been so long. What if he's changed?"

"What if he hasn't?"

Derek did not have an answer for that.

Meredith pondered for a minute. "Well, I can try to do something," she finally said. "Help me up."

Derek stood, and held out his hands. She placed her hands in his and let him haul her up from the chair.

"I feel like a whale," she grumbled.

Derek smiled softly, and held her against her. Her head rested on his chest, but the babies were an obvious barrier to her being as close to him as she wanted. "You're doing beautifully, Mer," Derek murmured. "I haven't told you that in a while. You've made it almost seven months."

"I know," she replied. "I'm ready for it to be over. But I'm also scared out of my mind," she admitted.

"Me too," Derek said into her hair. "Me too." They stayed like that for a few moments, with Derek rocking Meredith gently back and forth, the Meredith pulled away.

"Okay," she said. "I need to go try to avoid disaster."

She went back into the kitchen with Derek following.

"That was a quickie," Cristina muttered with a snicker.

"We didn't—never mind. Listen, Cristina, would you ride to the store with me?" Meredith asked. "I'm dying for something salty. Like those little goldfish crackers or whatever. And I need to get out of the house."

""No. Aren't those the things you're supposed to eat once you have kids, not before? Make the one with the dick go."

"Did you miss the 'need to go out of the house part'? I'd do it for you! I did do it for you."

"You would and you did. Make doe-eyes go with you."

Meredith let out a grunt of frustration. "Come _on,_ Cristina. Please?"

Cristina turned to her and closed the magazine. Meredith's hopes lifted. "I said no. Now why are you so eager to get me out of her anyway? Are he and doe-eyes having an affair you don't want me to know about or something?"

Derek, who had picked up where Meredith left off on the counter while she was cajoling Cristina, answered, "Definitely not."

"Derek. Put that stuff down, I'll do it. Come on, Cristina. Please?" Meredith said, pouting.

"Meredith, I told you—".

Then the doorbell rang and they all jumped.

"I'll get it," Derek said instantly.

Meredith nodded, staring at Cristina. She knew that there was no longer anything she could do, so she just stood there. The babies were moving like crazy, and normally she found that reassuring, no matter what was going on (unless she was trying to sleep), but even that did not take away from the feeling of dread.

"Cristina I—" she started to say, but then Derek reappeared.

"Cristina, someone to see you," he said. "I… I told them to wait in the living room."

Cristina looked back and forth between Meredith and Derek, and her mouth formed an 'o' of recognition, then she pressed it closed and nodded. Slowly she stood up, limping. She let the sleeves of the sweatshirt she wore fall over the cast on her wrist and made her way in silence out of the room. Meredith looked after her, watching the sliding door to the living room that they always left open, close.

"It's up to them," Derek murmured, coming up behind her and rubbing her shoulders. "Come on, let's go argue over baby names some more." Meredith laughed and before she knew it, Derek had picked her up.

"Put me down!" she protested, laughing, as her arm went around Derek's neck. "I'm pregnant with twins, you idiot, I'm fat!"

"No you're not," Derek chided. "The doctor says you're fine. And I say you're perfect." He kissed her, and then began to carry her towards the study. Meredith still didn't think he should be doing it, but she felt safe in his arms, and so she nuzzled her face against his neck.

They had reached the foyer when the doorbell rang. Derek looked down at her, and she shrugged. Instead of putting her down, he maneuvered so that she could reach out and grab the doorknob. She giggled, and pulled it open.

George stood there, shifting anxiously from foot to foot. He smiled shyly when he saw them.

"Thanksgiving's tomorrow, O'Malley," Derek reminded him, smirking.

"Yeah, yeah I know that," George said. "I was wondering if…" he took a breath and raised his head, meeting Meredith's eyes. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, and he looked anxious, but his gaze was steady. "If Lexie was in."

"Put me down," Meredith said to Derek.

He obeyed. "Come in and close the door, George," he said quietly. "Meredith doesn't need to be in the cold with no shoes on."

George nodded and came in. Meredith reached up and put a hand on his shoulder, holding his gaze. "Are you going to hurt her, George? Tell me now."

He shook his head. "I really hope not," he said. "I don't want to."

"Okay," Meredith said. She backed away, leaning against Derek's chest. "She's upstairs, second door on the right." George nodded in thanks and began to go up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

She led Derek into the study and closed the door, collapsing onto the chair once again.

"Think that's going to turn out okay?" he asked, settling on the floor and pulling the baby name book off of a side table.

Meredith shrugged. "We'll see. I know she got the same look on her face this morning when 'These Times They Are A-Changing' came on the radio this morning as I used to whenever 'Rock the Casbah' came on at Joe's."

Derek nodded, and flipped open the book. Meredith was grateful that he did not push that issue any further.

"What do you bet George and Burke had one of their man-talks about 'owning up to mistakes' or something else ridiculous like that today?" Meredith asked.

"Pretty good odds, I'd say. Chloe?" he said, aloud. Meredith was not really listening to him though, her mind was in the other rooms of the house, wondering what was going on.

/ / / /

Cristina did not want to do this. She did not want to have the talk with the man who was sitting across from her in Meredith's armchair. She particularly did not want to have this talk when she was sitting with her foot propped on a pillow, and her sore wrist resting gently on the arm of the couch. It did not matter to her that, once, they had seen each other in far worse predicaments of weakness. She was supposed to be strong now that he was gone.

"When I heard," Burke said, jarring her out of her thoughts, "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Well, you can see," Cristina said, staring at the picture that hung on the wall above his head. What in the world had Meredith put a picture of he Space Needle up there? She could see it any time she wanted. It was probably Shepard. Shepard and his fascination with ferryboats and all other things Seattle.

"Yes," he cleared his throat. "I can. I… those stairs are tricky, I very nearly did the same thing on more than one occasion."

"But you didn't. That was my stupid move."

"It was an accident, they happen. I'm glad to see you're healing well."

"Oh, save it," Cristina snapped. "You were going to come before you found out about my tumbling act. Why are you here?"

He smiled a little, and she hated that it too effort for her not to smile back at him. She hated him, she was fully aware of that. However, a tiny piece of her, a very tiny piece, still lived in the time when she… didn't.

"I...had a surgery. Before I heard that you were out, I was going to ask you to scrub in."

"I would have said 'no'," she retorted, wondering at the same time if she would have.

"I know. But I still would have asked."

"Why?"

"Because…because when I am in the OR, I look up expecting to see you across from me. Because when one of my interns says something ignorant I look for you to laugh and give the right answer. Because in bed at night I almost think that I can feel you next to me, but you're not there."

"Am I supposed to cry you a river now? Confess that that's all I wanted you to say and take you back? Because that's not going to happen."

"I never expected it to… I just…"

"You just what? You just what?" Cristina asked, angrily. "You just? Well let me tell you what you 'just' did. You won the Harper-Avery. You won the damned Harper-Avery, because of me, yet you never mentioned me once. If… if it's true. If you missed me, then that might have been a good way to show me. Or at least, a better way than this.

"I might have missed you, Burke. I might have missed you, over a year ago. But that? I stopped missing you."

She didn't know what she expected him to do when she told him that. She was not expecting him to bow his head, resting his face in his hands.

It was nearly a full minute before he looked up, and she took the time to study it. He wore a sand-colored sweater that she had seen him wear many times before. She thought that the black slacks were new. The shoes were familiar as well.

"I didn't want that award, Cristina," he said, finally. "They gave it to me anyway. One does not reject the Harper-Avery. They wanted a statement, so I gave it. I should have mentioned you. I know that. They did not want to hear, though, that I was not solely responsible for what I had done. They were far more interested in the surgeries, in the coming back after being shot. They copied down every word I said, many of them having to do with the bright, promising, Seattle Grace intern who had been with me on the way. It's not my fault that this is not what they decided to focus on."

"It's not enough."

"I know that."

"How long are you in town?"

"Until Sunday. Assuming my patient is okay."

Cristina nodded slowly. "You should come tomorrow. Shepard and Meredith are hosting Thanksgiving. It should be amusing."

"Are you sure?"

"Would I say it if I weren't sure?"

"Okay then. I'll be here."

"We're eating at seven," Cristina offered.

Burke nodded, and stood. "Good bye, Cristina."

Cristina merely nodded in response, and listened as he left the room, and opened and closed the front door. After a few moments, she stood up with some difficulty and began to make her way slowly to the bedroom that was temporarily hers. Once there, she shut the door, and sat on the end of the bed, resting her head in her hands. She knew that she would not sleep that night.

/ / / /

Lexie did not hear the door open to her room. She had not brought much from the apartment, but her iPod had been in her purse and sometimes when Meredith and Derek's cuteness was just too much and Cristina's sarcasm grated on her nerves, she retreated to a land of loud, screaming, heavy metal. Because of this, she jumped a mile when a hand came down on her shoulder.

"Relax," someone murmured as she yanked the earbuds out of her ears. She stood up from the bed, and backed up against the wall when she realized it was George.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded. "Did Meredith let you in? I'll kill her." Lexie clenched her fists in front of her.

"Don't kill Meredith," George said, gently. "I don't think Shepard could handle two kids on his own."

Lexie almost laughed. She had no idea what possessed her, but she almost laughed. She did not laugh, though. She kept glaring at him.

"Lexie," he began, walking around the bed.

"Stay there!" she said, picking up a pillow and brandishing it. She knew how stupid she looked, but she could not let him get closer. Because if he got closer, she would be thinking about his arms around her and that would not be a good plan.

"Okay," he said, backing off and leaning against the dresser. "I'll stay here, and you can stay…wherever you want. I just want to talk."

"Okay," she echoed, sitting down on the head of the bed. "Talk."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I know that I did. I'm sorry for that. I should have talked you instead of just leaving like that. It was… habit. A stupid habit, but habit. You deserved… you deserve better than that."

She couldn't look at him. She stared at the floor, too afraid of what was coming.

"But what I said, it was true. I needed to think. Time to think is difficult to come by, in our lives. You know that. But I figured, Alex and Izzie were together so there wouldn't be much distraction for me at the townhouse. I wasn't expecting to walk head-on into their drama. But I can promise you, whatever there was before with me and Izzie… we're just friends now. We've been just friends for a long time. She was…she was my best friend. I wanted there to be more, and so I found it. I was afraid of doing that with you, and then hurting you."

"You were afraid of finding more with me?"

"No. I was afraid that I would want there to be more so badly that I would find something that wasn't there. I wanted… I want there to be more with you, Lexie."

Lexie looked up, hesitantly, and just for a second.

"Can I sit down?"

She shrugged. "Suit yourself."

The bed shifted as he sat at the end, not close to her, but not too far either. "Lexie, I'm not going to say that I love you. I don't know if I do. I think I could. I know… I know that I love your smile. I love that you're persistent. I love that you try to see the good in things. I love that even with your optimism, you have a dark sense of humor. I love that you never let things, things that would break other people, get you down. I love a lot of things about you."

"But you don't love me," she said cautiously.

"Not yet. But I could. I want to." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him reach out and felt his hand on her shoulder. "But I have to ask you, if you could let me. Let me try. Let us try together."

Lexie sat stiffly with his hand on her, trying to piece her thoughts together outside of the heat that was radiating from his hand and making her want to turn and kiss him and forget. Finally she got the courage to look over her shoulder and meet his eyes.

"I want to try," she admitted softly. "I want to. But I can't just start where we left off."

"I know. I don't expect you to. We'll take it slow. I've moved my stuff back to the apartment," he admitted.

Her pulse quickened, and she nodded. "So... okay. I can do that. I can do that too and then… we'll just…"

"We'll just see where it goes, okay? We have time. I'm not going anywhere."

"I can't believe that yet," Lexie said, sadly.

"I know. I won't expect you to."

Lexie nodded again. "You say all the right things," she admitted. "You are a good guy, George. I know that. I've always known that."

"It's a step, then," he said. "And tomorrow after Thanksgiving we can go home. You'll be here, right?"

Lexie nodded. "My family thinks I'm on-call. I didn't want—I wanted to be here."

He looked concerned, but he backed away, knowing that for now that was not his territory. "Okay," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow." He stood, and laid a chaste kiss on the top of her head.

Unexpectedly, even to her, she reached out and grabbed his hand, using it to pull herself up. She leaned up and tentatively met his lips with hers. She kissed him hard, fighting the urge to push him back onto the bed. Instead, she broke the kiss after just a moment and looked away.

"Go," she said.

"Good night, Lexie," he whispered, as he closed the door behind him. Lexie sat back on the bed, and flopped over onto her side. Her mind was a mess of emotions. She was confused, definitely. And scared, and unsure. But for some reason, she couldn't keep a smile from her face and she had to work very hard not to squeal into her pillow as she would have done were she still thirteen instead of more than twice that.

/ / / /

It was late, but Meredith was awake. The babies wouldn't quiet down, not even when she had done the "lullaby songs with headphones on her belly" thing that usually calmed them down, and always kind of freaked her out. She had so many pillows piled around her that there was barely room for Derek, but she was careful to shift them so that she could get up without waking him.

She crept carefully down the stairs, and into the foyer, her mind intent on what sat on the third shelf of the refrigerator. She knew that Derek had tried to put it in there without her noticing, but if he had really thought about that, he would not have put it on the same shelf as the strawberry jelly, something that she could not get enough of lately.

She looked over her shoulder as she flicked on the kitchen light, just in case Derek had followed her, but there was no sign of him. She made her way over to the fridge and yanked it open, smiling to herself as she gleefully pulled the pumpkin pie out and put it on the counter.

She was pulling a knife out of the butcher block when a voice startled her. "Going to share that?"

"Ack!" Meredith cried, turning to see Lexie, who was pulling out a chair.

"Whoa, chill. That thing can do more damage than a scalpel," Lexie said, as she pulled her legs up onto the chair and wrapped her arms around them.

Meredith smirked and went over to the cabinet, pulling down two plates. She cut into the pie, watching Lexie cautiously. Her sister was resting her head on her elbows, pushing her dark hair behind her ears. It was as she was carrying the plates over that Meredith noticed something she had never seen before.

"Lexie? Is that a tattoo on your shoulder?" she asked, glancing at the black star that was visible under the strap of Lexie's black tanktop.

Lexie smiled guiltily, as she put the first bite of pie in her mouth and nodded. "College," she said by way of explanation. Meredith nodded and smiled happily as she too took a mouthful of pie.

"Is this a secret sister thing, or can anyone join?"

They both turned guiltily to see Cristina closing the door to her bedroom.

"It's a men are stupid thing," Lexie answered. "They mess with your heads and get you knocked up, and do other dumb things."

"In that case," Cristina said, as Meredith got up to cut another slice of pie for her. "I'm in. By the way," she said as Meredith set the pie down and went to the refrigerator in search of whipped cream, "Burke's coming to dinner tomorrow."

Emerging with the spray can, Meredith wondered if she were supposed to be more surprised by that statement than she was.

"I'm going back to the apartment tomorrow, too," Lexie admitted softly. "To try."

Meredith nodded, and put a hand on Lexie's wrist. "Trying is good," she said, encouragingly.

"But not always successful," another voice said, causing all three women to look up guiltily. "Like, I tried to make sure that we would have dessert for our guests tomorrow, but it looks like I failed at that."

Derek came over and looked at the already half-empty pie tin. Shaking his head at Meredith he took the knife and cut a fourth piece. After he had gotten a plate, she helpfully held up the whipped cream.

When he took it from her, she realized that she did not like the sly look on his face. "Oh, no. Derek…" she said, and then shrieked as he shook the can and sprayed it onto her nose.

Lexie and Cristina burst out laughing, and Derek grinned, looking very satisfied with himself, as he leaned into lick the whipped cream off of her nose. When he was distracted doing this, Lexie took the whipped cream out of his hand, and put it the hand that Meredith reached out from her. She pulled away from Derek, and held the can up, aiming right for his face.

"You wouldn't—" he said, just as she did.

"This means war," she declared. "Lexie, there's another can in the fridge."

Soon the two cans were being snatched from hand to hand. Lexie and Derek chased each other around the kitchen, as his spurts of whipped cream stained her black shirt. Meredith and Cristina, less able to run, squirted at each of them whenever they passed by.

After one lap of the kitchen, during which Lexie stepped onto a stool and onto the island counter, she jumped down and threw open the pantry, discovering a bag of marshmallows on a shelf. "Cristina, catch," she cried, tossing it to Cristina. Meredith had just a moment to be grateful that the two were getting along, before she was hit by a maelstrom of pelted marshmallows.

"Derek!" she cried. Laughing, he scooped her up, and placed her on the couter, where she hid behind him, watching.

"Come on, Grey, go for it," Cristina taunted. She and Lexie faced each other, each holding a can of whipped cream. Lexie looked nervous, Meredith could see. Her finger was unsteady on the top of the bottle. "What's amatter? Chick--" Cristina was cut off by a stream of whipped cream landing in her mouth. Meredith and Derek burst into laughter, as Lexie turned and ran, thrusting the whipped cream at Derek and perching next to Meredith.

"I am not protecting you with the bulk of your niece and nephew," Meredith told her, as Cristina advanced on them, one hand clutching the island for support and the other with the whipped cream. She took aim and squirted over Derek's shoulder, but all that came out was a stream of air.

This made Meredith and Lexie laugh so hard that both nearly lost their balance. Meredith was still laughing when Derek lifted her down.

"Well," Lexie said as they returned to their abandoned pie, "We could always huff it now."

They stared at her. "What?" she said, putting a bite of pie in her mouth, "I was joking."

It was Cristina who spoke, "I think I misjudged you, Grey."

Lexie shrugged. Meredith started laughing, and then looked over at the counter. "Oh my god, this kitchen is a mess!" she exclaimed. "I just cleaned it!"

"Relax, Mer," Derek said, "I'll take care of it."

"You have a good one," Lexie pointed out, as they watched Derek attack the kitchen.

Meredith nodded. "I do," she admitted.

Later, after the kitchen and they were cleaned up, Meredith and Derek lay in bed, once again surrounded by pillows.

"We'll have to get something else for dessert tomorrow," Meredith murmured sleepily.

"No we won't," Derek replied. "I got two. The other one's still out in my car."

Meredith turned to him. He was grinning cockily. She tried to scowl, but couldn't. Instead, she just shook her head and kissed him.

A/N Review please :) Sorry this is later than usual, i was out of town again! PS Holy reviews, Readers! this is so far the most I've gotten (with the exception of My Mother's Daughter, but hey who doesn't love Hannah?), particularly ten chapters in! Thank you!!


	12. Here We Go

"I'm sorry, Dr. Grey, but it is in your best interest and that of the babies. With the vaginal bleeding that you have had, and the need to give the babies the optimal chance to get as close to term as possible, you are going to have to go on bed rest until they come."

Those were the words that the doctor had said on the day after Thanksgiving, when Meredith and Derek had rushed to scrub out of surgery and go upstairs for her appointment. Meredith felt numb after the proclamation, sitting on the exam table, with Derek next to her, holding her hand.

"We knew it was coming, Mer," he'd reminded her softly, his breath tickling her neck. "Richard would have made you take off soon anyway."

She'd nodded and allowed him to help her put on her shoes as the doctor explained what she was to do and not to do while she was stuck at home. Stairs were okay, light cleaning if she had to. Cooking was a no, (Derek had interrupted with a "we know that"). The talk had been accompanied with a "Some Things To Do While You're Waiting for Baby!" printout that was framed with Sesame Street characters.

A few hours and one meeting with the chief later, Meredith was on maternity leave, with Derek back at the hospital. Lying on the sofa, clicking through TV channels, she had already felt stir crazy.

The house was much too quiet, after the lively Thanksgiving Day. Burke and Izzie had taken over the kitchen, with Cristina pointedly not being in the same room with Burke until they sat down to dinner and then sitting on the opposite end of the table from him, yet she kept giving him these looks that Meredith could not read.

Lexie had allowed George into her room to help her pack up her things, and when Meredith had wandered upstairs to find the latest ultrasound picture to show Izzie, she had found them sitting on Lexie's bed, talking, one of George's hands hovering gently over one of her sisters. When everyone had gone home, she and Derek stood at the door and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Noisy enough for you?" he had asked, kissing the top of her head and running his hand over the spot.

"Mmm, yes," she murmured. "And yet, not."

"Not?"

"I think next year will be much noisier."

Nearly a month later, she had put all of the baby pictures she had found in albums, sorted through the piles of medical journals that she and Derek had accumulated, figured out all the insurance and 'worst case scenario' plans that the baby books suggested (a task that had left her crying so hard that Derek was afraid she'd set herself off into premature labor.). She had also made Derek bring medical texts home from his office, and she spent hours studying those.

"You can take a break," he had suggested gently one afternoon when he came home to find her surrounded by highlighters.

She had put the book she was looking at done and shook her head. "Yeah… but I hate not working. I want to be there, doing things. Not here just…waiting. I'm bad at waiting."

Derek climbed onto the bed next to her, and put his arm around her shoulders. "Actually, I'd say that you're not so bad at waiting, actually."

"Mmm," Meredith had nestled close to him. "Well, sometimes it pays off."

By two days before Christmas, Meredith had done nearly everything on the print out, avoiding only the "Make a family tree to share with your child!" option. She would let Derek do that for his side of the family. The "Mommy's family" thing would be one of those 'when you're older' talks.

"You do know that there were perfectly good boxes of ornaments in the attic at the townhouse," Meredith said, as Derek came in carrying two huge bags full of ornament boxes. He had snow in his hair, and Meredith looked out the window jealously. She loved snow, loved it even more than rain, but she hadn't so much as been outside when it was flurrying.

"I know," Derek replied, putting his coat in the hall closet. "There are some in our attic here. But this is our first Christmas together, and I want this tree to be just ours."

"Mmm," Meredith said. "So, so sappy."

"I know. So I'm going to make you hot chocolate, and you can tell me where to put things on the tree," he said.

A few minutes later, Meredith sat on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket and sipping on a mug of hot chocolate.

"It's so quiet here," she commented to Derek, as he brought in a ladder to but a star on top of the tree.

"I like it. I mean, it's not going to last long," he pointed out.

"Yeah. Yeah. We may never have quiet again if these two move as much in the real world as they do right now."

Derek chuckled. He climbed down from the ladder and coming over to her. He leaned down and kissed the side of her neck. She leaned against him, smiling. He moved his kisses further down her neck, running his hand over her breasts. "I miss you," he whispered. "I am very, very excited about our two bundles of joy; but I will also be glad when we can do things again."

"Things?" Meredith murmured.

"Things," he echoed. "Very good things. Things that I like to do to you."

Meredith let out a small sigh and pushed him back. "Damn doctors, and their rules," she said. "But remind me to remind people of this next time they claim our relationship is based on sex alone."

Derek murmured in agreement going back to the tree to continue hanging glass balls on the branches.

"Cristina came over today," Meredith said, sipping from the mug. "And it took me an hour to get her to talk about Burke."

"What did she say?"

"Not much. They're apparently talking on the phone, but that's it. I don't know what's going to happen there. It's been so long." Meredith sighed, then said thoughtfully, "She said something to me today… something very un-Cristina."­

"What's that?"

"She said… well… the day of her wedding, I told her that seeing her get married gave me hope for…for people like us. I mean, if she could get her happily ever after so could I. But then she didn't."

"And you did."

Meredith nodded. "Yeah. Just when she was recovering from all the Burke stuff. When he didn't even mention her when receiving the Harper-Avery; but you and I were curing tumors and building houses."

"Did Cristina Yang actually admit that she was jealous?"

"Mmm, not in those words, no. She said something like she wasn't sure… that we were the same. She and I, I mean. Because she was still dark and twisty and I wasn't as much…"

"Was she not there during all the 'I am not the kind of girl who settles down' freak outs?" Derek asked, dryly. "Or the long, winding road towards becoming Derek and Meredith again?"

"I don't know. I think she just decided that she and I couldn't relate anymore and she did not stop to think about it. She still cared, obviously, I mean she made me take the baby test, but she did not see me as the same person."

"Are you?" Derek came over and sat down at the sofa, by her feet. She stretched and rested them on his lap.

"Hmm. I don't know. I'm not the same as I was when she broke up with Burke, but I don't think even she wants that. I'm…" she trailed off. "Okay. I'm just going to say this. It may hurt you, and I'm sorry, but you asked."

"Okay. Say it. You can say anything to me, Meredith."

"Yeah. Okay. Well I feel like more… more the person I was when I first met you. There was dark and twisty, and mommy problems, but I was not dealing with them. I spent med-school studying. Learning how to be a grown-up and not a party-girl with a bad reputation and a bad attitude. And I started to believe in happily ever after. So that's who I was when Cristina and I became friends. But she forgot that. She thought that once I became happy with you again I was going to be someone different, because dark and sad and broken Meredith had been around for so long."

She looked at Derek, who was looking at the lights twinkling on the Christmas tree.

"But even though, now, I feel like I did then, at the beginning. I know I'm a lot better. I'm whole. I know now that I'm not worthless. That you love me. That people will be there for me. I learned that it is okay to let people in. and that's a lot further down the right track than I would have been otherwise, even with the brokenness in the middle. You made me believe I deserve things, Derek," she added. "That's why I broke so much. Because you made me think I deserved things. I'm not sure I would ever have made it this far without you. I'd probably be my mother, all wrapped up in surgery and nothing else."

She reached over, taking Derek's hand. "But instead, I've got you, and we've got a house and we're going to have babies. And I wake up some mornings, and I'm scared. Scared because this was not the life that Meredith Grey was ever going to get. But here I am. And then you smile at me and it's all okay again. Because we're here together."

Derek looked over at her and smiled. "Yeah. We are. I'm definitely different than I was. But I'm a much better person for having met you, Meredith Grey. And together we'll be good for our children."

"You hear that kids?" Meredith said, addressing her belly. "Your daddy and I are going to be trying our hardest." She sighed. "I guess whatever we do will be better than some parents…" she did not say her mother, it sounded unfair to the woman who had been so broken herself, but Derek knew what she meant.

With a tilt of his head he met her eyes. "I'd say that you turned out okay in the end anyway," he said. Meredith shyly met his eyes and smiled.

/ / / / /

Izzie decided to take the presents she had bought for her friends over to Meredith's house and pile them under the tree on Christmas Eve, so that there would be that element of excitement when everyone saw presents there, instead of the confusion of carrying them in before they got down to opening them. When he saw her leaving, Alex stopped her and came out with a bag full of boxes himself.

"Really? Dirty Uncle Sal bought Christmas presents?" Izzie asked.

Alex turned red and nervously scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah well… I got something for the kids… and I got something for you."

Izzie smiled and kissed him after he had put the bag in the trunk of her car. Her hands lingered on his chest. He did not smile at her, but his eyes held longing for her, and that spoke volumes, as did his finger gently touching the top of her hand. He was still nervous around her, unsure, but they were getting there. They were trying, at least.

"Sure you don't want to go with me?"

"And have Meredith tease me about being 'Uncle Alex' some more? No thanks."

"You have a thing for babies, and you know it," Izzie teased.

"For babies, maybe," Alex admitted. "For their scary mothers? Not really." He opened the car door for her and she slid in.

"I'll be sure to tell Meredith you said that," she assured him and he flinched.

"Yeah, please don't," he said. "The last thing I want to do is incite more 'scary hormonal Meredith rage'."

"Oh, I don't know," Izzie said, with a smile. "Scary hormonal Meredith rage did us good the last time."

In the car, she sang along to her favorite Christmas hits CD. This Christmas had the potential to be a very good Christmas. Even the people who were usually Christmas downers, like Alex and Meredith, were cheerful. Meredith had even let her use their new state-of-the-art oven to bake Christmas cookies, although that may have been just so that she could have company at the house.

Izzie maneuvered up the path to the driveway of the house, noting that the lack of neighbors would be good for when they had two screaming babies. She also knew that with Meredith and Derek it would be good for…other things. She had gotten a lot more sleep since they stopped spending the night at the townhouse.

She opened the door with the hidden key, whose location Shepard had revealed so that Meredith wouldn't be getting up to open the door. She wondered why they even bothered to lock it, since there was little chance a robber would even know that the house was here, but Shepard was fairly overprotective when it came to Meredith.

Izzie unloaded the presents first, stacking them under the tree in such a way as to make them the most aesthetically pleasing. She liked the mixture of red, green, silver and gold wrapping paper. Alex's packages had obviously been store-wrapped and they looked nice against the blinking lights of the tree. Satisfied with her work, she then went upstairs to find Meredith. She had patient stories for her, and Meredith loved patient stories when she was not at the hospital. Her eyes would get big and entranced whenever someone told her about a difficult medical case, and Izzie knew that she would be relieved to go back to work, although maybe not as much as she thought she would once the babies came.

"Mer?" she called, at the top of the staircase.

"In the nursery!" Meredith called back.

Izzie went in, about to chide Meredith for not being in bed, but she saw that Meredith was sitting in the rocking chair, one of the teddy bears that they had bought for the cribs in her arms.

"Hey, Iz," Meredith said, and Izzie noticed she was out of breath. "I'm glad you're here. I… I think I'm in labor."

Izzie's eyes widened as she processed what Meredith said. "Seriously? Why didn't you call someone?"

"Yes, seriously. It just started a little while ago, and I wasn't sure, because I've been having Braxton-Hicks for weeks, but these aren't it. They're different and--." She paused midsentence and griped the arm of the chair as Izzie hurried over to put her hand on her shoulder. "They're twenty minutes apart." She finished. "Derek is supposed to be home soon, so I just thought I'd wait, but my water broke twenty minute ago and I couldn't figure out who to call so--."

Izzie stared at her. "Meredith. Seriously? You're in labor. You could have called anyone. If no one answered you could have paged Shepard out of surgery."

Meredith bit her lip. "I know. But that makes it real."

Izzie softened, squeezing her friend's shoulder; she remembered that feeling. "It is real, sweetie. Let me get your bag, and we'll go to the hospital. You do have a bag packed, right?"

"Yeah. I did it weeks ago," Meredith said. "It's in the closet, in Derek and my bedroom." Izzie nodded and went into the room across the hall. The bag was open, and Izzie knew Meredith had probably been throwing things into it as she remembered. On the top were two tiny hats that Izzie had given her weeks earlier. Izzie ran a finger over the tiny pink cap she had knit; reminded of another similar one she had made years and years ago.

"Okay!" she said, walking back to the nursery. "Let's get this show on the road." She held out an arm for Meredith to use to stand. She did, and followed Izzie, but lingered in the doorway. "What's up?" Izzie asked, turning back.

Meredith shook her head. "I can't believe it," she admitted. "The next time I come in here, I'll have two babies. They'll be here, in these rooms. In those cribs. This will be their room, where they'll grow up. It's so…weird." She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. Izzie nodded.

"It will be wonderful too," she murmured, touching a hand to Meredith's hair. "So let's go, so you can start bringing them into the world."

Meredith nodded, and together they descended the stairs and loaded into Izzie's car. "I should call Derek," Meredith said once they were on the street. "Can I borrow your phone? Mine's in my purse in the back." Izzie handed it to her, and watched out of the corner of her eye as Meredith dialed Derek's number and blew the hair out of her eyes.

"Umm… hi. Is Dr. Shepard there?...oh yeah. Okay. Well, when he gets out of surgery can you tell him to call Meredith? Make sure he does it before he leaves the hospital…no, no need to page him out… Okay, thanks." She closed the phone, handed it back to Izzie and leaned back in the seat, laughing.

"What's funny?"

"Apparently the lucky scrub nurse in charge of phone answering today was Rose," Meredith explained. "It's how karma works, after all."

Izzie laughed too, although she had always felt bad for the nurse. No one stood a chance when they came between Meredith and Derek. If Addison, the formidable force that she was, couldn't do it, then there was no way that anyone else could.

As they drove to the hospital, Izzie could tell that Meredith's contractions were getting worse. She did not say anything, but the look of fear in her eyes increased with each one, and the fact that she had three before they reached the emergency door of Seattle Grace meant that they were becoming more frequent.

A fourth one hit her as they were getting out of the car. Izzie had come around to Meredith's side of the car with her bags, and gently rubbed her back as Meredith stood stiffly and held onto the door. As they stood there, Meredith's phone rang, and Izzie pulled it out of her purse. The caller id read _Derek_.

"Hi, Dr. Shepard it's Izzie."

"Izzie? Is something wrong?" there was panic in Shepard's voice, and Izzie looked over to Meredith, standing next to her, her mouth in a tight line and the same panic in her eyes. Gently, Izzie took Meredith's hand.

"Um… no. But, I was over at your house this afternoon and Meredith went into labor. We just got to the hospital, so I'll get her checked in and you can meet us in the maternity ward."

"Oh my God. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Thanks Izzie. I'll…I'll see you then. Is she--?"

"She's okay, but I think she'll be better when she sees you," Izzie said.

"Yeah. I'll be right there," Derek said, and hung up.

"Thank you for not telling him that I was in labor before you got there," Meredith murmured, as the moved towards the ER.

"I figured it wouldn't help anything," Izzie said with a small smile. Once in the ER, the nurses recognized them and hurried them through triage and transported them to the maternity ward. Izzie was helping Meredith into the nightgown from her bag when there was a knock on the door and Shepard entered. Meredith's eyes lit up when she saw him, and he rushed over to hold her to him.

"I'll go find Dr. Sherman," Izzie said, to give them privacy.

"Thanks, Iz," Meredith said, over Shepard's shoulder. "Oh, and Izzie?"

"Yeah?"

"Come back, okay?" Meredith asked tentatively.

Izzie nodded, knowing that Meredith would want her people around her, at least at first. "Okay."

/ / / / /

"Six centimeters," Lexie murmured, closing her cell phone and putting it on the table next to the couch in Meredith's townhouse. She, Alex, George, Izzie and even Cristina had gathered there when Meredith had insisted that they should at least get some rest, since she was not going to.

"As cool as it is that these kids are coming on Christmas Eve," George commented, "It sucks that Mer and Derek won't get to see all the baby stuff people have inevitably gotten them for Christmas." He reached over and put an arm around Lexie. Tentatively, she rested her head on his shoulder, and then nestled down.

"Yeah," Izzie said, from the floor where she was leaning against Alex's legs. "And they'll be too busy for it anyway once they get the babies home. I should have figured that twins would come early before we decided to just give Christmas presents in lieu of a shower."

"It made sense at the time," Cristina reminded her. "Less stupid shower games."

"Well…" Alex said, leaning forward and resting his hands on the top of Izzie's head, making her laugh. "I don't know about you guys, but I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight. Let's go over there and put the stuff in the nursery or wherever. They'll probably appreciate it more if they're using it."

Lexie stared at him. "That may be the first compassionate, sensible thought I've ever heard you utter," she said, and the others laughed.

"Write it down," Cristina suggested. "So you can blackmail him with it later."

It was ten o'clock by the time they had all caravanned down to the house. George and Alex had loaded the rocking horse and boxes that Derek and Meredith had forgotten to get from the townhouse into the back of George's car, and they carried those up the stairs while Izzie, Lexie and Cristina went into the living room with the presents that had not yet been put under the tree.

"I guess we can just leave the ones not for the babies under the tree," Izzie said, as she pulled a present out of Lexie's bag, that was for George. "We can open them on New Year's or something."

Lexie nodded and began to sort through the piles. "It's a shame to unwrap them," she said, as she slid a finger under a piece of tape she had just put on a package the day before. "But Alex's right. It'll be better if they don't have to do it themselves."

"You know, I've been thinking," Cristina said.

"Dangerous."

"Shut up, Izzie. Anyway. If these kids are born on Christmas, which they probably will be since it's nearly midnight, then there will be birthday and Christmas presents to get for both of them. We're all going to go broke."

"Even you? The one the interns call the Ice Queen?" Izzie asked, pulling a baby blanket out of the tissue paper it was wrapped in.

"Yeah," Cristina said softly. "Even me."

"Maybe we can do a half-birthday thing," George suggested, coming downstairs followed by Alex.

"They will be _kids_ O'Malley. Say that and they'll expect double the presents on Christmas and in June," Alex pointed out.

Lexie laughed as she pulled the paper off of a gift for the twins from Alex. Her breath caught when she opened it. "Aw, Corduroy!" she exclaimed, holding up the framed picture. "Alex! It's so cute!"

Alex shrugged. "Yeah well, I liked it as a kid. O'Malley, help me find Shapard's tools and you can watch a man put together that highchair."

"I'm a man!" George protested, following. "What makes you think you'll be any better at putting together a highchair? It's not exactly rocket science."

The women laughed as the men disappeared.

"So, Lexie, is he a man?" Cristina asked. Lexie paused, straightening the bow on a stuffed lion.

"Oh," she said softly. "We haven't…we're taking it slow."

There was an awkward silence, until Izzie broke it. "Is it… are you guys doing okay?"

"Yeah. It's good. Very good."

"O'Malley! I said Phillips head! Geez, are you that ignorant?"

Izzie shook her head, and her eyes sparkled as she looked at the nursery stuff around them. "Come on," she said, tossing a pile of bibs into the bag that had held boxes not long before. "Let's go arrange this stuff while they kill each other with tools."

"Fun," Cristina said dryly. "Or not. I'm going to make coffee and watch them duke it out."

Izzie and Lexie shrugged and headed up the stairs. For the next hour, they hung pictures and a mobile, put up sleepers, diapers, bottles and bibs. Cristina brought up coffee, and sat on the floor rolling her eyes as Lexie and Izzie debated picture placement.

They all exclaimed over an intricate music box that was sitting on the dresser. "I think it's from Shepard's mother," Lexie said, opening the box and letting Brahm's Lullaby fill the room.

"It's nice," Alex said. "Ten bucks says they've destroyed it before their third birthday."

"I'll take those odds," Cristina said, with a laugh. "Make it their second."

Lexie smirked, "Anyone willing to bet against it?" she asked. No one spoke up.

They all ended up in the living room after the nursery was put together. Izzie cleaned up the wrapping paper and rearranged the presents that remained under the tree.

"You know," George said tiredly. "It's technically Christmas. We could open our presents now."

They looked around at each other. Izzie and Alex were on one sofa, George and Lexie on the other, while Cristina stretched out on the floor. Lexie bit her lip, and murmured noncommittally.

"It's strange," Cristina finally said, "But it seems weird without them."

"Yeah," Izzie agreed, leaning on Alex's shoulder. "We'll do it later."

Lexie nodded in agreement, and leaned against George's chest, closing her eyes. She had been asleep for a while, though it did not seem it, when her phone woke her. There were murmurs of annoyance from the others in the room, but when Lexie dug it out of her pocket and recognized Meredith's number she quickly opened it.

" 'lo?" she said sleepily.

"Lexie, it's Derek. You guys should come up soon, if you're coming. It shouldn't be much longer."

"Yeah, okay, we'll be there," Lexie said. She hung up and jumped to her feet, nearly falling over Cristina. "Okay guys!" she said. "It's baby time."

She didn't expect everyone to jump up as eagerly as she had, but she realized that they were even more connected to Meredith than she was. Soon they were all piled into two cars making their way to Seattle Grace.

When they got to the hospital, though, and headed back to Meredith's room, Lexie almost couldn't continue. They were still down the hall and they could hear Meredith crying. It did not seem right. She had been around plenty of births during her neonatal rotations, but there was a note of desperation in her sister's cries that she did not like. It was only George's hand on her back that propelled her forward and into the hospital room.

A/N Sorry there's not too much Thanksgiving. But…um….babies?


	13. Still Fighting It

In retrospect, Meredith would remember the beginning as being not so bad. The pains hurt, they definitely hurt, but she had a fairly good tolerance for pain of many kinds, and once Derek arrived she was okay. He sat next to the bed, and talked to her about the surgery he had just performed, and this kept her focused. Izzie came back and held her hand so that Derek could get something to eat, and Meredith realized just how much Izzie's bedside manner could comfort a patient.

At different points in the evening the others came in. George brought her flowers, Alex told her to call him if at any point she wanted someone to knock Shepherd out for getting her pregnant (Derek was not amused), and Lexie sat with her while Derek went to give his mother an update.

"She wants to come out and help after the babies are born," Meredith explained tiredly, leaning back on her pillows after a contraction. "And I can't exactly tell her 'no'".

"It'll be a good thing," Lexie reassured her. "Mom… when Laura was born, Molly always needed Mom's advice about things. And, I mean, since your baby experience is limited; it'll be good. Plus, if you need to escape her, I'll drive the getaway car."

"That's an offer I may have to hold you to," Meredith said with a laugh.

It was only once she sent her friends away that things began to get bad. She knew it was partly because of the lack of distractions, but her contractions were also more intense. The worst came just before the doctor came in and announced that she was six centimeters. When she left, Meredith let out an embittered laugh. "Six?" she muttered, "Seriously?"

She felt heat behind her eyes, and her throat began to swell, but she swallowed hard, trying to calm down. Crying was not going to help, after all. Derek had moved to a chair on the other side of her so that the nurses and doctors could get by and check the various monitors, but when he saw her expression, he stood and slid onto the bed, pulling her to him.

"Meredith? Listen to me, okay?"

"Yeah?"

"Everyone who will see you today knows that you are strong. Your friends, your doctors and especially I, know that you are stronger than most people could hope to be. So I want you to forget that Meredith instinct to be 'fine', because it is totally okay for you not to be fine. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," Meredith said hurriedly. "Of course." Inside, though, she could not take his words to heart. Somewhere in the back of her mind, there was her mother saying _crying won't get you anywhere_ when she scraped her knee on the playground.

After another hour, she was sitting up focusing on Derek's hands as he rubbed her back and trying not to give into the desire to scream with pain when a nurse came in to check her cervix. The nurse looked, and then looked back up at Meredith with a frown. "Still six, hun," she said, and left.

Meredith collapsed; exhausted, against Derek, and hot tears began streaming down her face. Derek stroked her forehead gently. "It's okay," he murmured, and though she did not know exactly what he was referring to, Meredith shook her head.

"It's not," she whispered. None of it was okay.

That conversation was the last part of the labor of which she had a coherent memory. Soon after that, the pains began to come in intense waves, with barely time to crash against the shore before another one rolled in. Meredith doubled over in the bed, the sheets tangled around her; Derek's arms the only thing that kept her connected to the world.

She was aware of nurses and the doctor coming in and out at intervals, but did not register what they said. She had a memory of looking up at Derek, and knowing full well how pitiful she was, saying, "I know it can't, but I really wish that it would stop."

"I know, sweetie," he murmured, tenderly fingering her cheek. "I know."

Although up until then the labor had taken hours, time seemed to then be moving as slow as if it were being dragged through mud by a snail, although later she was told it was only two hours between when moved away from the temporary plateau at six to when she reached nine centimeters.

She knew that Derek left the rooms, and the small part of her mind that was still rational knew he was calling the others, but the part of her that needed him to cling to, began to sob for him and fight back the nurses who tried to hold her. It was only Derek's return that stopped her thrashing, and she clung to him, soothed by the feel of his sweater against her face, his cologne a comfort when she had no other.

During the pains, she was becoming less and less attached to her surroundings, so that when her friends filed in she was only aware of them not being there, and then the red hot pain, and then there they were in the room. Izzie, always the comforter, had come straight to the bed and taken the hand that Derek did not hold, letting Meredith squeeze tightly as the pain wound down. Lexie helped her sit up, so that she could put Meredith's hair up, so it no longer fell sticky and sweaty around her face. Alex sat in a chair off to the side, not involved, but still comforting in his presence, and Cristina busied herself reading the monitors.

"You don't do sick," Meredith reminded her croakily, her voice hoarse from sobbing.

Cristina glanced over at her, and gave her a small smile, "I make exceptions," she replied.

"Okay," murmured Meredith, but the murmur escalated into a cry as the next pain began and she once again lost sense of things.

Things began to change. Derek sat behind her on the bed once more, so that her head was on his chest, her hand in his. The doctor was back, kneeling in front of Meredith's open legs. Meredith's eyes darted around the room for Alex and George, but they were standing near the head of the bed, pointedly not looking at the lower half of her body, which was beginning to pulse with pain, so she did not say anything to them about boy penises, instead she accepted the spoonful of ice chips Izzie offered her and tried her best to focus on what the doctor was saying.

"Push," was the only word she heard before the pain started to come back, but she tried to comply, letting Derek help her push up and squeezing the hands given to her. Her muscles did not seem to be obeying, and she cried out in pain and frustration, but when the pain stopped and they let her fall back against Derek everyone was nodding encouraging.

"That's it, Meredith," Izzie said. Meredith expected to be annoyed at Izzie and her perkiness, but the voice was not perky, it was just soothing and simple, like she knew that that was what Meredith needed at that moment. Meredith's memory flashed to a day when she had stood in a doorway, enviously watching her half-sister Molly be comforted by Susan. She had felt disloyal to her mother when she wished that she could have had that, but had also known that it just was not in her mother to be compassionate about things that she saw as 'non-dire'.

"Here we go again, Mer," Derek's voice broke into her thoughts, which between pain and exhaustion had taken her into a kind of momentary stupor.

"It hurts," she whimpered as they sat her up to push. Her muscles weren't doing all they should, she was aware of that, aware that a nurse was pushing on her abdomen to encourage the baby to come out, but everyone was still giving her encouraging looks, and telling her that she was doing great, so it could not have been that bad.

"Okay, Dr. Grey," the doctor said after what seemed like a very long time, and for some reason being called 'Dr. Grey' made her better able to focus, to pull her away from misery and pain and to let her listen. "The first baby's head is beginning to appear. So just keep doing what you're doing, okay? You're nearly there."

Meredith wanted to point out that she was not 'nearly there', because there were two babies, but she just nodded.

Her eyes met Lexie's. Lexie was standing just next to Izzie, holding one of Meredith's feet, and Meredith wanted to tell her that she wished that Lexie's mother were here, her 'fake mommy' or that her mother were here, because even her mother's stiff 'you can do this, I raised you for this' encouragement like she had given her the morning of the SATs would be welcome, but then there was pain and she forgot her thought.

The next thing she was aware of was the squall of a baby. There was a change of energy in the room, Derek was smiling and kissing her forehead. "It's our girl, Mer," he said into our ear.

"Casey," she said shakily, "Casey Elizabeth." They had only decided on names two days before, but when she caught a glimpse of her daughter in a nurse's arms, her arms flailing as she cried, she could not think of anything else. That was her name.

The elation that had filled the room, though, fell away as the next pain though. Meredith heard words like 'bleeding' and 'breach' and 'caesarian'.

"No," she moaned, but no one seemed to be listening to her. She did not want a caesarian; she knew the side effects, the recovery time. It was too much. She wanted to have the babies and take them home, not have added weeks of difficulty and recovery because of surgery. Wasn't having two babies enough as a hassle?

But the room was filled with concerned voices, and the beeping of monitors, and no one, not even Derek who had slid out from behind her and was standing next to her clutching her hand was listening to her.

She began to sob, and thrash. She saw a nurse coming towards her with a syringe and she threw herself away from her, hitting her arm against the rail of the bed.

"Meredith, sweetie, calm down," Derek's voice reached her ears, but it was not calming. Izzie's strong hands were on her shoulders, but Meredith would not settle. Her body was moving on it's own, in tiny spurts under Izzie's strong arms. It was only when Cristina's face came into view that she could focus on something.

"Meredith, look at me," Cristina said harshly. Meredith stopped thrashing enough to meet Cristina's serious black eyes. "The baby is in distress. Your abdominal muscles are too weak to push him out quickly enough for him to be okay. You're also bleeding profusely. Any more pushing and you will start to hemorrhage. I need you to forget that this is you for a minute; can you do that? It's a patient, a scared patient who does not want to do a c-section. But it is in the best interest of the baby. It is the only interest of a baby who may well spend the rest of his life having interests that disagree with his parents. I think that this is one time that you need to give in. Okay? Can you do that?"

Meredith bit her lip, so hard that she tasted blood, and then took a shaky breath. Cristina was right, she knew that if she was being rational, and suddenly the rational part of her took over, and she nodded. "Okay," she whispered. "Okay."

Cristina nodded, once, sharply, and then the nurse with the syringe came back. There was not time for a local anesthetic, and so Meredith knew she would be put to sleep. Derek leaned down, his lips against her cheek and his hand in hers, and it was his face that was the last one she saw as she drifted into wonderful, painless oblivion.

/ / / /

With Meredith wheeled off to surgery and Shepherd with her along with all the doctors and nurses, the room seemed too quiet. George watched for a minute as Izzie and Lexie changed the sheets on the bed, exchanging them with clean sheets the nurses had left out before they rushed off to the OR.

Cristina, after her speech that made Meredith come to herself, backed against the wall and sat down, her face a mask. Alex had gone in search of coffee as soon as Meredith started to bleed heavily, and George knew that though he would never show it, seeing Meredith in that much distress bothered him. It bothered them all.

Suddenly, the room was too quiet for George. He left the room with only a brief smile at Lexie and walked down the hall. It was nearly five in the morning, and the hospital was beginning to stir. Meredith was the only mother giving birth that night, and the ward was not fully staffed due to the holiday. George found his way to the nursery and looked through the glass at the baby who was already sleeping peacefully, despite her chaotic entrance into the world.

Looking at her basinet, marked Shepherd, the baby wrapped in the tiny pink blanket somehow seemed lonely, if a sleeping newborn could. She was missing something, like her brother. George was reminded of the conversation he had had with Meredith the week before when he had come over to check up on her.

"Did Derek work out a schedule with you people?" she had asked, when he showed up in her bedroom with a bag from a fast food restaurant on his lunch break.

Not wanting to lie, George had just pulled a box of French fries from the bag to serve as a distraction. Meredith had rolled her eyes, but taken the fries and burger he offered her.

"I should be eating better," she admitted, gesturing with a fry and getting ketchup on her nose, "But I'm tired of it."

"Indulge every once in a while," George agreed. "It gives your kids a good example."

Meredith laughed. He smiled at her. "Hey George?" she said, as he was gathering together wrappers and empty salt packets.

"Yeah?"

"Before you leave, I want to ask you something."

He bristled, expecting something serious. "Lexie's okay," he started, "We're—"

She held up a hand. "I know. She came by yesterday, we talked. It's not Lexie I want to talk about. Derek and I were talking the other night and, well, even though neither of us is particularly religious, we want our kids to have godparents. They'll have all of our friends, of course, but we want them to have special people, people who are just theirs for weekends or whatever… and who will be there in case something happens. If the worst happens, then we don't want them split up, so Izzie said she would take them in…" Meredith's eyes welled up at the thought, and she paused for a minute before continuing, "But even then…especially then… we want them to have their own people. Anyway, I want you to be our little boy's godfather. Would you do that?"

George was speechless for a minute, until a wide grin spread across his face. "I would be honored, Mer. But don't you want someone more….manly for a boy?" it was only half a joke, but Meredith laughed.

"What like Alex? No, he'll be there for our girl. He will spoil her rotten. But you can teach him how to be more than a 'manly man'," Meredith said, "You can teach him how to be a good man."

"Thank you, Meredith. Um… who else… I mean…"

"Well, Alex like I said. Cristina, as our girl's godmother… we really need to decide on names… and, actually, Dr. Bailey as the other godmother. We figured since baby Tuck's not too far different in age and she can shape up boys pretty well… I asked Izzie, but she said no since she's their guardian and she doesn't want belong to either of them. Mark actually said the same. He doesn't want to have to choose… and besides Derek may adore him, but role model? Not so much. And Lexie's their aunt so… she felt the same way as Izzie."

George nodded. "Again, I'm honored."

Meredith laughed, "Just know that when he drives us crazy, we'll be calling you."

Now, staring at Casey, George shook his head, his godson was already trying to hit the world running.

/ / / /

Lexie had not been there for Laura's birth. She had wanted to, sort of, but she was doing her clinical rotations and there had not been a way to check in. Besides, she was pretty sure that Molly would not have really wanted her there anyway. Her sister had always seemed to think that it was Lexie who was the favorite, always in the spotlight, all of those things that the youngest tends to think about the oldest, and that day; it was Molly's day.

Her mother had not told her until afterwards that Molly had been in the hospital before Laura's birth. When the baby was born, and her mother and sister were sick, she had wanted to fly out and help her dad, but of course her mother had said: 'nonsense. You're busy, and we've got this covered". Her mother would have too; Lexie would have been in the way. She felt like that, sometimes, at home. Molly and her mother were so close, and her father… he loved them but he got distant some times. And when Lexie finally got a chance to come back and help her family, deciding to try her best to get her internship moved to Seattle, there was nothing she could do, her father was too broken by then.

At first, it had seemed like Meredith would be the same. She was very broken, and very inclined to see Lexie as a hindrance, as part of the problem. But somehow Lexie had worked her way in. So, there she was at the birth of her second niece, helping a sister who she had only met a year and a half before, in a way that her sister who she had known her whole life had never let her in.

And people said Meredith Grey did not let people in. Lexie knew better.

After George left, she and Izzie had finished making up the bed and climbed on top of it, sitting next to each other and waiting.

"She's definitely changed," came a murmur from the other side of the room. Lexie looked up to see Cristina, addressing them, but also lost in her own thoughts.

"Hmm?" Izzie murmured, tiredly resting her head in her hands.

"Meredith. The girl who put her hand in a body cavity with a bomb… the girl who nearly let herself drown… she never put up that kind of fight."

"Are you saying it's a bad thing that she's not trying to kill herself anymore?" Izzie snapped.

Lexie shook her head. "That's not what she's saying," she said slowly. "Meredith, even when I first got here…she didn't fight for surgeries. Really, she didn't fight for the pager; she just won it because she's good. She's learned to fight. She won Shepherd back. And now she's got her kids to fight for. So she's learned to fight for herself."

"Exactly," Cristina said, and then did a double take. "I cannot believe I just said that to you. Don't get used to it." Lexie shrugged. "Still," Cristina added. "She could have picked a better time to start fighting."

Izzie snorted back a laugh, and then another and soon they were all laughing, but it was nervous as they thought of Meredith, now in the OR.

George wandered back not long after, a thoughtful look on his face. Lexie moved to sit next to him on the floor, and she smiled when he slipped his hand into hers. "Meredith's strong, you know," he said quietly, almost as if reassuring himself. "And brave. She's also very patient." George gently kissed her on the neck. "Kind of like you."

Lexie smiled. "It's not hard to be patient, when you have something worth waiting for."

George smiled shyly and ran his thumb over the top of her hand.

"Get a room," came Cristina's voice from the other side of the room. "God, Bambi and Doe-eyes, what a perfect pair."

Lexie glared at her, but she couldn't keep it up for long and she burst into laughter.

Cristina shook her head, "Sickening."

"Baby's out. They're sewing Mer up now."

They all looked up to see Alex standing in the doorway. Izzie slid off of the bed, and went over to him, running a hand down his arm.

"I snuck into the gallery, she's doing well. Kid's in the nursery. He's pretty cute."

"Bad boy, Alex," Lexie heard Izzie murmur. "What's his name?"

"Let's go see," Cristina said, standing up. They all followed her out and down the hall to the nursery. In the window, side-by-side two babies slept, one wrapped in blue the other in pink. The card taped to the boy's bassinet read "Cayden Jeremiah Shepherd."

"Jeremiah?" Cristina asked, and Alex smirked.

"They wanted something they could go by if they didn't like the 'same letter first names thing'", Lexie said, remembering a conversation she and Meredith had had when she sat with her pouring over baby name books one afternoon. "And their middle names are also…"

"The patients," George finished. "That's—"

"Corny?" Cristina offered.

"It's what brought them back together," Izzie said, smiling.

Alex laughed. "Shouldn't their middle names be 'Candle' and 'Champagne' then?" Izzie hit him in the arm. "What? Are they saving those for the next kids?"

"Come on guys," George said after another minute. "She'll be back soon."

They went back to the room, a nurse passing them in the hall, and raising an eyebrow at the group of people. They all found places on chairs or the floor of the room this time, as they waited for Meredith to be out of surgery.

"It's taking a while," Lexie observed after a minute, looking at George's watch. "I hope everything is okay."

"I'm sure it is," George reassured her.

A few minutes later, they heard noise in the hall, and Meredith was wheeled in. The OR nurses shifted her back onto the bed in the room, and left, and Shepherd appeared a moment later. He looked around at all of them, his eyes widening in surprise that they were still there.

Lexie was the first to notice the dark circles under his eyes and the exhaustion in his stance. "Dr. Shep—er, Derek," she said, hesitantly, standing up and going to stand at the edge of Meredith's bed. "You should go get some rest. She won't wake up for a while, and I don't know about everyone else, but I'm not going anywhere."

Derek looked around at them, running a hand over his face. "I shouldn't leave her," he murmured

Lexie reached out and gently touched his arm. "You're not doing any good to her exhausted."

"Yeah, Dr. Shepherd, you're not going to be getting much sleep for a while," piped up Alex from the floor.

Derek eyed him then nodded. "Okay," he finally said. "I'll go to an on- call room. Call me if she needs anything."

"Okay," Lexie agreed. It took another minute or so for him to leave. He kissed Meredith's forehead and smoothed her hair back from her face, but he seemed reassured by the fact that she did not stir.

"Wow, Lexie," Izzie said, as Lexie sat on the edge of the bed "I cannot believe you got Shepherd to go. It's a feat."

Lexie nodded, and felt suddenly weary. She curled up at the end of the bed, and dozed a little.

Meredith awoke for a little while, groggy and disoriented, when nurses brought the babies in for her to feed them. Izzie and Lexie helped her hold them, and she drifted back into sleep soon after. George had to go, to get to his mother's house, but before he left he came over and kissed Lexie, hard on the lips. She smiled, as he went over to kiss Meredith's cheek, and she saw him out the door lingering at the nursery window making faces at the babies before he left. Alex disappeared too, to bring back breakfast, but Cristina, Izzie and Lexie lingered in the room, there for their friend for as long as she needed them.

/ / / / /

Upon waking, before even opening her eyes, Meredith realized, the pain was gone. There was pain, but it was not the all-encompassing _pain_ that she remembered. She had to fight a little to open her stubbornly heavy eyelids, and when she did, her vision bleary, she noticed that a cheerful sunlight, reflected off of the snow outside, was filling the room. She licked her lips, and swallowed before she could choke out, "Babies?"

Izzie appeared in her line of vision with a smile. "You're up," she said. "Cristina and Lexie went to get them. Here," She took Meredith's arm and helped her to sit up, putting pillows behind her back.

Meredith let herself be helped, but before Izzie pulled back she gently took her friend's arm. "Iz… You've done this before, haven't you? The baby thing?" She wasn't sure how she knew. There was something in the way Izzie talked to her that night, in exactly the way she needed that told her; Izzie knew this personally.

Izzie's eyes widened, and she slowly nodded. "I was sixteen," she murmured, pushing hair away from Meredith's face. "I… my baby was adopted. I don't usually tell people… they think…well, you know. Trailer park, sixteen… all that."

Meredith nodded. "Thank you for being there," she said quietly, reassuring Izzie with her eyes that she would not tell.

A few moments later, two bassinets were wheeled into the room, and Lexie and Cristina followed, each picking up a tiny baby in her arms. Meredith would have laughed at the look on Cristina's face if she had been really paying attention to anything but the tiny faces that just peeped over blankets.

"This is Casey Elizabeth," Lexie said, putting a baby in Meredith's arms.

"Hi there," Meredith whispered to the tiny girl, whose bright blue eyes were open. Her tiny hands moved in front of her face.

"And Cayden Jeremiah," Cristina added, helping Meredith hold the other baby.

He looked more serious than his sister, staring up at her with a determined look.

"You," Meredith said, smiling at him. "You are already a troublemaker, mister. Just like your daddy."

"Who is just like me?" Meredith looked up from the babies' faces and saw Derek standing in the doorway. His hair was disheveled, and he was stubbly, but his smile made him seem wide-awake.

"Your son is, Derek," she said, quietly. She felt her eyes go misty, but with two babies in her arms, she had to let the single teardrop that fell slide down her cheek. She smiled as Derek came over and put a hand on Cayden's head, and then leaned over to meet her lips with his. She did not care, as she often did; that his cheeks were scratchy. All that mattered was him. Her Derek was here, with her.

"We made it," she told him, when they broke apart. "We did it."

He grinned at her. "Yeah, we did. You were so brave, Mer."

"Thank you," she murmured, meaning it. It had not been easy, and for once in her life she decided not to act like something she did was not a big deal. But it was worth it for the two tiny, moving bundles in her arms.

For a minute, things were perfect, and peaceful, but then Casey's tiny foot slipped out of her blanket and flailed, hitting her brother's leg. Derek laughed, and gently took the little boy from Meredith's arms. She shifted, wincing a little at the pain of the incision, and tucked Casey's foot gently back into the blanket.

"There you go, little girl," she said. "Don't be too hard on your brother, it's not his fault he's a guy."

The rest of the day was busy. There was paperwork, and the doctors had to check her incision. Then the nurses helped her feed the babies. Cayden was reluctant to nurse at first, and they lectured her on the difficulty of breastfeeding with twins. "Particularly if you will be working," but Meredith was determined to try. She wanted to give her babies all the possible benefits of being as close to her as possible.

Izzie, Lexie and Cristina had disappeared once Derek reappeared, but eventually they came back with Alex in tow, laden with balloons and two tiny stuffed bears for the bassinets. Meredith was still groggy from the anesthesia, and she dozed off several times, but she always woke up surrounding by smiling faces, and more often than not the babies being held tenderly by someone she cared about.

Late in the afternoon, Richard Webber showed up, his wife Adele by his side. They greeted Derek heartily, and cooed over the babies. Holding tiny Casey in his long arms, Richard winked at Meredith. "You know, Meredith, I knew you wanted to come back to work, but I didn't expect to see you in the hospital this soon."

In spite of her desire not to, Meredith laughed. Watching him with her daughter, she wondered if he, who used to change her diapers, ever held her like that.

Bailey dropped by too, dressed up in a green and red dress for the holiday. "I need to make sure you suckers aren't damaging my godson," she informed Meredith's friends. Then she took Cayden gently from George's arms and held him up, cooing and making faces.

That night, after everyone had left, she and Derek sat in the hospital room, a baby in each of their arms. Meredith ran the back of her finger over Cayden's soft cheek and smiled down at him, as Derek gave Casey a sappy smile that Meredith could only assume was a pure father and daughter look.

"They're perfect," Derek said, cradling the baby gently.

"They are, aren't they?" Meredith murmured.

"You sound surprised."

Meredith sighed. "It's not often I get things perfect, Derek. But these two? They count."

Derek chuckled softly, and held Casey in one arm, touching the other hand to Meredith's cheek. "Yes, they do," he assured her. "And as far as I'm concerned, you are too."

She had to stay in the hospital several more days, and left with instructions for the healing of her abdomen. It still ached often, but she could manage well enough. The drive home felt natural, with the two tiny babies strapped into the back seat. They were lucky, Meredith knew, to have so few complications from the babies coming two months early. They would have to watch them, but they seemed to be thriving.

Derek carried them both upstairs, and Meredith followed more slowly, holding onto the railing. In the nursery, Meredith's jaw dropped. She knew from Derek that her friends, the elves, had been at work, but she didn't expect all of this. There were colorful pictures on the wall, and above each crib, large quilted letters that spelled out the name of the baby whose crib it was. "CASEY" against one wall in bright pink and "CAYDEN" in blue; standing out against the white walls.

"Oh good. They'll never forget their names." Derek joked, lying Cayden in his crib.

Meredith rolled her eyes at him. "They must have done this after they were born."

"Those friends of yours really adore you, Mer," Derek said, coming around behind her and putting his arms around her waist. "And for the record, so do I."

Meredith turned and kissed him. It was her way of saying 'I love you too'

A/N so just the epilogue left on this one, guys. I'm toying with a sequel, but spending next month abroad may not let me do it….


	14. Just Look At Us

There were people all over the damn house, Meredith realized as she attempted to duck surreptitiously into the foyer. She had not realized or maybe accepted how many relatives Derek had until they started showing up at the house. It was all fine through the ceremony. That part was meaningful and gorgeous and had made her tear up, but now she would have preferred to be alone, or alone with her family which even included her friends. Entertaining the masses had not been on her list of things to do on her wedding day.

Derek was off somewhere, showing some part of the land to his brothers-in-law. He had made sure she did not mind, had kissed her and she had smiled and assured him that she would be fine. And she would be fine. She had just not specified that she would be fine amid droves of people.

No one noticed her going up the stairs, or at least no one seemed to. At the top of the stairs she darted down the hall, grateful that she had taken off her heels hours before to dance on the grass with Derek. She ducked into the empty nursery and sat down in the rocking chair, facing the closed door and Cayden's brand-new blue toddler bed. Casey had an almost-identical red one that sat at a ninety-degree angle to Cayden's, even though they tended to end up in the same bed anyway.

Derek wanted to give them separate rooms soon, but she was not sure that they would stand for it. She had visions of hearing giggles and doorslams at two am, and she had just gotten them sleeping through the night on a regular basis. She chanced a glance out the window and saw the two bright blond haired heads darting in and out amongst the darker heads of Derek's nieces and nephews. If she squinted she could see that they were holding hands, just as they had walking down the aisle, Casey holding flowers and Cayden a ring.

She and Derek had talked seriously about burning all of the books that lectured on sibling rivalry. Their kids may fight about who got the last cookie, but that was pretty much it.

If she were a good hostess she would not be sitting in the empty nursery, rocking the rocking chair gently back and forth for comfort. But she was okay with not being a good hostess. Let Derek deal with the people. He was good at that.

The chair creaked a little, and she smiled as she nearly always did when it did that. She had vague memories of being held in a lap and read to, laughing when the chair creaked. Casey and Cayden always giggled at it. There were other, better, memories of this chair already. Little babies fighting sleep as they finished nursing, the heavy feeling of their heads on her arms as they stared intently up at her, holding on to every nonsensical word she uttered to them. Casey sitting up on her lap, running small fingers through her hair as she wisely explained the plot of " If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" and Cayden's big gray eyes blinking back tears as she assured him that his boo-boo would heal, in a way that she could never reassure a patient.

Some nights when he got home later than she did, Derek found her asleep in the chair, both kids sound asleep in their cribs. She liked to watch them sleep, they were so peaceful, but after her ships she could barely keep herself awake enough to bath and feed them. She adored the tiny pajamas, the smell of baby shampoo, things she never knew she could love. She would wake to Derek gently carrying her across the hall to their bed.

The rocker was soothing and she smiled, relaxing back against the cushion. She thought back to the morning, before the ceremony. She had been sitting in her room at the hotel that Derek's mother and sisters had insisted that she stay at to avoid 'being seen by the groom'. Meredith did not want to risk losing their good favor by pointing out if she went crazy only Derek could talk her down. She tried so hard to seem normal for them.

She dressed in the white dress. There was very little frill or poof to it, it was simple with a short veil and no train, but she had fallen in love with it at the shop. Izzie had zipped her into it for the first time and teased her about the toilet-paper wedding dress she had been wrapped in the night of Cristina's bachelorette party.

Her own bachelorette party had been her first time really going out since the kids came along, and had involved Joe's. She remembered standing up on the bar at some point to announce the end of being dark and twisty, Izzie and Lexie helping her get down as she nearly fell. At some point, Lexie had managed to impale herself on a dart, and Cristina still liked to make her flinch by motioning as if she were throwing one. That night had ended with her asleep on her old bed at the townhouse, Lexie, Cristina and Izzie (who had not bothered go to into her own room) around her. Unlike many other nights at Joe's Meredith had felt perfectly happy.

She had wished that Izzie and Cristina were in that hotel room with her, but she had insisted that they meet her at the house before the ceremony. "I can handle myself for one day" she had said. As she sat on the bed, methodically turning her watch over and over her arm she had doubted those words. The thoughts flashing through her brain were ridiculous and random. _Should have stayed with Sam, he'd never have wanted to get married_. That thought made her laugh aloud. Sam had been nothing but a guy in high school she had screwed, albeit lost her virginity to, although he always seemed to push for more. Derek did not have to push.

The soft knock on the hotel room door had jarred her out of her thoughts of the high school punk and she went up to open it. Derek's mother stood on the other side, a gentle smile on her face. "Good morning, dear," she said, as Meredith moved for her to step into the room. "I came to see if you need any help with your dress."

Meredith's mouth was too dry to answer. It took her several swallows before she responded, "Yeah. Could you zip it for me, please?"

"Of course." Meredith turned and lifted her hair up, allowing her nearly-mother-in-law to zip her. Mother-in-law. That was strange. She no longer had a mother or even a stepmother. It would be strange to have someone who had the 'mother' title. She had been grateful for Ellen those first weeks after Cayden and Casey arrived. She was there to tell Meredith that she was not, actually, doing everything completely wrong or about to break them or anything like that.

They had bonded, somewhat, over those weeks. It was hard for Meredith to be around an older female who was not about to lash out at her, or worse disappear completely. It helped that Ellen was not tied to her father, but to Derek, who was much better. It got to the point that once she left Meredith even called Ellen when she needed help with the babies, and when Derek talked to her on Sunday nights Meredith would take the extension when he was finished. They chatted mostly about the twins, but it was something.

"Meredith?" Ellen had asked in the hotel room, as she did the clasp at the top of the zipper.

"Hmm?"

"You're panicking, aren't you?"

Meredith spun around to face Derek's mother. Her eyes had widened and she searched desperately for an answer. "I…I…"

Ellen smiled and put her hands on Meredith's shoulders. "It's all right. The day I married Derek's father I tried to con my sister into covering for me so I could sneak out a window."

"You… you did?"

"Yes. I find it quite odd for a woman to be certain on her wedding day. I know you love my son, and so do you. That's what matters today, Meredith. I know the words 'marriage' and 'commitment' are ones that scare you, and from what you've told me, rightly so. But that's all in the past. What matters are you and Derek."

Meredith nodded. She felt her heart rate calming down a little bit. "He's like you," she said. "I guess he gets it from you. The calm and reasonable thing. Usually only he can reassure me like that."_ When I let him._

"Well, I suppose I raised him well after all."

Meredith laughed and to her embarrassment the laugh became a yawn that she desperately tried to stifle.

"I have no doubts that you did not sleep last night. Without Derek or the babies? Or, I suppose, the hustle and bustle of the hospital."

"Yeah. I… well…until Derek… I never really slept well. I've always been kind of an insomniac. He… fixed me." She meant more than just the sleeping thing, and she was pretty sure Derek's mother knew that. They sat on the edge of Meredith's bed in silence for a minute, until there was a sudden banging on the door and the excited shouts of Derek's sisters eliminated the silence.

She was still tired. The adrenaline of the ceremony and the joy after it had drained her even more of the night lying awake against overly-stuffed hotel pillows. She had been shaking at first, as she walked down the aisle alone, in the wake of Izzie, Lexie and Cristina, her bridesmaids. When she saw Derek standing at the altar smiling at her, though, their eyes met, and she managed to put one foot in front of the other and make it up to him.

Standing in the open field, all she saw was him, until she heard a small voice below her waist whisper "Mommy's pretty."

"Shh, this is the quiet part!" Casey's brother exclaimed, and Meredith put a hand on his head as she turned to hand Cristina her bouquet. The people in the front row smiled at the children as the minister cleared his throat.

Their vows were simple, traditional. Derek had toyed with the idea of writing their own, but Meredith had vetoed it. "It would be great for you," she said. "You're so good at the wonderful, romantic speeches thing. I'd stand up there and ramble about houses and cheesecake."

"I like your rambles about houses and cheesecake."

"Derek… really, I think we've done the vows of love in our own words thing already. I want to be extraordinary with you. I love you in a really big, hold a radio over my head outside your window way and you will grow to be a hundred and ten years old in my arms. We know this. Everyone we know does too."

He had agreed with that. It was irrefutable

The reception had been something that she worried about for ages, pouring over forecasts and emergency tent rentals, but the weather was gorgeous and the tables set out over the grass looked wonderful. Soon the field was full of dancing and children running around. At first she had been obliviously happy, answered congratulations mindlessly and ignored Cristina's teasing about the 'stupid look on her face'. When Cristina made the remark a third time, Meredith glared at her and shot a pointed look at Burke who just _happened_ to be sitting next to Cristina at the ceremony. Cristina stopped mocking her. It was at about this time, though, that Meredith realized how insane the sheer amount of people on their property was.

She looked out the window again and saw three figures heading up the lawn to the house. George and Lexie were arm-in-arm with Meredith's other sister trailing behind talking on a cell phone. She looked further out into the crowd and saw something that made her heart jump. Casey was being scooped up into the air by Meredith's father, and the sound of her laughter made it all the way up to the window.

She had not known if she should invite Thatcher to the wedding. After the funeral debacle she had not wanted to, but he had asked them over on Sundays twice, and for the kids' sake more than her own she had gone with Derek. The meals had been awkward, banal conversations punctuated with she, Derek or Molly getting up to tend to a child and Lexie trying in a way reminiscent of her mother to keep the conversation going.

In the end, she had mailed out two invitations to people named Grey and let him make the choice. He RSVP'd chicken. She was grateful nothing was said about 'giving her away'. There were no heartfelt conversations or apologies. He sat in the back next to his daughters, told her she looked beautiful and crouched to accept his grandchildren's hugs. That was all she wanted.

"Found you."

Meredith jumped and whirled around. Derek stood leaning in the doorway, a smile on his face. He had abandoned the jacket of his tux, and loosened the tie. He looked more like her Derek than he had earlier, but she still longed to get the suit off of him and redress him in his regular clothes. Or not redress him; she was flexible.

"I wasn't hiding."

"Liar."

"Okay… I was. But I would have gone back. There were just so many people."

He smiled and came into the room, putting his arms around her waist and following her gaze out the window. She put her hands over his and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"We're married."

"We are. That's generally what happens after he says 'you may now kiss the bride'"

"Shut up. I never thought I'd be married, you know? I just never saw my life going that way." She sighed. "I guess I did not count on you coming along."

"I'm unpredictable that way." She laughed. "For the record? I am very glad that we're married. I'm glad you realized that you were meant to be married, particularly to me."

"Only to you," she countered. He kissed the top of her head. "We made it," she murmured.

"I'm pretty sure we can now conquer anything. I mean, what haven't we done?""

"Mmm… sending the kids off to school? You having to not manhandle any guy that attempts to date Casey?"

"Okay…maybe not anything."

"Hey, anything dirty going on in there?"

They both turned to the doorway and Meredith called out, "No, Alex!"

Alex appeared, looking dashing if uncomfortable in a suit and jerked his head towards the hallway. "Izzie said to come down immediately and cut the cake before Cayden decides to do it himself."

Meredith sighed at the thought of rejoining all the people, but she slid her hand into Derek's and followed Alex. "Why'd she send you?" she asked. "Are you that whipped now that you put a ring on her finger?"

"Definitely not. She said something about how everyone else having seen you guys either at it or just you naked. Said it was my turn."

Meredith just shook her head. "Great friends, really."

They went into the kitchen, which Izzie had taken over to make the wedding cake. They could have gone to a bakery, but Meredith was pretty sure no bakery could reproduce Izzie's cake, and Izzie had been delighted when they asked. The night before she had taken care of the kids for them, and in turn they had let her bake in their kitchen, which she was always lusting after.

The three-tiered chocolate cake, decorated with pink frosted flowers, was set on the island. There was a crowd around it, mostly made up of those under four feet tall.

"Mommy!" Cayden exclaimed when he saw them. "Izzie says you gotta cut it. Is it since you're a sturgeon?"

"Surgeon," Meredith corrected, meeting Izzie's eyes over her son's head. "And it's because it's tradition or something, baby."

She and Derek went to the other side of the island and those in the house crowded around. Lexie was taking pictures, and she muttered something about 'where's the whipped cream this time?' as she came over to take one of the pre-cut cake.

Meredith took the knife from Izzie and Derek put her hand over hers as they cut it. He then proceeded to take a hunk of it and Meredith protested, "Bad example! Children!" before she was silenced by moist cake being pushed into her mouth and onto her nose. Her payback was good, but once they cleaned up she made Derek spend the four minutes needed to explain to Casey why it was not okay to throw frosting flowers at her cousins or her brother.

Eventually, people began to leave. Bailey carried her son to the car as he kept up a conversation about trucks with one of Derek's nephews over her shoulder. Derek's family went back to the hotel, where Meredith and Derek were supposed to join them for a late breakfast the next day before they flew back. Meredith's friends left; George, Izzie and Alex loading Cayden and Casey into the car with them. Meredith dashed around upstairs looking for lost shoes and beloved teddy bears before finally allowing Derek to take the kids' bags from her and load them into the backseat of the car, where they were already conked out from sugar crashes in their carseats.

"They'll be fine," he assured her, as she fastened Casey's seatbelt. "It's just for one night."

Meredith nodded, and kissed Cayden's cheek before hugging her friend's good-bye and letting them go. She and Derek were too wrapped up at the hospital to take a honeymoon, so her friends had offered to take the twins. Izzie said something about 'not wanting to traumatize them'.

In their bedroom, Meredith let Derek unzip her dress, trailing kisses down her spine. She shivered at the sudden bareness and smiled to herself.

"We're like the song," she murmured as Derek rose and put his mouth against her shoulder.

"Hmm?" he asked, as he sucked on the curve of her neck.

She leaned against him and hummed a little before explaining. "The whole hospital thought we'd never make it. But we're still here. We're still holding on."

"If you ask me," he said, looking up and into her eyes. "I think we have a pretty firm grasp."

Meredith laughed, and then turned to put her arms around his neck. "I love you, Mr. Shepherd."

"I love you too, Mrs. Shepherd."

"That's Dr. Shepherd to you." For that moment it did not matter that professionally she was not changing her name. That was only convenience. In her heart and in her thoughts she was his. Always his. And that was pretty extraordinary.

A/N End of the road for this particular fic. I cannot express properly to you all how much I have appreciated all of your reviews. Seeing them in my inbox makes me honestly giddy, I love reading your reactions, particularly because (don't shoot) I've had this entire fic minus the epilogue written since about the seventh of June or so, and totally knew what was happening. The approbation was also much appreciated.

If you haven't checked it out yet, my latest story Fade Away is a few chapters in. Also keep an eye out for a one-shot or two this summer, and maybe, maybe in mid-August some kind of companion to this. Maybe.

Love to you all!


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